Apparently a vandal or vandals have been terrorizing the town of Kearney, Nebraska (pop. 27,431) by leaving Vaseline ass prints on the windows of local businesses. Over twenty sites have been hit on this ass print crime spree that started last May. My favorite line of the article is “there may have been copycat printings”. Really, “may have been”? Don’t they have a crack C.S.I. squad out there in Kearney that can determine if we are talking about one ass print or multiple ass prints?
At least that’s what folks in Valentine hope after someone slathered his bare backside — and front side — with Vaseline, then left prints on windows of businesses, schools and churches. The local Midland News newspaper called the vandal or vandals “lewd, lubricated, lurching lunatics.”
“It’s just a weird deal, but it’s weird enough to cause a little bit of concern,” said Valentine Police Chief Ben McBride. “Who in their right mind would do something like that?” McBride has fielded about 20 reports.
“I don’t know what kind of people it takes to do that,” Nollett said. “Someone with a weird sense of humor, I guess.” The wrongdoing is more disgusting than destructive. There has been no physical damage, although producing the printings would involve indecent exposure.
Maybe I have a “weird sense of humor” but I think this is friggin’ hilarious. How much beer to do you have to drink and how bored do you have to be to realize it would be pretty funny to cover your ass in Vaseline and leave ass prints around town? I am guessing at least 15 beers.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
heyyy i heard about that.
i happen to live by there.
interesting. :]
they should do dick prints next
i did that once
That there is some funny shit. I used to live in Nebraska and I can’t believe they are taking that so serious. Anyone from Nebraska should know that there is nothing to do there, so it is probably some bored kids doing it. Shouldn’t they be more concerened with the drugs being done there or something. I got props to the butt cheek bandit!!…LMAO!!!
Excuse me…I GIVE props….lol…I guess the butt cheek bandit got me all rowled up!!!
I hope their butts catch on fire lol
All I have to say is that my husband and I have been living in Nebraska for the past 9 months and there really is nothing better to do out there… I’m surprised this is the first time this has ever happened. I think it is absolutely hilarious!
FROG SPLAT!
I know that they shouldnt have done it and i hope that they dont do it again so they dont get caught but come on that is funny as hell.
That is too funny!!!
This is freaking funny!!! I would have never thought about doing that! LOL!!! These guys must have been drunk! I could totally see some of my friends doing that!!! Ha! Ha!
Do we have video on this????lmao
I live in Kearney and the local college is UNK. It’s like they say you cant spell drunk without UNK. I’m just pissed I didn’t think of it first.
LOL! It’s probably some high schol kid or kids just having some bare all fun!!!!!
wow. i thought that even people who might have been drunk could think of something better to do then that..but obviosly not..im guessing they were probably teenagers..who knows!
yeah that was me….. i was so wasted that night, how the hell i got home is beyond me
I FIND THIS SURPRISINGLY FUNNY! MAYBE BECAUSE I DON’T OWN ANY OF THE PLACES HIT. EVEN THEN I WOULD HAVE TO AT LEAST CHUCKLE. IT’S JUST A JOKE THE BRIGHT SIDE IS NOBODY DIED! CARPE DIEM!!
I think that is fucking hillarious. All they have to do to find the culprits is look for the smooth assed people of the town! :]