Another weekend, another night on the town. No surprise. If you remember from v1 of this series (A Bar Hopping 20-Something), weekends are exclusively reserved for bar activity with the guys. Anyways, I like to call this episode “Girl Fight”.

It started out as a pretty standard night for myself, T Miz and the rest of the gang. We decided to go out to a higher-end area in order to appease the guys who think they are too good for the old neighborhood bars of their early 20’s. And of course by “higher-end”, I mean the drinks are twice the price and the girls are twice as bitchy. Nonetheless, there is something about the nicer weather that seems to make these aspects more manageable. It was turning into a big night and even some late-nighters (these are the guys that don’t even consider leaving their house until 11pm. I mean what the hell are they doing this whole time? And on top of that, they always show up alone. Weird.) rolled in around 11:30.

T Miz and some others did the usual dance routine, while I hung out at the bar for most of the night - and at about 1am we decided to call it. Post leaving the bar and pre deciding between a taxi and the nearest hot dog stand, T Miz eyed himself a beauty at the neighboring bar. He was well on his way to drunk and quickly ditched us to go after her. Myself and the remaining others were a few steps behind T Miz and as we joined him it became clear the beauty was no such thing. Not deterred by such nonsense though, T Miz was giving her the supermodel treatment and convinced us to go into the new bar and join the “beauty”. Most departed at this point, but of course I joined. I had been trained since the age of 21 to never leave a lone man behind in the field (especially if he is slated to cover half the cab fare home).

As it turned out, the “beauty” had a friend. Unfortunately, she was a terrible, miserable human being who had a severe distaste for other people. Never a good sign. I was stuck at that point though and the “beauty” was quickly proving her comedic worth via drunkeness. The better part of the red concoction in her hand ended up on herself and T Miz. He still wasn’t phased.

When the bar lights flashed once to signify closing time, T Miz began to develop his game plan. I was hoping to leave via cab, but he was having no such thing, “let’s get these girls to give us a ride home, I guarantee it will be entertaining.” I was willing to play along, but Evil Friend had no intention of driving us home and stated her point clearly on numerous occasions. T Miz persevered and eventually she caved just to shut him up. We got to the car, me in the front and T Miz and “beauty” in the back (note: we had to move a child seat into the trunk so everyone could fit…another good sign).

About a block into T Miz’s promise of an entertaining ride, it began. We were stuck in traffic and “beauty” was getting restless. Next thing I know she gets out of the car in the middle of the street and walks around to the drivers side. “Get out and let me drive.” Evil Friend yells at her and tells her to get the f%^* back in the car. “Beauty” gets back in but won’t stop bitching at her friend from the back seat. Once on the highway, Evil Friends decides to exhibit her anger with us all through reckless and scary driving. “Beauty”, on the other hand, decides to show her anger by smoking in her friends car. Evil Friend is fuming and as soon as we are out of the tunnel she pulls onto a sidestreet and tells “beauty” to get the hell out and walk home. This isn’t taken well and “beauty” takes a swing at her from the back seat. They engage in back-to-front seat combat and I stare at T Miz in complete shock.

T Miz - “What should we do?”

Me - “Let’s get the hell out of here”

We jump out, run, take our first right, laugh, and see a cab 100 yards down the street. We are home free. From the safety of the cab, it seems like a winning idea to go back to where Evil Friend parked and see what was up. We get there in the cab and Evil Friend and “beauty” are standing in the middle of the street staring each other down. Evil Friend sees the cab (and by now the 2 other cars watching) and tells us to get the f%&^ out of there. Naaaa. Suddenly, “beauty” rushes Evil Friend and knocks her to the ground. From the ground Evil Friend grabs a mass of “beauty’s” hair and pulls her self back up, spins around, headlocks “beauty” and KNEES her in the face. Purses fly, shoes come off, they are rolling on the ground. 3 cars full of people are in shock, so T Miz and I, along with the cabbie, get out to break things up. Evil Friend gets up, runs to the car and races off. “Beauty” ends up in the cab holding a wad of someone’s hair and her purse.

We make it a block from home, drop a $10, and jump out of the cab leaving “beauty” behind. T Miz was right, that was much more eventful than a cab ride.