1. Science has proven that the domestication of animals has resulted in a progressive erosion of their mental facilities. The domestication of humans has led to similar effects.

2. Your life is passing in front of you, you are getting old. You are going to die, and you’re never going to be on television.

3a. Get drunk and have sex at 4 am on a Tuesday in the back of a running cop car while the pig’s in the Chinese restaurant shaking poor Johnny Wong down for Chow Mein leftovers. Call in sick to work tomorrow.

3b. Stop being afraid of everything.

Sent in by TB.