Jarrett Loft, 28, has been convicted to 60 days in jail on mischief of property charges after he asked seven different women to kick him in the balls. Loft would approach women on trails in the city park and ask them to do the deed. One woman, who was afraid of what would happen if she refused, obliged Loft by kicking him the ball sack “repeatedly”. Loft reportedly thanked the lady and then got on his bike and rode away. They left out the part where he rolled around on the ground crying like a small girl for 30 minutes and threw up multiple times.
Apparently Loft doesn’t have any reason for being upset at his balls other than saying that he had been watching internet porn and was “curious” about getting kicked in the balls. This chucklehead is actively looking for a kick in the balls and he chooses a bike as his getaway vehicle? Those things are going to be big, red and swollen. Why would you want to drop them on a bike seat? That is the only thing that is actually dumber than wanting to be kicked in the balls in the first place.
He probably could have avoided all this bullshit if he would have just handed some kid a wiffle ball bat and told him to take a swing.
Original Story: Guelph Mercury
