American fat asses doughnut lovers rejoice! Thanks to the #1 purveyor of useless shit, SkyMall, you can now have your very own doughnut making machine at home.
The Dough-Nu-Matic automatically forms, fries and drains delectable mini-doughnuts in just 50 seconds! Great for large parties and ideal for fundraisers since this machine makes easy-to-sell treats for pennies apiece. Makes a dozen doughnuts in under six minutes. Just add dough and the dough-Nu-Matic does the rest. Enclosed oil fryer keeps cleanup to a minimum. Dials adjust cooking temperature. Includes 90-day warranty. 14″ H x 22 4/5″ W x 6 9/10″ D.
So much for the “lower your cholesterol with Cheerios” crap. Why would you eat a bowl of Cheerios when you can have 12 piping hot mini doughnuts in less than six minutes?
I don’t know how they got them but the guys over at L.A. Rag Mag have all of the shots from Kim Kardashian’s Playboy spread posted on their site. If you are into that sort of thing you might want to check them out. Be warned that they are all NSFW so make sure you have your screen blocked before you hit the link.
Doing Playboy after becoming famous for a “leaked” sex tape sort of seems like working in reverse but who am I to judge.
Robert Goulet was in good spirits as he waited for a lung transplant, even telling doctors before they inserted a breathing tube, “Just watch my vocal cords,” his wife said.
The big-voiced baritone, whose Broadway debut in “Camelot” launched an award-winning stage and recording career, died Tuesday at a Los Angeles hospital, where he had been awaiting the transplant after being diagnosed last month with a rare form of pulmonary fibrosis. Goulet was 73.
I don’t think I ever saw Robert Goulet perform live but whenever I think of Goulet I think of this classic Will Ferrell SNL skit. Gooouuulet!!!! If you have never seen a professional voice man sing Notorious BIG then do yourself a favor and watch the video. Gooouuulet!!!!
Looks like Ashley Olsen likes old balls err ball. Reports are running rampant on the interweb claiming Olsen has been dating Lance “Live Strong” Armstrong. Maybe he whooed her by riding double on one of those two person bikes. I bet he could still win the Tour de Lance with her on his handlebars. Uncle Jesse has been seen moping around the set of ER (on a side note how can a 45 year old man be a resident in a hospital)… Anywho I wonder if Ashley uses one ball jay wax on her snowboard?
“They came together with a group of friends,” the source said. “Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m.”
“Don Vito has been found guilty of two counts of sexual assault on a child. He was acquitted on one count. Vito, real name Vincent Margera, who is Bam Margera’s outrageous uncle on MTV’s “Viva La Bam,” was accused of fondling three girls during a public appearance at a mall in a Denver suburb. The victims of the sexual assault were 12 and 13. After the verdict was read, Don collapsed to the floor and yelled, “Just kill me now!” Deputies restrained him — and took his ass off to jail.”
Apparently Don Vito was not a big enough celebrity to beat the rap. Honestly I’m glad I won’t have to see him in new Bam Margera videos/shows/whatever because Vito is by far the most annoying dude on the show. Actually I take that back Party Boy is a F**ktard, his only skill is taking his clothes off. Nonetheless Vito is a fat annoying bastard. The best thing he ever did was pound something like a 100 shots of peach schnapps and then puke. That episode was by far the pinnacle of Vito’s television career. On the plus side he’ll probably lose some weight in jail ala Paris Hilton.
Oh and J.Lo is preggo but I hate that bitch, so look it up for yourself
I doing some Halloween related Googling this morning and came across this picture. Supposedly the costume is from redenvelope.com but I couldn’t find it anywhere on their site.
Yeah I know your first thought is, “Oh how cute, that baby is dressed as a peanut” but be honest your second thought is, “or a piece of poo.”
Slap a santa hat and some white gloves on that little bastard and you have got the best Mr. Hanky costume out there.
Ken Mier, who described himself as an investigator for the Alabama Ku Klux Klan and the national office of the Ku Klux Klan LLC, said in an e-mail to The Cullman Times that his group is against the tactics of the National Knights of the Ku Klux Klan, which held an anti-immigration protest last month in Athens.
“We are opposed to the ignorance and stupidity as displayed by the individuals that thumbed their nose at the area churches by continuing to use racial slurs, threats and avoided Christian deportment,” he said.
Wait. One KKK member actually called another KKK member ignorant and stupid? Somebody should explain the concept of irony to this chuckle head. Does anyone know what Christian deportment is? I think KKK Group 1 is just cranky because KKK Group 2 got a permit from the city to display their ignorance and stupidity and KKK Group 1 didn’t.
Thank christ Nip/Tuck is going to start tonight. Not because I like the show but because I am sick and tired of the commercials. I never thought any commercial would come close to annoying me like the Chevy “this is ouuuuuuuuur country” commercial but Nip/Tuck has done it. I only watch 30 - 60 minutes of FX a week, It’s Always Sunny in Phildelphia, but they play a goddamn Nip/Tuck commerical during every single commerical break. Then of course the World Series has to be on Fox so I end up seeing the commericals there too. They moved from Miami to Hollywood, I get it, whoop-tee-fucking-do!
Tonight at 10 pm I am going to have a little celebration. Crack a boggs maybe even have a shot of tequilla and not watch Nip/Tuck. Hopefully I will never have to see one of their season premiere commercial again.
Standard razor not good enough to get rid of your pesky pubes? Well no!no! by NONO (must have had a creative genius behind that naming scheme) is ready to burn them off.
It features a unique innovation: a thermodynamic wire to transmit the heat to the hair.
Additionally, the thermal heat signal destroys the hair, which is characterized by odor.
There is nothing like the smell of burning hair. Can anyone explain to me why I would want to put something that is hot enough to “destroy hair” down around my balls? That is an accident and embarrassing hospital trip waiting to happen. Everyone is going to be careful when grooming down there but this statement “Be sure to follow the directions closely for the safest, most effective results.” leads me to believe that it is probably pretty easy to end up with some unsafe results.
How much does the pube burning wonder cost? A cool $250 bones. I think you could probably achieve the same results with a $15 butane torch from the Home Depot.
Officers said they saw the man run a red light at Prospect Road at Clark Road at about 11:20 p.m. Saturday. When they stopped him, they said they gave him a preliminary breath test that registered 0.11. The legal standard for drunken driving is 0.08.
Police said they told the man’s 12-year-old son to call his mother to pick him up. But when she arrived with her 9-year-old daughter in the car, police said, she also appeared to have been drinking, and registered 0.13 on a PBT.
We have all probably talked to the cops after we have had to much to drink for one reason or another. But why would you drive to the police station when you are wasted to pick your kid up after your husband was just arrested for a DUI? Jesus Christ the woman blew a 0.13. It’s not like it was one of those “whoops I shouldn’t have had the second glass of wine” accidents where you blow a 0.08 or 0.09.
I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to hear the conversation between these two chuckle heads once they both realized they had been arrested.
How much do you want to bet that the husband was out on a beer run when he got pulled over?
After an extension / delay we have winner in the caption contest. Congratulations to T-Rex for the winning caption and to our own Baba Ganoush and Hank Yerzimbeck for honorable mentions.
Robert Talbot neck tie: $115
Designer Italian suit: $1000
Monthly Country Club Membership: $1900
Becoming Vice President of Sales because you just installed a picture of gay porn in the “current” Vice President of Sales PowerPoint presentation to the firm’s biggest client: Priceless
Honorable Mentions
Hank - Dear Mr. Smith, we regret to inform you that you are NOT the father.
Baba - “… then we high-five like this and that’s what you call the Eiffel Tower!”
Welcome to another craptastic Monday. I didn’t even booze this weekend and yet somehow I still managed to sleep like shit last night. Why can’t I win. There has got to be some way to feel good on Monday morning.
