I took three years of German in High School and I still can’t read this product page to save my life. Luckly I think I can put together a loose translation based on the pictures provided.
“This kick ass pirate toaster will fit perfectly into any ships galley or kitchen. It will also let any breakfast guest know that you are not to be fucked with based on your pirate status. This message will be conveyed by the skull and cross bones branded into their toast.”
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