Submitted Rant: Zorro Dogg vs. well…Everyone

You gotta love some of the Tasty Booze readers out there. I actually happen to know Zorro Dogg, and have heard him complain about several of these topics until he’s blue in the face. Finally, I got him to put his words on paper.

You know what really pisses me off?

1. People at work. I mean seriously who the fuck do they think they are. Just because their “Job Title” is one fucking Indian character above mine on the totem pole they can just ask me to schedule a conference room or box up a FedEx package. OH, sorry! I forgot that in your busy little day that you don’t have time to fill out your goddamn name and address in the proper fields on the forms. MY BAD. Oh and you know what, in the time it took you to type me an email asking, “Hey, I need a conference room tomorrow at 2. Can you do that?” you could have just typed in a different recipient of the message and your request would be fulfilled. Oh, I know it’s just so you can feel powerful. And for that, fuck the people at work!

2. People who run to the fucking subway during rush hour like another train isn’t going to come in two fucking minutes. I mean seriously people slow the fuck down. The two minute wait is not going to make you lose your job, and if it does then you should get your fucking lazy ass out of bed so you don’t have to sprint through the metro station in your Calvin Klein dress pants.

3. Male Neck Scarves (Marfs). Yeah you know who you are. This is the most annoying fucking thing. I mean, when have men actually taken fashion ideas from women? Oh, let’s go buy a $30 piece of wool just in case my neck gets cold. WHAT THE FUCK? Oh, but it goes real nice with my wool dress jacket. Let me ask you this, when was the last time you can remember your neck actually being cold while you were working? Did you think to yourself, oh, my neck is really cold right now I guess I should wrap a scarf around it? NO, your neck is not cold, you don’t fucking need a scarf, and if you do, you might just straight cut off your dick because you are a vagina. When you put that on do you look in the mirror and say, oh, damn this really pulls the outfit together? Marfs are like throw pillows…POINTLESS! FUCKING NECK SCARVES, AHHHHHH.

4. Redskins Fans, what kind of fan are you if it takes your best player getting shot and killed to finally get behind them and rally your team? Oh, not to mention that all you do is hate on Philly fans when you are just as bad. SEATTLE WINS!

5. Overeager Elevator Pushers -I encountered one of these today, I’m standing waiting for an elevator to take me down to the subway. A girl comes up and pushes the already lit down arrows on both elevators. Logical, right? Like I’m just standing there waiting for someone to do it for me because I don’t understand how these magical doors work. It’s called common sense. Use it. Extra pushes don’t make it come any faster. Then, they get into the elevator and push the button like 8 fucking times to get to the platform. I guess 8 means warp speed. These assfaces are the same people that run to a train because 2 minutes is just too long to wait. God I hate commuters.

6. New Jersey –ENOUGH SAID. The only good thing that comes out of this state is a Fictional TV show and Less Than Jake.

7. People who shave their facial hair into a chinstrap. Seriously you need a reality check. Read the Marf section and these perfectly groomed douchebags are probably the same people. OH MAN, MY CHINSTRAP IS SO COOL.

That is just some of the many things that grind my gears.

Note. I’m not trying to be funny. This stuff seriously pisses me off.

Thanks, Zorro Dogg. Loved the rant. If any other readers want to submit a rant, email me at MikeHoncho@tastybooze.com.