That is the kind of mullet that would generally win a Douche Bag of the Week title but the kid is only 3 so I am going to give him a pass. Let’s be honest that hair is the parents’ fault. No 3 year old understands the social consequences of rolling around town with a hairdo that says, “Business up front, party in rear.”
Frankly I don’t know what is more suprising.
1) Three-year-old Brady Arneson rocking one of the finest mullets I have ever seen.
2) Minnesota has a statewide mullet contest.
3) Brady won first place in said Minnesota Mullet Contest.
4) Brady’s older brother won first place in the mullet contest back in 2005.
The Arneson house is just a championship mullet machine. I bet they have to trim and brush their mullets nightly to keep in prime contest condition. Sure this little bastard is sitting on top of the world right now but he is going to be in a world of hurt when Mama Arneson busts out these photos to show his college girlfriend.
I wish I was making this up but K-Y thinks they can save your relationship with their new his and her lube. This isn’t your grandma’s tube of K-Y this is some new fancy ass shit to really help those relationships that are going through a rough patch.
With the nation’s divorce rate hovering around 50%, there is clearly a need for couples to better connect,” declares a news release from K-Y Brand personal lubricants. The man uses a blue lubricant containing a substance that is “invigorating.” The woman uses a purple lubricant providing a sensation that is “thrilling.” And when the two mix? A new sensation “ignites” between the two of them.
Yeah this has got to end well. They are marketing lube to people that would rather “ignite” each others faces with their fists. I already feel bad for the first guy that brings this home in hopes that it will help the situation. Two people that are one good argument away from a knife fight aren’t going to want to lube each other up no matter how “invigorating” or “thrilling” it is.
If you want “invigorating” buy a fucking bar of Zest, at least that way it will be useful once she boots you out of the house. There is nothing wrong with masturbating but it is just flat out sad to masturbate with the couples lube you bought to fix your relationship.
It’s a heavy video day here in the links. A guy is stuck in an elevator with diarrhea, Paula Abdul shows off her crazy, a valedictorian gives a pretty funny speech and Suzanne Stokes gets back to what she knows best.
David Blaine is at it again. The “Magician” just broke the Guinness World Record for holding one’s breath. The previous record of 16 minutes 32 seconds was set back in February. Blaine used the “Oprah” show as his stage for the record-setting feat, holding his breath in a water-sphere for 17 minutes 4 seconds and forcing the studio-audience to sit through this boring event.
Blaine is the biggest joke. At first he was kind of a cool magician, now he just specializes in endurance stunts - floating in water, laying in a frozen box of ice or living in a box. What’s next? Is he going to force himself to watch a marathon of Hallmark movies on the Lifetime Channel? Blaine even said that breaking the breath-holding record was “a lifelong dream.”
Well, Blaine has inspired my lifelong dream, it involves Blaine holding his breath forever! I will say that the best thing that ever came as a result of Blaine, was this hilarious video of his Street Magic on YouTube.
“I just got out of jail. I’m trying to have fun and whoop some ass.”
Fuck yeah! Why not celebrate your recent release from jail by whacking a bicyclist in the back of the head with a 32″ ice scraper? Kevin Diaz, 19, and his buddies were cruising the mean streets of Madison, WI in an SUV when they decided to start heckling a random bicyclist on the side of the road. Kevin hopped out of the SUV and whacked the guy in the back of the head with an ice scraper. When the bicyclist asked Kevin why he had hit him Kevin dropped the above gem. The three friends tried to chase the bicyclist on foot as he rode away (because chasing a bicyclist in a car is a ridiculous idea) but gave up after they found out a bicyclist travels faster then they can run.
The bicyclist was able to give the cops a good description of the SUV and all three dipshits were arrested a short time later.
I am down two to Diggles and basically backed into a corner so I had to turn to a professional for help. On the left we have Brandy Lynn a 24 year old from Sacramento. I don’t know much else about her but she looks like she is trying to get into the modeling game. On the right we have Marisa Miller. You might have seen her on the cover of a little thing called the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
I don’t know what ever happened to the mullet, but I am sure glad it left us for Canadian soil in the 90’s and has yet to make a comeback. Check out the top 15 celebrity mullets, info on LC’s potential sex tape, and free Viagra in today’s manly links.
The first round of The Bigger Dance is complete and it has been heated. In the Tastybooze pool, Ol’ Dirty is tied for first place with Mike Honcho at 31 out of a possible 39 points. Baba Ganoush is close behind at 29 while Mitch Martin (28), Frank The Tank (27), and J Diggles (27) are right in it too.
After today, however, I will quickly plummet to the bottom of the standings. This morning was the start of round two and 1-seeded Katherine Heigl (Knocked Up) was eliminated by old-and-tired Molly Sims! I had Heigl losing in FINALS to Jessica Biel so I am guaranteed 3 more losses and I am completely fucked. Does anyone still think Molly Sims is hot. Isn’t she like 50?
I am also a moron and picked Lauren Conrad (The Hills) over Megan Fox (Transformers). Fox won 52-19 and is possible the hottest tattooed female ever (besides Mr. Wonka). There weren’t a ton of upsets in the first round. Generally the higher seed won the match-up.
With Heigl out I honestly don’t know what to think anymore.
My Final Four prediction is now:
Jessica Alba vs Jessica Biel
and
Marisa Miller vs Eva Longoria (This pains me)
Biel will play Miller in the Finals and potentially lose. Did you see the cover of this years SI Swimsuit Issue? Now get some tissue.
Stay tuned for more updates from the hard wood as I fall from the top spot.
Recently we posted a tattoo that was dubbed the Ultimate Chick Repeller. Well, as the most tattooed TastyBoozer, I felt compelled to bring you yet another example of a tattoo that, while not as bad as the first, is simply not going to help with the ladies.
I guess the reasoning here is that this tat would make the ladies go, “Boy, I really want this guy to go for me, I better work hard not to be a bitch so he’ll trust me!” Well played, jackass.
Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday we have got Jeremy Piven hanging at the beach with a hot broad, Bar Refaeli looking good in some Russian mag, artists re-interpret our favorite cartoons and a possible Jimi Hendrix sex tape.
This is good ol’ John Daly knocking the ball around his course, Murder Rock Golf and Country Club. As you can tell, this isn’t a normal country club, with their uptight dress codes; big John likes to let his titties hang out when he’s golfing. Looks like he’s in prime tourney shape. Wonder when Phil “Piggy Tits” Mickelson is gonna let it all hang out?
If you were running for the President of the United States, who are a couple of people you would rather not have endorse you? Hmmm. How about Heidi Montag of The Hills and Kim Kardashian of absolutely nothing. Ya that sounds about right. Although I suppose they do bring in the “awful person who thinks she’s really hot” and “amateur porn star” vote, respectively. Unfortunately, those constituency groups often times tend to overlap (see Paris Hilton), limiting there impact.
Kim: “I had dinner with him [Obama] once, and he just seemed very firm about the change, and that’s, like, his motto.” Yes, good pick up on the motto my dear. Although you forgot the other part about taxing the hell out of people just like you! But wait, Kim had dinner with Obama? Oh I see, it turns out she was attending an event where he was speaking and they happened to serve food. Ya that sounds like an intimate one on one. I, on the other hand, have had dinner with my heroes Ken Griffey Jr and Alex Rodriquez because I ate a pretzel at a Seattle Mariners baseball game in 1998. It was delightful. The topper here though is that Kim gave her endorsement to the media while attending ex-con Joe Francis’ Girls Gone Wild party. Well done.
Let’s just be honest with one another, none of us really need an excuse to look at internet porn. However, it never hurts to have a little ammunition in reserve just in case your girlfriend, wife or even parents bust into the room. Researchers in Australia have found that men who blow their load regularly had a significantly lower risk of developing prostate cancer. The scientists believe that carcinogens build up in the prostate when a man does not regularly feed the ducks. In fact they found that men who ejaculated five times a week were a third less likely to get cancer.
First of all, can we nominate these guys for some kind of an award? Does anyone have the email address for the Nobel Prize committee so that I can forward this on? Not only have these researchers proven that it is healthy to masturbate (suck it bible thumpers) they have given us the only excuse we will ever need when we are caught watching porn. You aren’t a sicko abusing yourself to some platinum blonde getting double teamed, you are trying to maintain your prostate and prevent cancer. You are trying to make sure that you are around for years to come so that you can spend more time with your girlfriend, wife, kids, family, etc. You couldn’t come up with a better excuse if you tried.
Looks like I know what I am going to be doing after work tonight.
Last month I posted this dash cam clip that shows a South Carolina state trooper using the front end of his crown vic to stop a man fleeing on foot. It looks like he isn’t the only trooper that likes to ram shit with his car.
Check out the 2 for 1 special provided by a couple of other SC troopers below. The first half of the clip puts to bed the age old questions of “Crown vic vs. motorcycle, who would win?” and I think the message in the second half is “If we have to chase you, you will be rammed. Regardless of whether or not your vehicle is at a dead stop at the time of said ramming.”
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The first round of 
