If you are upset because your local Hot Topic has run out of ghosts you can dry your tears because John Deese is here to save the day. That’s right John sells ghosts. More specifically Mr. Deese sells ghosts that are in bottles. Let’s be honest, an unbottled ghost can be a real bitch, so you can’t beat the pre-bottled convenience.
How does Mr. Deese get these ghosts, you ask? He contracts with professional ghost catchers, dumbass. Of course Mr. Deese won’t say how he actually gets the ghosts into the bottles once the professionals have done their work. He considers that a trade secret.
“Well, if you went to KFC, you wouldn’t ask for secret recipe,” Deese said. “They’ll go in and catch them from haunted establishments, cars, hotels, maybe even graveyards.”
Genius. The Colonel’s recipe has been secret for almost 70 years so you can’t argue with that logic.
Of course there is a product page and just so you know a ghost is going to set you back about $20. There is an entire warning page on the site so don’t be fuckin’ around once you get your ghost in the bottle.
It is not recommended that you break or open the bottle. The intent of this product is for entertainment purposes only. We have had several customers open or break the bottle and contact us stating that unexplained things have occured in their homes and how could this activity be stopped?!
1 response so far ↓
1 Paco // May 28, 2008 at 8:57 pm
You should change the name of your column to “Floridians are dumbasses”
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