The majority of the TastyBooze staff will be enjoying the 4th of July atop a deck overlooking Seattle’s Lake Union, the perfect location for the annual fireworks demonstration over Gas Works Park. Earlier this week, some douche tried to sue the city of Seattle to cancel the fireworks show because of environmental reasons. I don’t really know the history of the fireworks show, but I know it has been going on as long as I can remember, so, why now? Well, it doesn’t matter. Luckily, we have Stephen Colbert on our side and coming to our defense, so we can enjoy our Independence with shit exploding in the sky in cool formations.

Summer is here.  And for those of you with kids, often times that means water slides.  Don’t let this happen to you.  Actually though, I went to a water park a couple years ago on a whim with the guys.  It was an effing blast, but we were certainly the oldest non-parents there by a solid decade.

Today in the links we have Bar Refaeli kinda naked, inside the White Sox drunk tank, fireworks safety is important and the top 10 fictional chefs.

Go Inside The White Sox Parking Lot Drunk Tank For Profanity-Laced Comedy (Video)
Bar Refaeli got kinda naked for a video (Pics)
Happy Birthday Pamela Anderson (Pics)
Get covered in Tang (not the poon variety) (Comics)
I Want to Play for the Braves: Randy Ingle is My New Hero (Video)
Mariah Carey Busts Out A Short Dress (Pics)
Fireworks safety is important (Video)
Heath Shuler’s Proxy (Sports)
Dan Writes A Pleasant Letter To His Ex (Letter)
Ducks On An Escalator (Video)
Top Ten Fictional Chefs (Videos)
Chris Pine Fights Bird Flu Zombies Pre ‘Star Trek’ (Video)
Inglourious Basterds trailer (Sports)
12 Fascinating Objects Covered with Diamonds (Pics)

Yesterday, “The Ledge” an all-glass balcony opened at the Sears Tower in Chicago. Just looking at these pictures make me want to grab a hold of my desk for dear life! I’m not necessarily afraid of heights, but this shit is ridiculous. The balconies are suspended 1,353 in the air, accessible from the 103rd floor of the building. Enjoy the view, assuming you aren’t afraid of heights.

Many people would say that the 4th of July is the great American holiday becuase it’s the day that we declared our indepdence from the tea-taxing-limeys. While I won’t argue with that, I would say that the 4th of July is the great American holiday because it’s the one day of the year that every dude basically gets a free pass to do whatever the fuck he wants. Eat shitty food? Done. Drink to much beer? Done. Blow shit up? Done. No other holiday is bringing to the table what the 4th of July is bringing to the table.

Cheese IN the hot dogs - All year long the cheese-in-the-dog is frowned upon by society but the 4th of July is the one day men everywhere can enjoy the greatest food advancement since bacon without shame. And the cheese hot dog is really just symbolic of the fact that on the 4th you can eat all the shit that your doctor tells you not to and you can do it in the name of patriotism.

Stars & Stripes Apparel - It’s the only time when you can wear that Stars & Stripes t-shirt/speedo/jean jacket/bandanna/shorts that you secretly love and will come off as bring patriotic and not a total douche.

Drinking - Thankfully this year it falls on the weekend but the 4th of July is generally the one day a year where every guy in America can get fall down drunk on a weekday and not be thought less of for it.

Fireworks (In Two Parts) - A) A lot of cities and townships have anal retentive policies towards blowing shit up on the 4th. That being said it’s still the one day a year where you can blow shit up for 8 straight hours without much concern for your neighbors or the cops. B) Fireworks makes ladies horny, it’s science. I can’t find the study right now but trust me, nothing gets a lady going like explosions.

Medical Advancements - It used to be that if you miss timed the fuse on the cherry bomb you were looking to drop into the toilet and lost a finger you were fucked. However in this day and age they can reattach just about anything as long as you have most of the pieces.

During these hard economic times, people are more likely to cut back on their unnecessary spending and in regards to relationships, giving “Love Coupons” instead of actual presents. Be careful of what you’re writing these I.O.U.s for, as they might come back and bite you in the ass (literally).

It takes time for the electromagnetic waves of our TV broadcasts to travel out into space which means if there is anyone out there on distant stars monitoring our broadcasts they’ve got some kick ass TV coming their way. I mean anyone chilling out on Wolf 359 and/or Sirius still have Janet Jackson’s boob headed their way. On the other hand those poor bastards out on Regulus and/or Mizar haven’t even seen the first baseball game that was ever broadcast on TV.

Click the image for the full size view.

via Abstruse Goose

This thing is fucking brilliant. It’s like the classic Battleship except with booze involved. If you take a hit, you take a shot. It was designed by Mauricio (Tony) Harion, from Belo Horizonte, Brazil and hopefully some toy company will cut Tony a giant check ASAP so that they can license this thing and start selling it in the U.S.

It looks like the game has a good amount of booze on the board but not so much that it would take an hour to finish a game. However I wouldn’t mind seeing a five shot aircraft carrier floating somewhere on that board.

via Gizmodo

We definitely took our sweet ass time but we’ve finally had some pretty kick ass Tasty Booze stickers made and we’re looking to give them away for free. If you’ve been a reader of the site for a while you might recognize the sticker design as our old header image from about 4 re-designs ago.

So here is the deal, I mentioned they are free and they are, we aren’t fucking around with self-addressed stamped envelopes or any of that bullshit. Email your address to mitchmartin[at]tastybooze.com and I’ll mail you a sticker. I hate the post office so I’ll probably mail the stickers out in batches once a week. Since this weekend is a holiday weekend and a three day weekend for most the first batch of stickers will go out next Friday the 10th.

If you are looking for stickers our any other kind of printing check out VG Kids they did an kick ass job on our stickers and they were awesome to work with.

Texts From Last Night has become one of my favorite sites recently. I enjoy finding texts from the 206 and 425 area codes and guessing which of my friends could have sent the text. This one, for example, was an easy one to figure out. However, this one is pretty impressive:

(231): we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers

I couldn’t imagine this. If I’m that hungover, I need to be somewhere laying down and there can’t be anything around me that reminds me of alcohol, especially the smell of warm beer in the morning.

Original Text: TFLN

“Probe fingers 1,800 American Apparel workers”

Come on Reuters, why are you trying to make me think 1,800 employees are being finger blasted? You are referring to a company that was founded by a guy who is known for doing copious amounts of blow and walking around the office naked.

The actual story is about a Federal Investigation that found up to 1,800 workers in American Apparel’s Los Angeles factories may have “gained employment due to “suspect and not valid” eligibility documentation.”

The kid in the gold shiny leggings has nothing to do with the story. I just thought it was funny that American Apparel actually sells them for kids. I guess you’re never to young for hot pants.

Original Story: Yahoo! News

Today in the links we have the girls of Canada Day, the top 10 threats to sports blogging, an Oregon cheerleader on a bikini booze cruise, and another 10 misspelled tattoos.

Top 10 threats to sports blogging (List)
Oregon Cheerleader On Bikini Booze Cruise (Pics)
Ass Not What Your Country Can Do for You… (Pic)
Denise Milani Walks Her Dog, Picks Strawberries (Pics)
Some of the Best of the Dirtiest from Facebook (Pics)