Fantasy football owners around the country are trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with Shaun Alexander. A few hypotheses have been suggested.

1. He has a nagging or severe injury that we don’t know about? Unlikely. He avoids all contact and is the “most” Christian person in the NFL. God does not allow his children to suffer as Shaun will readily tell you.

2. Has he lost his touch? Possibly, money can do that.

3. He doesn’t care after earning his big contract with MVP numbers? Plausible, the drop off effect is a consistently observed in all professional sport leagues.

4. Shaun Alexander is a mole? Seems unlikely, but let’s look at the evidence.

Body:

Mole: small, rounded body, pointy snout and soft, fluffy brown or grey fur.

Shaun: 5-11/228 balding with large teeth.

Match: yes

Lifestyle:

Mole: Moles are active animals, working both day and night to feed themselves and construct burrows, where they live. The burrow of the mole is an elaborate unit, made of many chambers and entrances Moles travel through the soil in a method that looks similar to the breast stroke. Mole burrows often show themselves above ground as ridges, slightly elevated trails, or mounds of fresh dirt.

Shaun: Shaun is an active animal that eat, sleeps, prays, and runs for less than one yard quite often. Like a mole, while running, Shaun shies away from open holes or cutting it outside, instead preferring to burrow under the offensive line or simply take a knee. A run by Shaun is easily observed by the lack of effort once contact is initiated, or by the look of disgust that emerges on the face of a fantasy owner who drafted Shaun in the first round.

Match: yes

Interaction with people:

Mole: Moles endure a love-hate relationship with people. Often responsible for heavy crop, garden and lawn damage, moles are very often trapped or eradicated. However, the mole population is also responsible for aerating soil and fertilizing many crops. Trapping methods have proved largely unsuccessful in North America, where the mole lives in abundance.

Shaun: Shaun endures a hate-hate relationship with fantasy owners and Hawks fans. Often responsible for terrible Sundays, failing fantasy teams and lawn damage, Shaun will soon be trapped and released to the wild.

Match: yes

Conclusion: Shaun Alexander is a mole.