We’ve all done the fist bump. Maybe your team just scored, maybe you just bowled a strike, maybe you just won a rap battle. These are all acceptable times to bump fists with a friend. The picture on the right, however, illustrates a time where it is definitely NOT okay to bump fists.
In case you’re wondering, these guys were celebrating the completion of a deal that brought a 42-mile rail corridor into public ownership.
Yeah, I know. That’s fucking boring. Look, if the fist bump is brought into areas where it clearly does not belong, where does it end? Will Obama get a fist bump from Bill Clinton right after he’s sworn in? Will we, someday soon, see a surgeon give a tearful wife a bump after successfully removing her husband’s brain tumor? Are you gonna fist bump your buddy after he sucks the rattlesnake venom out of your inner thigh?
So in an effort to help you out, we here at TastyBooze have devised a simple set of rules to aid you in appropriate fist bumping.
1. If sports are involved, fist bumping is always acceptable.
2. If you are wearing a suit, you may only fist bump if you are drunk. Or if you have just wrapped part of your suit around your forehead.
3. You may not fist bump under any circumstances, in a hospital. Unless Rule #1 (or Rule #2) applies.
4. Do not fist bump someone else’s misfortune, even if it helps you. Just look down, furrow your brow, and nod sternly.
5. No fist bumping between the hours of 7am and 10am. And if you’re watching sports at this time, it’s probably soccer or NASCAR, and then you should really not be fist bumping. High fives will suffice for both.
6. Do not fist bump in a meeting. Even if you are drunk.
7. Do not fist bump your children. Unless you’re drunk, then it’s OK.
8. Girls can fist bump anytime they want. And yes, guys think it’s cute.
9. Do not refuse a fist bump. If you, as a bumpee, believe the bumper is violating a rule, speak to him afterwards. Refusing his bump is not going to help anything.
10. Do not fist bump yourself.
Happy fist bumping, kids! And if any of you have any photographic examples of bad fist bumps, send them to us, and we will make it known!
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I am giving you a virtual fist bump for this post.
I thought this post was about fisting
What are the rules of engagement for the “blow it up” move after the fist bump has been completed?
If you “hose it down” you deserve a shot to the junk.
@Mitch: Agreed. We need a second part to discuss post-fist bumping rules. I’m a fan or the implosion or “locking it”. Hose it down should only be used by fire fighters.
if the fist bump explosion turns in to smoldering debris, sometimes you have no other alternative but to hose it down sons
No Really i dont want your hand herpies so why dont you just keep it to yourself all together. Google “infections on hands” or throw the word virus in there and puke yourself to sleep ya dirty bastards. I’d rather bump fists that hand fark by shaking. m2c
Fistbumping for any reason is gay.
Jeff is a gay name.
My 4-yr-old nephew’s rule re: fist bumping at a funeral:
“NO FIGHTING IN CHURCH!”
I want to fist bump that chick in the advertisement with the red fistbumping shirt, with my babyfist
If anyone attempts to fist bump me and they make no contact with me, I punch them in the mouth. If they make contact with me, I punch them in the nose, since that usually is more bloody. If a woman tries to fist bump me (which hasn’t happened yet) I ask them if they are a tramp and to show me the stamps.
I’m gonna fistbump my dad when I see him this weekend. He’s always “syyyyyyyked” me when shaking hands. 60 years old and still trying to sye me. Big kid!
Hey Geminate!
If you ever even meet a woman I’m sure her fist will be aimed a little further south than your hand!
Chaka Kahn!
I’ve already seen Obama do a fist-bump. At one of his recent rallies, someone ran up onto the stage with him (forget who), and they did the fist-bump. I don’t know - I guess I expect a little more gravitas from these contenders.
Can we get some love for the elbow bump!
The fist bump is an Native American greeting. look it up.
The Fist Bump Comes from The Civil Rights Movements of the 60’s.
And a Native American Greeting
Made Popular by The Olympic Protest of 1968 .
http://www.infoplease.com/spot/summer-olympics-mexico-city.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/stories/october/17/newsid_3535000/3535348.stm
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2008/03/07/
This is necessary.
I want to fist (bump) Jessica Biel for looking so good in a bikini:
http://www.derober.com/2008/05/20/jessica-biel-is-worth-stalking/
the author of this wants head bumped in his stupid fcking face
rule #5 sucks and is not really a rule - ever made an eagle in golf at 7:30 Sunday morning!
IS IT ACCEPTABLE TO FIST BUMP A WOOKIE IF YOU JUST BLOWED UP A DETH STAR???? LooL361
It’s called a POUND not a Fist bump you Anglo-saxon turd.
Dave H, see Rule #1, it trumps all others…gotta read carefully here at TastyBooze…
There is a thin line between rule breakers and ground breakers.
Maybe we just witnessed the fist bump’s introduction to contract signing.
But what about how to fist bump? I’ve had several awkward fist bumps in my day due to different fist bumping styles.
Do the fists go straight at each other?
Do you hit the bottom of your fist to the top of the the other guys fist?
Do you hit the top then the bottom then go knuckle to knuckle?
These questions must be answered to avoid future awkward fist bumps.
Fist Bumping is actually not the preferred nomenclature please. Giving the Knuckles, please - or, if you’re a fan of the whole brevity thing, simply; “Knucks”. Let’s try it.
Bowling. A strike is bowled. Observer says to bowler “Dude, nice. Knucks.” Knucks are given (fists are bumped).
Funny stuff.
@Baba
You violated rule number 5.
its called dap you tuhwats.
fuhksake.
Anything with “bump” in it is gay, unless it yo baby-mama. Even coke is gay when it’s called a “bump.” It’s called a “RAIL.” And “fist bumps” are called “POUNDS.”
Get it right.
Yeah, it’s fist POUND. Great way to rip off penny arcade, faggots.
Fist Bump is perfectly acceptable, you “hipster’s” who call it “knucks” or “pounds” or “daps” are also correct, but don’t knock the fist bump just because of your term for it. Just as flip flops are called thongs in some parts of the US, even though thong is a G-string in other parts.
FIST BUMP FIST BUMP FIST BUMP FIST BUMP
I believe it’s “bumpor” not “bumper”. Like payor and payee, etc.
This is necessary for any one to have this webpage
I believe it’s “World’s Greatest Nitpicker”, not “Matt Duke”.
It’s a pound. This is not debatable. Bump = Intelligent Design, Pound = Evolution. There can be only one.
Well, there can be two, but one is wrong, embarrassingly wrong. And outdated.
It’s not called a fist bump. It’s referred to as “pounding it”.
holy hell, some people call it fist pound, some say fist bump…I think of a fist “pound” as an up and down motion, as in, you know, POUNDING something…the fist bump is straight on, as in, you know…BUMPING something…
but that’s just me. either way, calm down kids. thanks for the comments, but don’t work yourself into a lather about something that’s supposed to be funny.
Baba Ganoush said “I am giving you a virtual fist bump for this post” I’ll second that, but just to be safe I’m gonna get drunk first.
Here in the very-anti-fashionable midwest (where outdated cool trends come to die) we call it “punching the clock”, then probably “pound”, and never “bumps”. I like “knucks”, consider it yoinked.
“Blowing it up” is usually reserved for places where repeated clock-punching will occur, i.e. work, couch watching sports, etc. In public, socially or in greeting-mode, you NEVER blow it up. But should you get the premonition that your social-bumpor is going to “blow it up” and you both do, its a nice bonding experience, usually leading to shots being purchased in the near future!
Please shut up. Bumping is straight on, pounding is up and down, and knuckles is stupid.
Where I come from, they call ‘em “Bones”.
Re: 9; I reckon!
No, no, no. The first rule of fist bumping is “you do not talk about fist bumping”.
How about this one?
First bump a sleazy guy who’s making out with your 18yo sister at 3am in a club.
True story…I was the aforementioned sleazy guy….and those dude affectionately fist-bumped us both
hey obama
way to fistbump
history made forever
NO! A pound, like dap, is a fist on top of fist motion. However, a pound is generally a light emotionless tap, a greeting of hello or goodbye.
Now, dap is a physical response to an emotional event or occurance. “Gimme some dap!” b/c you just found out that your MaybeBaby was really your homie’s kid. Your team won some competition or whatever.
Fistbump is whatever it is but it’s certainly not gay. Although fisting could be very gay if it involves the same number of men that fistbumping does
“Mom, this blogger’s Being a Dildo!”
So is it ok for a guy to fist pound a girl? I got a crush on this hot guy at the gym and he greets me with a fist pound. Im sad to think that he is only interested in buddy relationship. Or is it the beginning for something well eeeey??