I’m not a pilot but I am pretty sure you aren’t supposed to land your plane directly on top of another plane that is trying to take off. I can understand the guy on the ground not seeing the guy behind him but what is the landers excuse? No one was hurt in the accident which makes the only victims here diginity and self respect.

Original Story: Fox News

Finally Friday has arrived. In the links today a penis gives a motivational speech, Audrina Page is looking good in a bikini, a reaction and a video to last night’s episode of the office and Kate Middleton does the flashing thing trying to get out of car.

• If My Boyfriend’s Penis Was A Motivational Speaker (Story)
• Audrina on the Set of Her New Shitty Movie (Pics)
• Rachel Nichols again! (Pics)
• The Office: Holy S&%$!!! (Article)
• You Might Disagree with Tammy Vallejos but I like her (Pics)
• Lunchtime Lust: Kyra Gracie Will Make You Tap (Pics)
• Saban to hold 7 “Mega-Talks” to the Bammeroid Nation (Sports)
• Kate Middleton: The Royal Upskirt Pictures (Pics)
• Hot Or Not 8 Revealed (Pics)
• Welcome to Scranton and I Love You (Video)

[Read more →]

I think the moral of this prank is that if you are an average Joe Schmoe walking down the street don’t dick around with any construction equipment. These nice folks are trying to lift this painter up but no matter which way the pull the lever he just keeps going down.

A man dressed in drag (Yep, that’s him below) climbed through the driver thru window of a Burger King and held up the store at gunpoint. Once the gunman collected all the cash he climbed back out the driver thru window and drove away. Cross dressing and climbing through the drive thru? This guy gets bonus points for creativity. The local cops are trying to track the guy down and they have made this brilliant deduction.

Robertson said the thief is probably a genuine cross-dresser because his necklace matched the dress, his nails appeared to be painted and the wig was well made. “Most of the time when somebody puts on a wig they’re just trying to hide their identity by putting on something like a Halloween Mask, but he’s pretty,” Robertson said.

That’s some damn fine detective work, Howard.

Original Story: WDSU.com

In this day and age we are all constantly mulitasking. Sometimes it works to our advantage, other times it rears up and bites us in the ass. This one definitely falls in the ass biting category. I am not exactly sure what Grace Won was thinking/doing when she wrote this headline but she might want to clear the browser history on her machine.

SATA hard dick drive cradle via Gizmodo

Yesterday was the nicest day of the year in Seattle, and today is supposed to even more the bomb. I went to my 2nd BBQ of the season last night and I felt the urge for something crisp and fresh, like an outdoor piss, to accompany my Hebrew National beef frank. No, Pyramid Curve Ball doesn’t taste like piss. Haven’t you ever peed outside, in the mountains perhaps, and just stretched as you took in a deep breath as the cool wind brushed across your bare… nevermind.

The Mariners weren’t playing last night so I needed something else to put me in a state of delirium as well as give me the feel of the ballpark.

“Not your straight over the plate summer brew!

Inspired by the traditional Kölsch style beers of Cologne, Germany, Curve Ball boasts a clean, crisp slightly herbal taste and a lighter body. With its sporty packaging and refreshing taste, Curve Ball is the perfect accompaniment to summer grilling and ballpark outings. Try swingin’ at it on a hot summer day!”

Pyramid Ales are brewed locally in Seattle, right across the street from Safeco Field. After tasting this fine beer, I am wondering if Ichiro sweat some of his greatness into each bottle.

This Curve Ball was the shit. With 4.9% ABV it doesn’t hit your consciousness out of the park, but it provides an excellent buzz for kickin’ it in the sun around the BBQuizzle. I, however, got plenty fucked up after 7 of these babies and was saying shit I wasn’t supposed to… breakin’ people up… no big deal. They were bad for each other anyway.

Curve Ball has a nice, sunny taste and is brewed seasonally (March-Spetember). If you prefer heavier beers, A) get over yourself and B) try a Curve Ball in the sun. You won’t be disappointed.

It’s been a while since we have had a Tasty Booze caption contest, but when I saw this picture yesterday I knew it was time to bring it back. That lucky little 12 year old bastard is Christian Elliott and he is hugging Jayde Nicole, the 2008 Playboy Playmate of the Year. Jayde returned to her home town of Port Perry, Ontario to sign autographs for fans.

Here’s the gig. You leave your best caption for the above photo and next Friday the Tasty Booze staff will pick one lucky winner who will receive a copy of Mario Kart Wii. The only requirement is that you give us a valid email address so that we can email you when you win and get your shipping address. The contest will be open until next Friday and you only get one shot. If you leave 5 comments only the first one is going to count towards winning Mario Kart.

Original Story: thestar.com — Product Page: Mario Kart Wii

Friday time baby.  Let’s focus on doing as little work as possible and surfing the internet for at least 4 hours today.  What better place to start than cigarette cleavage, trampoline accidents, the Entourage girl, and a new Top Model??

Double Viking - Flickr search: Cigarette Cleavage (Pics)
Cameltap - Girl on trampoline gone wrong (Video)
CO-ED Magazine - The 10 best songs from Stallone movies (Music)
Asylum - Eric’s ‘Entourage’ Girlfriend is a Cover Model? (Pics)
Holy Taco - 10 things that don’t make you as cool as you think (List)
The Bachelor Guy - 5 classic infomercials (Videos)
Weak Game - Explosion time (Video)
Complex - America’s thickest top model (TV)

Old and busted: Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son. –Dean Vernon Wormer, Animal House

New hotness: Holtz had told Michael Robert Dickey of Farmington Hills that it would be cheaper, faster and less painful for the people who cared about him if he took his own life.

A Michigan Judge dropped that bit of wisdom on Michael Dickey, 20, who was in court on a third charge involving alcohol the most recent being an MIP. Jesus Holtz, I am all for the tough love/teach them a lesson bullshit, but maybe the kid is just having a run of bad luck.

Original Story: Fox News

Lofa Tatupu made a poor decision when he decided to drink and drive. He made a worse decision when he was deciding what to drive. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Recently leaked video of Bill O’Reilly (current super conservative host of The O’Reilly Factor) freaking out on his old Inside Edition job. It is pure gold, especially if you have seen his show ever. I mean, wow.

“We will do it LIVE….F$%K IT”

And fortunately our friends at Double Viking have posted Stephen Colbert’s response to the Papa Bear O’Reilly’s Freakout….

College Humor has finally found the hottest college chick in America, KISS gets Rick Roll’d, the Tulsa mascot doesn’t take shit from anybody and PBR gets a shout out.

• We Have A Winner! America’s Hottest College Girl (Pics)
• Sarah Harding’s Hot Outfit (Pics)
• KISS got Rick Roll’d (Video)
• Don’t ‘F’ With The Tulsa Talons Swoop Mascot (Video)
• Janis G Would be a Fun Night Out (Pics)
• Dear Illuminati (Advice)
• Playboy Audition: Brittany Montague (Video)
• EA Sports Screenshots (Video Games)
• Gin Tan Is Cute And Crazy (Pics)
• Three Cheers for Pabst Blue Ribbon (Article)

[Read more →]

Remember two years ago when the video of R. Kelly allegedly having sex with a minor was leaked? Well, they are just now getting around to actually having a trial and trying to find jurors for said trial. Apparently finding jurors for a trial against a celebrity on kiddie porn charges is difficult. Here are some of the better excuses potential jurors have come with with, counting down.

5) I’ll change my vacation plans.
4) I have a teenage daughter.
3) R. Kelly is a musical genius.
2) I would change the age of consent.
1) R. Kelly may have led the Taliban in attacking us on 9-11, but you can’t prove it.

While the first four in the list are general abbreviations of excuses given number 1 on the list is a direct quote given by one of the potential jurors. I have to say that it is a slice of genius. I haven’t been summoned to jury duty yet but I know my days are numbered. I am going to store this excuse in my back pocket until that time comes. “I don’t know if I can be fair about these shoplifiting charges, your honor. This teenager could have been involved in the 9-11 plot.”

Original Story: Chicago Tribune

We’ve all done the fist bump. Maybe your team just scored, maybe you just bowled a strike, maybe you just won a rap battle. These are all acceptable times to bump fists with a friend. The picture on the right, however, illustrates a time where it is definitely NOT okay to bump fists.

In case you’re wondering, these guys were celebrating the completion of a deal that brought a 42-mile rail corridor into public ownership.

Yeah, I know. That’s fucking boring. Look, if the fist bump is brought into areas where it clearly does not belong, where does it end? Will Obama get a fist bump from Bill Clinton right after he’s sworn in? Will we, someday soon, see a surgeon give a tearful wife a bump after successfully removing her husband’s brain tumor? Are you gonna fist bump your buddy after he sucks the rattlesnake venom out of your inner thigh?

So in an effort to help you out, we here at TastyBooze have devised a simple set of rules to aid you in appropriate fist bumping.

1. If sports are involved, fist bumping is always acceptable.
2. If you are wearing a suit, you may only fist bump if you are drunk. Or if you have just wrapped part of your suit around your forehead.
3. You may not fist bump under any circumstances, in a hospital. Unless Rule #1 (or Rule #2) applies.
4. Do not fist bump someone else’s misfortune, even if it helps you. Just look down, furrow your brow, and nod sternly.
5. No fist bumping between the hours of 7am and 10am. And if you’re watching sports at this time, it’s probably soccer or NASCAR, and then you should really not be fist bumping. High fives will suffice for both.
6. Do not fist bump in a meeting. Even if you are drunk.
7. Do not fist bump your children. Unless you’re drunk, then it’s OK.
8. Girls can fist bump anytime they want. And yes, guys think it’s cute.
9. Do not refuse a fist bump. If you, as a bumpee, believe the bumper is violating a rule, speak to him afterwards. Refusing his bump is not going to help anything.
10. Do not fist bump yourself.

Happy fist bumping, kids! And if any of you have any photographic examples of bad fist bumps, send them to us, and we will make it known!

Julie Landry, 46, was arrested on cruelty to a juvenile charges after it was reported that she made a student unclog a toilet with his hands. Trevor Williams, 7, reportedly used a few to many shit tickets and clogged up the toilet. When Landry found out about it she told Trevor that he had to go unplug the toilet and if he did it again she would make “him pull it out with his teeth.” Landry then forced Trevor to unclog the toilet with his bare hands.

I am sure most people find this story disgusting. Due to a shared life experience known as being fraternity brothers in the WSU greek system Honcho, Yerzimbeck, and I have a slightly different take on this story. Our email exchange is below.

Mitch Martin to Hank Yerzimbeck, Mike Honcho
Sent 5/14/08 1:29 p.m.
Subject: Check out this story

http://www.wxix.com/Global/story.asp?S=8316747

At least the kids classmates didn’t keep using the toilet before he had to clean it out.

Mike Honcho to Hank Yerzimbeck, Mitch Martin
Sent 5/14/08 1:34 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story

Used too much toilet paper? Right. Either it was the greasiest shit ever, or this guy (7 year old) takes monster dumps.

Would have sucked to have to unclog it with his teeth…bobbing for turds?

Hank Yerzimbeck to Mike Honcho, Mitch Martin
Sent 5/14/08 3:18 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story

I don’t see why you’d get fired for something like this. Maybe it’s just that living in a frat really changes your perspective on things like pulling poop out of a toilet and sliding on your stomach butt naked on a floor covered with beer and piss

Mitch Martin to Hank Yerzimbeck, Mike Honcho
Sent 5/14/08 3:23 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story

Yeah it really desensitizes you to the whole “handling human feces” thing.

Of course to be fair the teacher should have at least given him a garbage bag to use as arm protection. That’s just common courtesy.

Hank Yerzimbeck toMitch Martin, Mike Honcho
Sent 5/14/08 3:37 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story

agrizzled

To be fair Lexington also shared this life experience with us but I forgot to include him on the email thread. I know, I’m the asshole.