I have found in my travels that the best television is not on Thursday nights-but rather on Saturday afternoon. Let me explain.

This weekend I was drinking the king with a buddy of mine, and we were watching the Tennessee-Auburn football game, ( or, more precisely, the Tennessee-Auburn shelacking) when we were interupted by an urgent newscast from the local news affiliated out of Portland, OR. What was more important than a rivalry game which I had money on you ask?

Here it is, and I’m not shitting you but….. some old Jesus looking bearded guy from the National Gelogical Service, or whoever the fuck the guys are who’ve had a constant woodsky over this whole St. Helens eruption thing the past week. He went on and on about “hot magma”, and “volcanic gases”, and explained in detail as if anybody but him and his 50 year role-playing game group of superdorks gave a shit, the minutia of seismic events.

So pissed off, I channel surfed and found my self watching an American legend, Buck Mcneilly. You see, Buck is a good ol’ boy who hosts an outdoor show, and this particular weekend was focused on the fine craft of gun smithing. He took us lucky few through the inner workings of a gun making factory where I learned about all the steps it takes to fashion wood and steel into a fine american killing machine. As Buck walked around the factory, rifle slung in arms in a way that gave me the sense he was born with it, I realized thatI must live in the greatest country in the world where a fat guy, probably never been laid, named Buck, had made a living by shooting shit. So, here’s to you, Buck McNeilly, a true man’s man, a real american hero.

Buck, you can be my wingman anytime. And, Bearded scientist volcano induced erection man, fuck off.