We’ve all done the fist bump. Maybe your team just scored, maybe you just bowled a strike, maybe you just won a rap battle. These are all acceptable times to bump fists with a friend. The picture on the right, however, illustrates a time where it is definitely NOT okay to bump fists.
In case you’re wondering, these guys were celebrating the completion of a deal that brought a 42-mile rail corridor into public ownership.
Yeah, I know. That’s fucking boring. Look, if the fist bump is brought into areas where it clearly does not belong, where does it end? Will Obama get a fist bump from Bill Clinton right after he’s sworn in? Will we, someday soon, see a surgeon give a tearful wife a bump after successfully removing her husband’s brain tumor? Are you gonna fist bump your buddy after he sucks the rattlesnake venom out of your inner thigh?
So in an effort to help you out, we here at TastyBooze have devised a simple set of rules to aid you in appropriate fist bumping.
1. If sports are involved, fist bumping is always acceptable.
2. If you are wearing a suit, you may only fist bump if you are drunk. Or if you have just wrapped part of your suit around your forehead.
3. You may not fist bump under any circumstances, in a hospital. Unless Rule #1 (or Rule #2) applies.
4. Do not fist bump someone else’s misfortune, even if it helps you. Just look down, furrow your brow, and nod sternly.
5. No fist bumping between the hours of 7am and 10am. And if you’re watching sports at this time, it’s probably soccer or NASCAR, and then you should really not be fist bumping. High fives will suffice for both.
6. Do not fist bump in a meeting. Even if you are drunk.
7. Do not fist bump your children. Unless you’re drunk, then it’s OK.
8. Girls can fist bump anytime they want. And yes, guys think it’s cute.
9. Do not refuse a fist bump. If you, as a bumpee, believe the bumper is violating a rule, speak to him afterwards. Refusing his bump is not going to help anything.
10. Do not fist bump yourself.
Happy fist bumping, kids! And if any of you have any photographic examples of bad fist bumps, send them to us, and we will make it known!
62 responses so far ↓
1 Baba Ganoush // May 14, 2008 at 10:28 am
I am giving you a virtual fist bump for this post.
2 Bill Brasky // May 14, 2008 at 10:53 am
I thought this post was about fisting
3 Mitch Martin // May 15, 2008 at 11:00 am
What are the rules of engagement for the “blow it up” move after the fist bump has been completed?
If you “hose it down” you deserve a shot to the junk.
4 Baba Ganoush // May 15, 2008 at 11:25 am
@Mitch: Agreed. We need a second part to discuss post-fist bumping rules. I’m a fan or the implosion or “locking it”. Hose it down should only be used by fire fighters.
5 J Diggles // May 15, 2008 at 2:56 pm
if the fist bump explosion turns in to smoldering debris, sometimes you have no other alternative but to hose it down sons
6 NoRly // May 16, 2008 at 4:22 am
No Really i dont want your hand herpies so why dont you just keep it to yourself all together. Google “infections on hands” or throw the word virus in there and puke yourself to sleep ya dirty bastards. I’d rather bump fists that hand fark by shaking. m2c
7 Jeff // May 16, 2008 at 6:39 am
Fistbumping for any reason is gay.
8 Friday’s F.C. King Links « Loser with Socks // May 16, 2008 at 7:06 am
[...] Fist Bumping Etiquette [...]
9 CO-ED Magazine » Rules of the Fist Bump // May 16, 2008 at 8:21 am
[...] new trends come new rules to keep things from getting out of hand, so to speak. The good people of TastyBooze.com have compiled a list of guidelines to keep your fist bumping on the [...]
10 Irulej00 // May 16, 2008 at 9:42 am
Jeff is a gay name.
11 Phloozy // May 16, 2008 at 12:17 pm
My 4-yr-old nephew’s rule re: fist bumping at a funeral:
“NO FIGHTING IN CHURCH!”
12 Rules around Fist Bumping « Hello…I am Tyson // May 16, 2008 at 12:31 pm
[...] from http://tastybooze.com/2008/05/fist-bumping-rules/ courtesy of a Digg Link. Posted in [...]
13 Ra // May 16, 2008 at 6:57 pm
I want to fist bump that chick in the advertisement with the red fistbumping shirt, with my babyfist
14 Geminate // May 16, 2008 at 7:12 pm
If anyone attempts to fist bump me and they make no contact with me, I punch them in the mouth. If they make contact with me, I punch them in the nose, since that usually is more bloody. If a woman tries to fist bump me (which hasn’t happened yet) I ask them if they are a tramp and to show me the stamps.
15 Like the Fist of an Angry God // May 17, 2008 at 12:04 am
I’m gonna fistbump my dad when I see him this weekend. He’s always “syyyyyyyked” me when shaking hands. 60 years old and still trying to sye me. Big kid!
16 Clark // May 17, 2008 at 2:58 am
Hey Geminate!
If you ever even meet a woman I’m sure her fist will be aimed a little further south than your hand!
Chaka Kahn!
17 Fist Bumping Rules - Benzworld.org - Mercedes Benz Discussion Forum // May 17, 2008 at 5:50 am
[...] I found this on FARK. I have decided to break rule #10 every chance I get. ^^^ Not so good. Fist Bumping Rules 1. If sports are involved, fist bumping is always acceptable. 2. If you are wearing a suit, you [...]
18 David // May 17, 2008 at 6:04 am
I’ve already seen Obama do a fist-bump. At one of his recent rallies, someone ran up onto the stage with him (forget who), and they did the fist-bump. I don’t know - I guess I expect a little more gravitas from these contenders.
19 Awkward Summer // May 17, 2008 at 9:05 am
Can we get some love for the elbow bump!
20 Qozmiq // May 17, 2008 at 3:04 pm
The fist bump is an Native American greeting. look it up.
21 The Ren // May 19, 2008 at 11:29 am
The Fist Bump Comes from The Civil Rights Movements of the 60’s.
And a Native American Greeting
Made Popular by The Olympic Protest of 1968 .
http://www.infoplease.com/spot/summer-olympics-mexico-city.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/stories/october/17/newsid_3535000/3535348.stm
22 at east-lake.net // May 19, 2008 at 3:16 pm
[...] Fist Bumping Rules: 5. No fist bumping between the hours of 7am and 10am. And if you’re watching sports at this time, it’s probably soccer or NASCAR, and then you should really not be fist bumping. High fives will suffice for both. [...]
23 Piss & Moan Volume 23 | sqwable // May 20, 2008 at 7:15 pm
[...] Tasty Booze - Fist Bumping Rules [...]
24 My Mother // May 20, 2008 at 8:21 pm
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2008/03/07/
This is necessary.
25 Darby // May 20, 2008 at 9:02 pm
I want to fist (bump) Jessica Biel for looking so good in a bikini:
http://www.derober.com/2008/05/20/jessica-biel-is-worth-stalking/
26 jimmy // May 20, 2008 at 9:32 pm
the author of this wants head bumped in his stupid fcking face
27 Deviant Empire » Blog Archive » Fist Bumping - Am I Disqualified? // May 20, 2008 at 9:34 pm
[...] just saw this article and it dawned on me that I might have to start practicing fist bumping with either hand in case the [...]
28 The 10 Rules of Fist Bumping | ZachIsHere // May 20, 2008 at 9:42 pm
[...] Via Tastybooze.com [...]
29 Dave H // May 20, 2008 at 9:52 pm
rule #5 sucks and is not really a rule - ever made an eagle in golf at 7:30 Sunday morning!
30 » Blog Archive » THe 10 Rules of Fist Bumping // May 20, 2008 at 10:00 pm
[...] As stolen from here: [...]
31 FORKLIFT DRIVER HAN SOLO // May 20, 2008 at 10:06 pm
IS IT ACCEPTABLE TO FIST BUMP A WOOKIE IF YOU JUST BLOWED UP A DETH STAR???? LooL361
32 bill t // May 20, 2008 at 10:13 pm
It’s called a POUND not a Fist bump you Anglo-saxon turd.
33 Mr. Wonka // May 20, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Dave H, see Rule #1, it trumps all others…gotta read carefully here at TastyBooze…
34 Stationstops.com // May 20, 2008 at 10:19 pm
There is a thin line between rule breakers and ground breakers.
Maybe we just witnessed the fist bump’s introduction to contract signing.
35 GreenLantern // May 20, 2008 at 11:03 pm
But what about how to fist bump? I’ve had several awkward fist bumps in my day due to different fist bumping styles.
Do the fists go straight at each other?
Do you hit the bottom of your fist to the top of the the other guys fist?
Do you hit the top then the bottom then go knuckle to knuckle?
These questions must be answered to avoid future awkward fist bumps.
36 petro // May 20, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Fist Bumping is actually not the preferred nomenclature please. Giving the Knuckles, please - or, if you’re a fan of the whole brevity thing, simply; “Knucks”. Let’s try it.
Bowling. A strike is bowled. Observer says to bowler “Dude, nice. Knucks.” Knucks are given (fists are bumped).
37 CFA Level 1 // May 20, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Funny stuff.
38 Hi // May 21, 2008 at 12:45 am
@Baba
You violated rule number 5.
39 kiddecks // May 21, 2008 at 1:35 am
its called dap you tuhwats.
fuhksake.
40 Pound // May 21, 2008 at 1:39 am
Anything with “bump” in it is gay, unless it yo baby-mama. Even coke is gay when it’s called a “bump.” It’s called a “RAIL.” And “fist bumps” are called “POUNDS.”
Get it right.
41 Robin // May 21, 2008 at 3:33 am
Yeah, it’s fist POUND. Great way to rip off penny arcade, faggots.
42 Stuff to Look At - 5/21/08 | s00per.com ( · )( · ) hand check! // May 21, 2008 at 5:14 am
[...] The Rules of Fist Bumping (Story) [...]
43 Pound yo' mama // May 21, 2008 at 6:50 am
Fist Bump is perfectly acceptable, you “hipster’s” who call it “knucks” or “pounds” or “daps” are also correct, but don’t knock the fist bump just because of your term for it. Just as flip flops are called thongs in some parts of the US, even though thong is a G-string in other parts.
FIST BUMP FIST BUMP FIST BUMP FIST BUMP
44 Matt Duke // May 21, 2008 at 8:10 am
I believe it’s “bumpor” not “bumper”. Like payor and payee, etc.
45 jhone moller // May 21, 2008 at 8:13 am
This is necessary for any one to have this webpage
46 Mr. Wonka // May 21, 2008 at 8:16 am
I believe it’s “World’s Greatest Nitpicker”, not “Matt Duke”.
47 Rick Rickert » Blog Archive » Rules for Fist Bumping // May 21, 2008 at 8:46 am
[...] Compliments of TastyBooze.com [...]
48 Quick Hits : Know the Ledge // May 21, 2008 at 9:13 am
[...] Here is a list of ten fist bumping rules. My favorite “2. If you are wearing a suit, you may only fist bump if you are drunk. Or if you have just wrapped part of your suit around your forehead.” [...]
49 Poundy McPoundenstein // May 21, 2008 at 11:12 am
It’s a pound. This is not debatable. Bump = Intelligent Design, Pound = Evolution. There can be only one.
Well, there can be two, but one is wrong, embarrassingly wrong. And outdated.
50 Justus // May 21, 2008 at 2:22 pm
It’s not called a fist bump. It’s referred to as “pounding it”.
51 Mr. Wonka // May 21, 2008 at 4:33 pm
holy hell, some people call it fist pound, some say fist bump…I think of a fist “pound” as an up and down motion, as in, you know, POUNDING something…the fist bump is straight on, as in, you know…BUMPING something…
but that’s just me. either way, calm down kids. thanks for the comments, but don’t work yourself into a lather about something that’s supposed to be funny.
52 ibmetom // May 21, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Baba Ganoush said “I am giving you a virtual fist bump for this post” I’ll second that, but just to be safe I’m gonna get drunk first.
53 SomeGuy // May 21, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Here in the very-anti-fashionable midwest (where outdated cool trends come to die) we call it “punching the clock”, then probably “pound”, and never “bumps”. I like “knucks”, consider it yoinked.
“Blowing it up” is usually reserved for places where repeated clock-punching will occur, i.e. work, couch watching sports, etc. In public, socially or in greeting-mode, you NEVER blow it up. But should you get the premonition that your social-bumpor is going to “blow it up” and you both do, its a nice bonding experience, usually leading to shots being purchased in the near future!
54 bumping ugly // May 21, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Please shut up. Bumping is straight on, pounding is up and down, and knuckles is stupid.
55 Nomee Is // May 21, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Where I come from, they call ‘em “Bones”.
Re: 9; I reckon!
56 RULES OF THE FIST BUMP « // May 22, 2008 at 6:08 am
[...] Read The Rest Here [...]
57 Tyler Durden // May 25, 2008 at 11:20 am
No, no, no. The first rule of fist bumping is “you do not talk about fist bumping”.
58 Andy // May 26, 2008 at 7:39 am
How about this one?
First bump a sleazy guy who’s making out with your 18yo sister at 3am in a club.
True story…I was the aforementioned sleazy guy….and those dude affectionately fist-bumped us both
59 its // Jun 5, 2008 at 6:38 pm
hey obama
way to fistbump
history made forever
60 Non-Anglo Nor Saxon All-Knowing // Jun 11, 2008 at 8:49 pm
NO! A pound, like dap, is a fist on top of fist motion. However, a pound is generally a light emotionless tap, a greeting of hello or goodbye.
Now, dap is a physical response to an emotional event or occurance. “Gimme some dap!” b/c you just found out that your MaybeBaby was really your homie’s kid. Your team won some competition or whatever.
Fistbump is whatever it is but it’s certainly not gay. Although fisting could be very gay if it involves the same number of men that fistbumping does
61 eric cartman // Nov 15, 2008 at 12:36 am
“Mom, this blogger’s Being a Dildo!”
62 GW - Keeping It Real To The Very End // Dec 11, 2008 at 12:00 pm
[...] Focusing on a smooth presidential transition, nah. Preparing our troops for withdrawal, nah. Fist bumping [...]
Leave a Comment