Are there any Tasty Booze readers out there that are using Twitter? I usually try to keep up with the up and coming social networking technologies but I am just now dipping my toe into the jacuzzi that is Twitter. My lady friend is currently about one blackberry instant message away from crushing my Curve so this Twitter thing could be disastrous but I figured with an upcoming trip to Vegas now was as good a time as any to check it out.
If you want follow my twitter click this link and it will zoom you off to my profile. On the flip side if you have a Twitter profile leave your user name or a link to your profile in the comments to that I can feel popular and get my stalker on.
Tomorrow is the big prank day and most of us are stuck in some kind of an office environment which means you have to get creative. For those of you that are tech savvy MaximumPC has instructions for a great prank using Skype and $10. Using the conference call feature in Skype you can make 24 phones in your office ring simaltanously from your computer. The best part is that the caller ID on the office phones will show Unknown Caller so as long as you can keep a straight face no one will know it is you. If you really want to mess with your coworkers ring their cell phones and desk phones at the same time.
CNN has also posted their list of the top ten office pranks which range from kind of lame to just flat out mean. Number 7 on their list was by far my favorite.
7. Placed a sign on the restroom door that read, “The company ran out of toilet tissue; please use your own resources.”
That is just a little slice of genius. Here is one of the meaner pranks.
4. Called the electric company, used a co-worker’s name and told them he was moving so the electricity got turned off at the co-worker’s house.
While I would love to pull the Skype prank the people at my company are spread across three different buildings so it would be hard for me to really enjoy the full effect. However, I think the door to the bathroom out in the maintenance shop is screening for a “The company ran out of toilet tissue; please use your own resources.” sign. On the other hand I could use Group Policy to set the wallpaper on every computer to something funny. The key will be to find a picture that won’t land me in HR.
It is Monday afternoon and I can’t wait for it to end. I really should have taken a half day and gone to watch opening day of the Mariners. I just have to last a few more days and then it will be Vegas vacation. Today we have a cute college girl, Matt Leinart boozing it up with some ASU minors, Andy Roddick’s smokin’ hot fiancee and Sarah Larson’s drunken party pics.
Everyone makes jokes about not wanting to go to prison in a foreign country. I always think of Martin Lawrence’s quote from Blue Streak, “…nobody wants to go to jail in Mexico. They put all kinds of burritos in your ass.”
Well our own great state of Texas is taking a run at the title. A recent anonymous survey conducted by the Justice Department found that Texas prisons have the highest rates of rape in the country. In one prison 27.8% of the inmates reported being victims of “non-consensual sex acts”. Since we are talking about a prison full of dudes it doesn’t take a lot of imagination to figure out what they are talking about. We have all made jokes about federal-pound-me-in-the-ass penitentiaries but that number blew my mind.
The situation is so bad that the Justice Department just finished a TWO DAY hearing devoted to rape in Texas prisons. Normally, most people would want to get a prison rape talk knocked out in thirty minutes or less. You know the situation is bad when they devote 960 minutes to it.
So if you are heading somewhere in Texas like South Padre Island and you have a tendency to have a little too much fun and possible run-ins with the law, lock it up. One official was quoted as saying, “…victims tend to be younger, of slighter build and first-time offenders.” If you can’t lock it up you better contact Sean Connery about one of those anal bum covers he mentioned trying to invent on the below episode of Celebrity Jeopardy.
A Kitsap County, Wash., man was arrested twice in one day for driving under the influence. Kitsap County is located just west of Seattle, across the Puget Sound.
The 48-year-old male was first picked up on Friday morning, when his blood-alcohol level was nearly five times the legal limit, which is .08 in the State of Washington. This was his fourth arrest for driving under the influence.
Friday night, the man notched his fifth offense. This time registering a blood-alcohol level more than four times the legal limit.
Friday and Saturday nights are very sacred in the life of a single male in his 20’s. They are and forever will be reserved exclusively for hitting the bars with the guys. No negotiations. No dates, no movies, no poker night, etc. Those things were all created in order to get the 20-something guy successfully through the week with enough activities so it doesn’t seem so bleak in comparison to the amazement of the weekend bars.
The plans begin being laid on Tuesday afternoon, after the Saturday hangover is finally out of the system completely. By Thursday, the pre-funk and final destinations are set and off we go again. My personal group varies between 10-15 guys depending on the season. Some get girlfriends and depart for a couple months (always seeming to return eventually). Others are less inclined for this type of fun in the winter. Some move away or get jobs that interfere. The great thing about a group of this size is that by Thursday you know 5-7 guys are going to be available both nights. And the other great thing is that everyone plays a unique, but equally important, part of the group dynamic that leads to optimal fun. You have the planner (my roommate T Miz sends out the Tuesday email or mass text to kick off the weekly conversation and sets the mood on when its bar switching time), the starters (the guys that show up to the pre-funk already a little drunk from their pre-pre-funk and force everyone else to start drinking faster than they want), the buyers (the guys that get those first couple rounds of shots at the bar without blinking an eye at the expense), the ladies men (the guys that generally make the whole group more attractive to a set of co-eds), the aggressors (the guys with the balls to go up to those co-eds without any fear of failure), and the drinkers (the guys that love drinking and hanging out and are less interested in the bar scene girls). Their are numerous subsets within these groups (the shy guy you have to coax to come out but then unleashes when he gets some beers down, the cocky guy who doesn’t actually ever hit on girls, the guy who thinks fighting is a good idea around 1:30am, the guy who totally ruins your game by being way to drunk, etc), but I think you get the drift.
So anyway, we had the usual compliment of guys this past Friday night. The pre-funk was at my house this time - we happen to live pretty close to our favorite group of bars, so I expect this to be a common occurrence through the summer. The starters showed up around 8:30. They had been at their favorite bar for dinner and drinks since 6pm and already had set up 2 girls to meet them at our next location. (Note: the girls had hit on my friends, so of course our expectations were low - turned out to be average). They were drunk of course, and one of them was doing his famous “barking out” routine. Definitely the best dog impression I have ever heard - but can be tough when he “barks you out” at the bar when you are trying to play the staring game with some attractive prospect at the next table.
Or maybe this is just junk on top of junk. I mean, the Toyota MR2 was a pretty sweet ride back in the day but the nostalgia has probably worn out. Once you realize you can’t put a cooler in the trunk (or a dead hooker for that matter), talk about a huge red-flag to purchase this automobile. Although, you have got to give this guy some credit, he put together a fine set-up here to get his cooler full of booze to where ever he was going. Good times were probably had by all.
Jarrett Loft, 28, has been convicted to 60 days in jail on mischief of property charges after he asked seven different women to kick him in the balls. Loft would approach women on trails in the city park and ask them to do the deed. One woman, who was afraid of what would happen if she refused, obliged Loft by kicking him the ball sack “repeatedly”. Loft reportedly thanked the lady and then got on his bike and rode away. They left out the part where he rolled around on the ground crying like a small girl for 30 minutes and threw up multiple times.
Apparently Loft doesn’t have any reason for being upset at his balls other than saying that he had been watching internet porn and was “curious” about getting kicked in the balls. This chucklehead is actively looking for a kick in the balls and he chooses a bike as his getaway vehicle? Those things are going to be big, red and swollen. Why would you want to drop them on a bike seat? That is the only thing that is actually dumber than wanting to be kicked in the balls in the first place.
He probably could have avoided all this bullshit if he would have just handed some kid a wiffle ball bat and told him to take a swing.
We have got an extra large gallery of pics this morning to help you shake those Monday morning blues. This is probably the happiest I have been on a Monday in a while. Krystal helps that but it is really because I am going to be hopping a flight to Vegas Thursday night for a weekend of bachelor party debauchery with the guys. Final Four + Vegas + 13 buddies = Jackpot.
It is opening day here in Seattle and my Mariners are predicted by many to win the AL West. They have been known to implode offensively quite a bit over the last few years, but pitching and defense will hopefully be enough. Game time, 3:40pm. What could be more manly than baseball and beer in the middle of the day?
Typography + film audio = awesome. Mr Diggles collected his favorites here and they’re worth seeing.
Perhaps all we need is audio and the text, with some genius typographer leading us along. The same way John Williams knew what the shark was doing…Maybe image is dead. Bad news for filmmakers like me, but hey, I accept the inevitable future. Either way, it’s fun as hell.
By the bye, Mr. Diggles is an old friend of mine, and one that may not remember that we were ever friends. But he’s smart and internet savvy enough to figure it out. So add him to your daily reads and thank me later. Really…it’s good stuff.
There have been reports floating around the internet the last few days that Sacha Baron Cohen and a German film crew were “terrorizing” Kansas locals by dancing in hot pants in the Wichita Airport. It looks a quick thinking traveller managed to capture some of this “terrorizing” on camera. What the fuck is the guy in the khaki coat doing?
Everyone needs a movie of, well, virtually everything they do, right? These two people are marketing geniuses, and have realized the vast, untapped (read: completely tapped) market of “video movie”-making.
I defy you not to fall under the spell of their sales pitch!
Living in Seattle I have seen my fair share of rain but I haven’t seen a lot of guys in my general age bracket rolling around town with an umbrella. I am guessing I would probably see a few more if they could get their hands on a Umbuster.
The Umbuster has got an umbrella up top you keep your snazzy duds dry and a brass knuckle handle at the base that will let you drop an instant beat down on any morning commuter that gets out of line. I bet my buddy that rides the #11 bus into downtown every morning would love one of these. Apparently the Victorian Police (Australia) have categorized the Umbuster as a class 5 weapon meaning you would need a permit to own one.
Are there any Tasty Booze readers out there that are using Twitter? I usually try to keep up with the up and coming social networking technologies but I am just now dipping my toe into the jacuzzi that is Twitter. My lady friend is currently about one blackberry instant message away from crushing my Curve so this Twitter thing could be disastrous but I figured with an upcoming trip to Vegas now was as good a time as any to check it out.
