Thats right, its the playoffs. No, not the NHL, because who cares about that (although pretty funny last night in the Penguins-Rangers game when Marc-Andre Fleury gave Sean Avery a completely unnecessary cup check). Its the NBA, and now that we are over halfway through with the first round, it is time for me to safely make my first round winner predictions without possibly being wrong. All those people who make predictions before the series starts need to rethink their strategy. For example, these guys (Front Row Sports) picked Phoenix to win in all. Should have waited a few games guys. Let’s quickly run through the match-ups.
Atlanta - Boston: I know you can’t name two players in the Atlanta starting five without cheating, so that can’t be a good sign. Boston moves on.
Philadelphia - Detriot: Remember that Dave Chappelle skit when he is emulating different NBA stars for their off-court actions as opposed to on-court ability. Scene: window rolls down, weed smoke pours out, “Rasheeeeed Wallace”. Pistons move on.
Washington - Cleveland: Lebron.
Toronto - Orlando: Dwight Howard actually eats other forwards for dinner. Seriously, he’s the next Shaq. Orlando moves on.
Denver - LA Lakers: Kobe loves Denver hotel rooms (remember the incident a few years back). No doubt his wife joined him this time. Lakers move on.
Dallas - New Orleans: After blowing it in the finals in 2006 and then getting ousted by an 8 seed in the first round in 2007, the Mavs are done. So done. And trading for Jason Kidd has actually made them worse. I never liked J Kidd because he is a whiny bitch, but now he is just a dirty player too. Check out the clip of him flipping Jannero Pargo around by his head. Chris Paul New Orleans moves on.
Phoenix - San Antonio: I gotta feel a little bad for Shaq on this one. He is just old and Pheonix runs to much for the big man. Although, I don’t think they would have done any better with Marion (proving he is nothing without Nash in Miami). San Antonio moves on.
Utah - Houston: Houston is one of those teams (even through their 22 game winning streak) that you just feel like is going to lose every night. I don’t know why, but every time they make a bucket I am surprised. Watching Utah play on the other hand is less fun than sticking forks in my eyes. Utah moves on.
Look for more 100% accurate predictions once the second round is well underway.
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
San Antonio’s hack-a-Shaq strategy is ridiculous. It’s hard to remember I am watching professionals when I see Robert “I haven’t hit a clutch shot in years” Horry just walk up and blatantly bear hug Shaq in the second-fucking-quarter.
Have a little dignity and self respect and play the game like the professionals you are supposed to be.