The NFL draft is coming up in a just a couple of days, and it’s time to think about how your team will fuck it up again. I usually watch the draft alone on a cold concrete floor surrounded by lithium, vodka, and kerosene. This way I don’t have to be slowly killed by poor drafting; I can do the job myself if the Seahawks make Bill Bavasi like decisions.
While the actual draft can be rather painful, preparations for the draft are exciting as all get out. You have Mel Kiper doing some weird Elvis shit with his hair. Grown men drool and discuss young men in spandex. Plus, you have the awesome prognosticators who suggest your team take running back A over running back B, because running back A clearly has muscles that are more twitchy than B.
The king off all prognosticators, and the English language, is our loveable Emmitt Smith. Emmitt’s mind is powerful, but his speech is show stopping. For example, when describing a quarterback, or possibly, cornerback, or, well actually, anyone on the field Emmitt has been known to say “He gets the ball over to their third read than most quarterback can.” Wow. Never before have I understood the value of the their third read. I always thought my second read was most important.
When not helping the general public understand the nuances of professional football, Emmitt is a true altruist, passing his knowledge along to all the teams with first round draft picks. In fact, Walterfootball.com recently sat down with Emmitt to get a first hand look at his mock draft. Here’s a quick sample of Emmitt’s thoughts on the Kansas City Chiefs who are drafting fifth overall:
“I had to get some help for this No. 6 overall draft pick so I look through the wide world web for answers. It turns out that not one mock draft from 2008 have Tim Tebow, the great quarterback from Florida, going. Have not many people heard of this? Tim Tebow is a great player: He can run. And he can throw. “
Emmitt’s entire draft is over at walterfootball.com
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