I know every needs a hobby and I am not one to judge but these ladies are nuts. Those poor goddamn ferrets. I wonder if they get together and put on little ferret puppet shows?

I was visiting my lady friend in E-burg this weekend and came across this sign in one of the local shop windows. I am pretty sure this place didn’t even have a back door. You’ve gotta love small towns.

I already wrote earlier this week about how JB racked up his fourth DUI so I am not going to cover it again. I just thought this picture was hilarious because he is obviously wasted. In fact he might just be blacked out. Look at that cigarette. Only someone that is blacked out can defy gravity with a cigarette like that.

The first bye week brings about perfect timing for a list of backup QB’s to start Sunday’s games. In a fantasy league with quarterback depth it kinda sucks to see that one of your starters isn’t playing Sunday because his (or her… Drew Brees) team has the week off. Luckily a bunch of starters have had their guts pounded by opposing defenses, or suck ass (Sexy Rexy) and they are riding the pine. It has been a nutty year for starting QB’s, time to take advantage.

Best Possible Pickups:

Daunte Culpepper- Likely already owned in your league, he will be replacing Josh McCown who has an injured toe (translation: Josh McCown is a pussy). McCown left Sunday’s game to cheers as Daunte, the crowd’s preferred starter, walked onto the field. This is an opportunity for Culpepper to take and mount the starting role and burn Miami’s secondary.

Brian Griese- The Rex Factor has FINALLY been benched. Chicago’s defense can’t carry his fat-ass weight any more. Griese has been released by 3 other NFL teams in his 10-year career due to inconsistencies. But let’s be honest, at this point, Griese craps on Rex. He has the ability and experience to calm down and be a leader to the desperate Bears. It won’t take much. Griese is also up against the worst passing defense in Detroit.

More iffy additions:

David Carr- Might play, might not play. Who knows? Jake Delhomme won’t need surgery on his injured elbow, but he missed his third straight practice Friday leading people to believe that Carr will start on Sunday. However, coach Foxx is keeping the lid on the quarterback secret as to not reveal to the Bucs their full starting lineup. Look at a game time decision for Carr to step up into the starter.

Kurt Warner- A fire has be lit under Matt Leinart’s ass and it comes in the form of a Super Bowl champ. Leinart will be starting but also ’sharing’ the QB spot with Warner this Sunday. Warner replaced Leinart in the 4th quarter of Week 3 against the Ravens and led the Cardinals to a 17 point comeback to tie it up. Monster receiver Anquan Boldin (hip) is listed as doubtful for this weeks game which takes some value away from both QB’s.

Sketchy pick-ups:

Kelly Holcomb- Likely to replace Tarvaris Jackson (groin) against Green Bay. He led the Vikings to a 13-10 loss to the CHIEFS in week 3. That should worry you.

Trent Edwards- Starting in place of J.P. Losman (sprained MCL). Expect absolutely nothing from Edwards as a starter as he went to Standford.

About to crumble:

Marc Bulger- Is playing with half a rib cage and with the St Louis O-Line in similar shape, expect a collapsed lung in the near future. I would bench him ASAP.

These stories into the Blackwater security guards kind of make me laugh. We hired Blackwater who turned around and essentially hired mercenaries to provide security for our diplomatic staff because we don’t have enough soldiers to do it ourselves. Now people are up in arms because these guys might be a little trigger happy. Really? You think? These guys aren’t U.S. soldiers that have to be there. They chose to go. Regardless of how much they are being paid choosing to work in a war zone should tell you a lot about someones overall mentality. These guys like this kind of shit.

What really bothers me is when people in suits sitting thousands of miles away climb up on their high horse and start analyzing the actions of people who are having automatic weapons fired at them on a daily basis. If these guys just opened fire on innocent civilians then they should be held accountable and punished. However starting an “investigative probe” to determine what the proper course of action should have been when the bullets were flying is bullshit.

Could the Blackwater guard in the picture look like more of a badass? He has got two assault rifles at least one pistol and who knows what else in all those little packs. Just a regular Scot Harvath or Mitch Rapp.

Original Story: MSNBC

Following a domestic dispute an unnamed Glasgow man went on a 4 day 60 pint bender. After a 4 week headache the guy drug his still hungover ass to the local hospital for a diagnosis.

Doctors believe severe dehydration, caused by the alcohol, led to a rare condition called cerebral venous sinus thrombosis (CVST). A scan of the brain’s blood vessels confirmed the diagnosis.

It took more than six months of long-term blood-thinning treatment to restore the man’s normal vision - and to get rid of the headache, the doctors reported.

Add in the 4 week headache and this poor bastard endured a 7 month hangover. That is almost one month for every gallon of beer he drank. I have had some friends who have claimed to have some pretty bad hangovers but nobody has got shit on this guy.

60 X 16 oz = 960 oz
960 oz / 128 oz = 7.5 gallons of beer.

Original Story: news.com.au

Sure this thing is illegal in the U.S. and I am not exactly sure what I would do with it but I think this would be a pretty fun little box to have handy. What does it do you ask? Simply put it blocks GSM cell phone signals on the 850-, 900-, 1,800- and 1,900 Mhz bands within a 30 foot radius. That means it will block the cell signals of your buddies or any other cell user here in the U.S. Maybe it is just me but I think it would be pretty fun turn this little bad boy on during a party and screw with all my friends. Or for a more practical application you could fire it up will you are enjoying a $9.75 movie at the theater and guarantee no asshole’s phone is going to ring. Sure it is illegal but for on $166 I might have to do some internet research and see if I can find an importer.

Original Post: The Raw Feed

Don’t cops have better things to do even in middle of nowhere North Carolina?

Morrisville police have charged a man with assault on a government official after an officer said the man coughed into his face during a traffic stop.

“He says I coughed in his face,” Kauffman said. “But that would only work if he had a 4-foot-long face.”

How does being discourteous and not covering ones mouth turn into assault on a government official? Did this dickhead cop get a little spit on his face or something? The guy was driving a minivan so he was probably up a little higher then the cop’s waist but is a cough a weapon? If he made no physical contact with the officer then how could it be assault?

Original Story: MSNBC

I love it when someone from religion X has the balls to tell someone from religion Y that religion Y is fake. What proof do they have that religion X is real?

A Leakey High School senior is being told by his school district to cut his hair, but the student claimed religious values ban him from cutting it.

“I talked to the superintendent, and that’s when he supposedly got word from his attorney that my religion is illegitimate,” Daly said.

On a side note check out the kid’s crazy long hair that is inappropriate for school.

Original Story: KSAT.com

I have to assume most of these are just a joke, but either way they are the awesomest thing I have seen since approximately 1992 when I saw Aerosmith live at the Tacoma Dome. I have already hit up my local Home Depot for the necessary lumber and cardboard to “pimp” my own ride. Better yet, if I have leftovers I will have to surprise my buddy and his brand new Lexus with his very own body kit.

See many more: Awesome Spoilers

This is the kind of shit that drives me crazy. We are in the middle of a war, the economy is sliding, our education system is in shambles and yet the douche bags we elect to office are holding congressional hearings about rap lyrics. Someone has got to be fucking joking me. They want to ban three words. Does that even make sense? First of all three words aren’t going to change anything not to mention once you ban words you have censored an artists thoughts and expressions. Isn’t freedom of expression one of the principles this country is founded on? If an artist feels the word “bitch” (that is one of the three words discussed in the ban) is the best word to describe his thoughts and feelings then he should be able to use it. If I find the word “bitch” offensive then it my responsibility to myself to not listen to that song. That is why there is a big ass warning label right on the CD. I don’t need to take on a personal crusade (Tipper Gore) to take my old, stuffy, outdated, Christian sensibilities and push them on 300 million other people.

Just because a bunch of rich old white men/women find these words offensive doesn’t mean that I do. Who are they to decide what I can and cannot hear? This is a slippery slope. If the words are banned from music can an artist still use them in a poem that they read in public?

Original Story: Denver Post

Take some notes Doba.

Heading into Week 4 of the season we have some spicy issues to feast upon; the first being the raucous puss-fest being hosted by some of the leagues top running backs. A majority of the early fantasy picks continue to disappoint and leave us to wonder why we didn’t draft Marion Barber in the top 3. Taken number 1 in nearly 100% of all fantasy drafts, Ladainian Tomlinson (and the Chargers) continues to spiral away from his expectations. Pre-ranked at Number 2, Steven Jackson had his first 100 yard game on Sunday… just before he tore his junk muscle. He’ll likely be out for at least two weeks. Which brings us to Number 3, Larry Johnson. The name just pisses me off. Not only is he averaging fewer than 50 rush yards a game with ZERO touchdowns, the former NFL touches leader was auto drafted for me while I sat in a craphole coffee shop waiting for my POS computer to load java. I wanted Joseph Addai, who crept up to number 4 in the preseason rankings after my draft was complete. Addai is gold and I am trying to trade for his nuggets.

Do not give up on LT. If you were to dump him he would be picked up immediately and your friends would verbally bitch slap you for making such a stupid move. He is not performing horribly, and if he were any other running back you’d be saying ‘did you know he throws touchdowns too?’

Steven Jackson has given you an excuse to dump him. Ok, I’d probably pick him up if I saw him on the waiver wire, but I wouldn’t judge the person that dropped him. He is dead weight and it is unknown when he’ll come back. Move him to your bench and pick up Brian Leonard (Stevens’ back up) if possible. St. Louis’ o-line is falling apart, but you’ll look like a genius if Leonard does well. If not, just say ‘what the hell was I supposed to do?’ and trade for Larry Johnson.

Larry Johnson should be taken out back and shot. I have already traded him away for my niece’s best friend and a box of Altoids. I can wait no longer for him to turn his season around.

Other top running backs that irritate me:

Shaun Alexander has somehow managed to eke out 275 yards, mostly in the second half. He also has 2 touchdowns, yet I still want to defecate on him every time he touches the football. He is consistent and playing with a cracked (broken) hand, I’ll give him that. I’ll also give him a golden shower the next time he flops to the ground like it’s two-hand touch on the school yard.

Reggie Bush was not ranked as high as these others, but he is still a marquee player. Bush will be carrying the load of the rush after Deuce McAllister suffered a season ending torn ACL. Very few analysts think he will be able to succeed in this role. Bush is too flashy and lacking the gut busting factor held by the more powerful backs. I would actually abandon most Saints at this point. Bench them all (they’re on a bye week so that should make it easier).

Frank Gore because he is a bad-bad man and certifiably better than Shaun Alexander.

Joseph Addai because I can’t fool the owner that has him to give him to me.