This has got to be the most well thought out and eloquent response to the common burn of “Go fuck yourself!†that I have ever read. The responder really breaks things down and explains why he will not be complying with the request.
I say this knowing full well the extent to which your proposal concerning the fucking of myself was emphasized, both with hand gestures and the raising of your voice beyond that of civil conversation, and despite the evident urgency which moved you to repeat the recommendation seven times in rapid succession.
As much as I, a gentleman, would like to accommodate you, I am nonetheless afraid that I must reject your suggestion out of hand. I find it flatly untenable. And though I appreciate the concern manifest in your statement regarding the use to which I might put my bottom, I do not consider the option of fucking myself—with a broomstick, sideways, as I believe you specified—to be a course of action worthy of my pursuit.
