Well, the day has finally arrived - the day that women aged 18-65 have been waiting for since the final episode of “Sex And The City” on HBO. More than four years since that fateful night, “Sex And The City” is back in movie form today. (Or last night for those obsessive fans who felt the need to see a midnight showing… And yes, “Sex And The City” is like the “Star Wars” for vaginas.)
As I’ve said before, a majority of my coworkers are female and all of them are in the “Sex And The City” demographic. Since the four bitches squashed their personal issues and decided they needed some more coke money, I’ve heard about every tidbit of information about the movie (fuck you Perez Hilton!). From the dresses, to the plot line, rumored endings, theatrical trailer, big screen release, etc. and it has all accumulated to today.
There is a weird vibe in the office today, like the time someone found a used condom in the storage room. Some have purposefully taken the day off, some are mysteriously out “sick”, and some are so giddy for this evening’s girls’ night out (cosmos with dinner, 9 o’clock showing, then to some trendy bar/club, followed by drunken causal sex) that doing actual work today is simply unrealistic.
Any hetero dude caught going to this film needs to have some serious time to reflect. Even if your excuse is that your girlfriend made you go, you need to come to terms with the fact that your girlfriend obviously has no friends herself and that is a bad sign. I’m sure there was an episode about this at some point during the six agonizing seasons that she probably made you watch the past two months to get ready for the release of the movie.
So, I ask the question that all women will be inquiring about today: Are you a Carrie, Samantha, Miranda or Charlotte? If you ask me, you can just call me Mr. Big.
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If you are a hetero male and attend this with a female at the bare minimum you should get a hand job.
Kind of like only tipping 10%