Dear Jennifer/JLH/Love,
You’ve been in the news a lot recently; all those tabloids, “magazines” and celebrity blogs, ripping into you for being “fat.” I’ve always been a fan of your body…of work and your body, ever since hitting the scene in Party of Five (Bailey is a douche). The “Can’t Hardly Wait” movie poster graced the walls of my bedroom during high school, and “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer” looked over me through college (that poster was 62% boobage, thanks to you). Hell, I even forced myself to watch “Garfield, The Movie.” 
I’ve stood up for you through thick and thin (literally). When my female friends in college claimed you had a “rat face,” your attempt at a singing career, the decision to star opposite Jackie Chan in “The Tuxedo,” and the numerous claims by friends/media that your breasts were fake, I defended your honor. Now, you have gone and betrayed me. Through all the cellulite discussion from the past couple of weeks, what I missed was a little announcement. Janice Dickinson and I were finally on the same page (Tyra Banks is fat), then a friend said, “It’s totally understandable that Jennifer Love Hewitt let her body go, she’s engaged now.” My response: “HaaaWhat?!?!”
After doing a little “research,” the apparent rumor is true. Even worse, it’s to some C-list, no-talent ass clown from the U.K.? Until now, I thought I didn’t have a shot… Here’s a quick comparison between the future Mr. Jennifer Love Hewitt (I refuse to use his actual name) and me:
- He is from the UK :: I am from America! U.S.A.! U.S.A!
- He was in “Band of Brothers” :: I was an extra in “The 6th Man“
- You’ve given him some guest spots on “Ghost Whisperer” :: I have a real job and can support myself
- He was a performance capture understudy for “The Polar Express” :: I write funny blog posts
- He doesn’t know how to please you :: I am a breasts man
So Love, please reconsider. I’ll promise to watch the second “Garfield” movie!
Motorboatingly yours,
Baba Ganoush
P.s. So blogs say you’re fat, well I ain’t down with that. ‘Cause your boobs are real and your curves are kickin’, and I’m thinkin’ about stickn’…



10 responses so far ↓
1 Bill Brasky // Dec 12, 2007 at 12:11 pm
Baba, well said. I think your restraining order should arrive in 3…2…1
2 Hottest Girls of Myspace » » Hottest Girls of Myspace - Links and Pics of the Day // Dec 12, 2007 at 3:05 pm
[…] An Open Letter to Jennifer Love Hewitt from Tastybooze […]
3 Hater // Dec 12, 2007 at 4:11 pm
For someone with a professed love of Love, you’re kind of late on the engagement news, aintcha?
This was announced 2 weeks ago…
http://www.reuters.com/article/peopleNews/idUSN2865348420071129
4 Mitch Martin // Dec 12, 2007 at 4:13 pm
No shout out for her current gig as the “Ghost Whisperer”?
I will always have a crush on Amanda Beckett.
5 Mr. Wonka // Dec 12, 2007 at 4:20 pm
well sheesh, she’s already had breast implants, why not get some lipo, too?
6 Black Hornet // Dec 13, 2007 at 3:03 am
She’s fat in all the right places!!
7 Ol Dirty Curty // Dec 13, 2007 at 11:45 am
That is the best picture I have ever seen of JLH. I honestly hate that bitch.
Have you ever seen Band of Brothers? Some tight shit! He was good in it too… which means he’s good in her.
8 Linking to F. C. King « Loser with Socks // Dec 13, 2007 at 1:06 pm
[…] An open letter to Jennifer Love Hewitt from Tasty Booze […]
9 Brahsome - Care To Get Nice? » Blog Archive » Daily Laters: And Juice // Dec 14, 2007 at 8:58 am
[…] An open letter to Jennifer Love Hewitt from Baba Ganoush at Tasty Booze. […]
10 InTouch Weekly Rates Top 10 Celebrity Boobs // Jul 3, 2008 at 9:19 am
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