Mission Impossible: Scientology

Man, Tom Cruise is bat-shit insane (I know, new discovery). There was a video posted on Youtube on Sunday that was taken during his indoctrination into Scientology, but it was removed from due to a copyright infringement. I guess the Church of Scientology International holds the copyright to this little nugget. Thanks to the guys at Gawker who are hosting the video. This is something everyone should see, just to make you feel good about yourself.

I can’t even look at his shit-eating grin anymore. That charming ass smile isn’t working on me, and I’ll tell you what, I’m not looking to Scientology for anything other than good posting material. Cruise won’t hesitate to put ethics in on someone else, because he put it ruthlessly in himself. Either you’re on board, or you’re not on board (not on board, thanks). Apparently Scientologists are the authorties on getting people off drugs, rehabiting criminals, the mind, improving conditions, etc. Is there anything they can’t do?

When you drive past an accident, it’s not like anyone else. As you drive past, you know you have to do something about it, because you know you’re the only one that can really help.

Oh, really? What about the dudes that roll in in the ambulance, or the fire department? They usually seem to do a pretty good job helping.

I’ll tell you what, the last 30 seconds where he’s talking in this video is about the craziest I’ve seen a person in a while. That cackling laugh chilled me to the bone. Look out, world! Tom Cruise is coming for you.

If you don’t want to watch this episode of Looney Tunes, you can see the transcript of this whack job Jesus impersonator here.