Worst Oscar Winner Ever, Crash, to be TV Series?

I might have to kill someone.

Look at that smug asshole. Paul fucking Haggis. The man is such a hack, he gives stuffed sheep stomachs a bad name. When Crash came out, I went and saw it. And as I left the theater, I know I was in for trouble. Everyone was furrowing their brow, nodding in consternation, and generally patting themselves on the back for watching such a meaningful and important film.

SUCK. MY. BALLS.

Crash is the emperor’s new clothes. There’s no ‘there’ there. What was the point? That racism exists and is complicated? Well fucking thanks for that lightning bolt of insight! I don’t need a pale, Hollywood Scientologist who created WALKER: TEXAS RANGER to lecture the world on racism. The movie was glib, manipulative, and went for cheap, phony moments at every turn. And what happens? It buys wins the Oscar. Is there anything Scientology can’t do?

Critic Kenneth Turan said it best:

I don’t care how much trouble “Crash” had getting financing or getting people on board, the reality of this film, the reason it won the best picture Oscar, is that it is, at its core, a standard Hollywood movie, as manipulative and unrealistic as the day is long. And something more.

For “Crash’s” biggest asset is its ability to give people a carload of those standard Hollywood satisfactions but make them think they are seeing something groundbreaking and daring. It is, in some ways, a feel-good film about racism, a film you could see and feel like a better person, a film that could make you believe that you had done your moral duty and examined your soul when in fact you were just getting your buttons pushed and your preconceptions reconfirmed.

So now it’s going to be a TV series. Paul Haggis owes me a new Macbook Pro, because I just vomited all over mine…

Read the horrible news at Variety.com