Self Checkout Aptitude Test

I think that the self checkout line has to be the single greatest invention introduced to grocery stores in my life time.

For those of you who live in bumfuck nowhere and don’t know what I am referring to I will explain. The self checkout line is generally limited to 15 items or less and each station is equipped with a scale, scanner and touchscreen. The bastards thought of everything and it even has one of those little books so that you can look up codes for produce.

Why is it so great you ask? Because I can walk up to the self check out station with a basket of 15 items and be out of the store 3 minutes later. I shit you not. If they had a contest for who could self check out the fastest 1st prize would be going home with me.

Despite its greatness there is an Achilles heel, a chink in the armor if you will. That Achilles heel is people. There is nothing worse then getting to the self checkout line and finding a person who looks like they are trying to assemble a nuclear bomb without directions.

This is where the aptitude test comes in. Just install a small kiosk before the self checkout lines with a similar touchscreen. Each person wanting to self checkout must pass the aptitude test before proceeding to a self checkout station. If you can’t pass the test, no worries, simply move over and use the standard express line manned by the guy you can tell is creepy but you aren’t sure why.

This way the rest of us self checkout badasses can check ourselves out and go on about our day without having to watch you make a chump out of yourself. Then one day after some practice when you pass the aptitude test you can join us in self checkout greatness.