May 1st, 2008 by Mitch Martin · 69 Comments · 1,132 Views
A couple of weeks ago Holy Taco put together a list of the 11 manliest cocktails in the world. We thought we would take it the other way and put together a list of the ten drinks you shouldn’t be caught dead with. Whether you are out with the boys or trying to scam on some ladies there is no excuse to be sipping anyone of these unmanly drinks.
Wine Spritzer - First off what the fuck is a spritzer? Secondly why would any man that has a pair be caught dead with one?
Apple-tini - If you are man and you are holding a martini glass the liquid inside better be clear or brown not neon fuck green. Basically you shouldn’t drink anything that has a “-tini” in the drink name. Apple-tini, Choco-tini, etc.
Blow Job Shot - This is a classic shot of choice for bachelorette parties and girls-night-out activities. If a man is caught taking one of these shots, it either means that he has lost a bet, gay, or in the process of a sex-change.
Vodka w/ Cranberry Juice - “It’s a natural diuretic. My girlfriend drinks it when she’s got her period. What, do you got your period?” –The Departed
Mike’s Hard Anything - There is nothing hard about any of these drinks, they are fruit flavored sugar bombs. Just because they sell them at sporting events doesn’t make them acceptable.
Water - If you need a break then man up and drink a Bud Light like everybody else.
Michelob Ultra - There is no such thing as a beer that goes with working out. If you are going to drink a beer, drink a fucking beer and don’t be a goddamn sissy.
Anything with Diet Coke - I don’t care if you are mixing it with rum or JD, there is nothing manly about announcing to the entire bar that you are watching your calorie intake.
Zima w/ Jolly Rancher - This was the favorite drink of the high school chicks back in my day. Enough said.
Cosmopolitan - a good rule is that if the ladies on Sex and the City drink it there is no excuse for you to have it in your hand.
Well said Mitch. Just to clarify though, did I see you drinking Michelob Ultra’s at the wedding last night? Maybe that’s why you were only able to make it to .15, bitch.
13drinks what he drinks // May 14, 2008 at 12:34 am
you’re out of your minds. some of the drinks on there kick ass (although you’re dead on about blowjob shots). besides, if you had a pair, you wouldn’t be so worried about what people thought about your drink, and maybe a little more concerned with your overly obvious attempts to appear more manly than you really are. succeed at scoring with that hot chick at the end of the bar and you won’t have to worry about what drink you’re holding…pansies.
That’s… that is just silly. Bud Light? Damn, that’s one of the worst beer in the world - rated by professionals at RateBeer.com - check it. Yep, Bud Light REALLY IS for sissies. You can drink 18-20 bottles of it and it won’t even make You pee, that’s embarrasing and sad. European and African beers rock, lads, these are for real men. Ergo - that rating is made by a “real man” who drinks water with a bit of pee color added to it and calls it a “beer”.
I have to repeat previous posters; if you really have a pair you wont have to worry about what you are drinking. In fact it shows you have a real pair of them if you choose to drink anything of the above while not making a fuzz about it.
Also, having a glass of water in between every two or three of your drinks also shows you have the brains to complement your balls.
You go on with your manly manliness of tequila shots and what have you and we’ll go on humoring the ladies.
/me drinking a glass of cold milk right now and enjoying it.
All you Americans drink gay drinks all the time. Bourbon or moonshine are the only American drinks that aren’t weak as gnats’ piss. Even those, you drink like jobbie-jabbing arse-fairies.
Bud Light instead of water? It’s weaker than water you brown-tunnelling benders.
Says a lot when the most renowned drinkers in America are the hideous crones from Sex and the City….
The list is blindingly obvious it’s like saying driving a pink car is a bit ‘unmanly’, everyone knows it already. The only one I disagree with is having diet coke as a mixer, not a big deal.
You fucked up the Spritzer thing - it’s basically just white wine with mineral water. The result is something with as much alcohol as beer, really good for quenching thirst. It’s quite popular here in Central Europe and mostly popular with men, I don’t remember seeing a girl drink it.
I know it’s not manly, but if your in a hurry, diet coke can actualy be usefull. If you swap normal coke for diet coke, you get 60% more alcohol into your blood stream, something to do with lack of suger in diet coke.
@Darren Steele - ANAL syphilis eh? whatever kind of pussy you are is obviously not familiar with the words that are coming out of his mouth. Maybe you meant contract syphilis anally? or maybe you where differentiating from the much more common foot and knee syphilis?
30Bud is Irish for Penis // May 14, 2008 at 4:20 am
Theres nothing manly about Budweiser either, its a dense amount of preservative chemicals and a low alcohol content, its an alcopop that badly resembles beer, try a decent export from Belgium or Germany.
There is no vodka in that The Departed scene.
Let me refresh your memory about what happens:
Billy Costigan: [to the bartender] Cranberry juice.
Man Glassed in Bar: It’s a natural diuretic. My girlfriend drinks it when she’s got her period. What, do you got your period?
[Billy grabs an empty glass and smashes it onto the man’s head.]
So obviously it’s the tough guys who drink cranberry juice. And here in Europe, real men also drink vodka. It’s a great combo for when you’ve had too many real beers.
So you got it all wrong, you piss-gargling idiot. There is also something very homo about you wanting to impress the guys with your manlyness.
Americans shouldn’t talk about booze at all.
Dude, are you that insecure about your “manliness” that you have to put together a list? BTW–it should be Water over Bud light. I just discovered adding a little mineral water to my favorite Scotch Whiskey really makes a difference. Those Scotts know their stuff. Who woulda thunk it?
You forgot the unmanliest drink of all time that I once got my mate to drink, the sidecar! Beat that!
Mojitos are another one that is unmanlier than anything else on that list.
If you see someone drinking water you know they must be hard because they’ve cained it so much all night they don’t give a rats ass who’s looking, they just need rehydration.
I’d have to faithfully disagree with at least a couple of these. Namely “Anything with Diet Coke”. I’d rather watch my calorie intake than have the biggest man tits at the bar. Nothing says unmanly more than jiggling man tits. Being manly doesn’t mean you can’t watch calories or care about carb intake. What manly list are you going to make up next, best places to punch your wife without it showing up to other people?
“Bud Light instead of water? It’s weaker than water you brown-tunnelling benders.”
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
You must be one of those tough Europeans, you know the type that spend their whole life boozing and fighting with one another. That’s what I want to be when I grow up. A white trash alcoholic with an anger problem. But your a man, man, mannnnnnnnn.
I am going to take this list serious and have a serious opinion about both the order and the content. I am going to post that opinion because I am correct. Many other opinions are foolish.
water is not manly? Well neither is getting so dehydrated from drinking alcohol that you can’t adequately perform later on in the evening. Anyone who would take this list seriously is a sad person.
The funny thing is these “girly drinks” have more alcohol than “manly drinks”. Call me crazy, but a real man would want to drink something more alcoholic. Makes me think that Mitch can’t handle his alcohol.
As an Englishman, I would rather drink water than an American Lager, especially Bud. If I was desperate, I would piss in a bottle and drink that before Bud.
Please shut up and drink a good beer. All you Euro idiots think that the US has only terrible beer, but you seem to forget all the bullshit lager you produce. True, your mass market stuff might be better then Bud, but you can’t even come close to competing with our microbrews. Now go suck a dick with your bad teeth.
bud light is the nastiest beer i’ve ever had. tastes exactly what i imagine piss would taste. if you’re concerned your calories AND your manliness, go for an irish cream beer like guiness. They contain less calories that bud light, and are way manlier, and tastes way better.
I couldn’t disagree more on the Diet Coke entry. I take it that you must be unmanly if you need to use diet sodas as mixers due to the fact that you are a diabetic. Yeah, drinking sugar like an idiot would make perfect manly sense therem don’tcha think ?
Meh… It got alcohol in it? I’ll drink it!
if you are a man, you know there is no such thing as man-drinks or female-drinks, it’s only a problem when you are not certain of your own sexuality.
I have to agree with Jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj with their comment of number 42 i believe it was… This is just another way to hide their alcoholism… Plus if men didn’t have NASCAR to hide their alcoholism… then they would be trying to find places to beat their wifes in places so they wouldn’t get hauled off to jail. This list is another lame excuse for men to hide their lack of testosterone. I proudly sport the “Bitch Beers” in my fridge, and if you have a problem with that, i will be the less of the two drunk people beating your ass because you don’t have the wits or the balance to stand on your own two damn feet.
Diet drinks aren’t always for calorie watchers you douche. Some of us are hypoglycemic or diabetic and would like to get our drink on without dying right away…No sugar means Diet Coke…Nice research you did. Where’s the Lemon Drop? Where’s the Mojito? Where’s the Corona with Lime?
If you won’t touch any of the drinks on this list just because you’re afraid that it will make you look “unmanly”, you’re pathetically insecure. Don’t let anyone –much less some anonymous geek with a blog– dictate your tastes!
[…] Flaming shots are great visuals, but drinking them and just serving them can be dangerous. In fact, many bars and clubs have stopped serving them altogether due to the fire hazard. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that lighting fires around a shit ton of alcohol is never a good idea. Well, if the bars/clubs won’t do it, why not try it at home…nothing bad is going to happen…right… (Headphones recommended). […]
69 responses so far ↓
1 CO-ED Magazine » Shocking Video: Miley Cyrus/Vanity Fair Photoshoot // May 1, 2008 at 9:00 am
[…] 10 Unmanliest Drinks In The World […]
2 Mr. Wonka // May 1, 2008 at 3:47 pm
what if you’re name is actually Mike, and you buy the drink as part of an elaborate pick-up routine? (”Want to see a real Mike’s Hard etc.”)
3 Lexington Steele // May 4, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Well said Mitch. Just to clarify though, did I see you drinking Michelob Ultra’s at the wedding last night? Maybe that’s why you were only able to make it to .15, bitch.
4 Mitch Martin // May 4, 2008 at 6:55 pm
@Lexington
Nice try, jackass. I was sucking down IPAs all night.
Only a true mountebank would put a drink on an unmanliest drinks list and then drink it two nights later.
5 Dickard // May 13, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Can you please add to that list the new Bud Light with artificial Lime flavor? Don’t let the name fool ya, it’s a cooler.
6 Mac G // May 13, 2008 at 2:15 pm
How about all things Pucker? Apple, Watermelon, etc.
In my bartending days, we had a policy that no man could order any pucker shots.
just check out their website? Enuff Said
http://www.dekuyperusa.com/Pucker.aspx
7 Mac G // May 13, 2008 at 2:17 pm
I want to add those Miller Chills to the list.
My buddy left them in my fridge for our fantasy football draft and just last month, I was finally able to pawn the last one off on someone.
8 ?????????????? // May 13, 2008 at 6:11 pm
great list, but Pucker is really missing )
9 jason // May 13, 2008 at 10:18 pm
great post. I feel more like a man when I look at Megan Fox’s bare boobies:
http://www.derober.com/2008/05/12/megan-foxs-boobs-could-align-the-planets/
10 List-O-Rama Volume 9 | sqwable // May 13, 2008 at 10:27 pm
[…] Tasty Booze - The 10 Unmanliest Drinks In The World […]
11 lex // May 13, 2008 at 11:48 pm
i drink all of these and can still kick your ass. how about that
12 conni // May 14, 2008 at 12:31 am
You missed the Pink Lady
13 drinks what he drinks // May 14, 2008 at 12:34 am
you’re out of your minds. some of the drinks on there kick ass (although you’re dead on about blowjob shots). besides, if you had a pair, you wouldn’t be so worried about what people thought about your drink, and maybe a little more concerned with your overly obvious attempts to appear more manly than you really are. succeed at scoring with that hot chick at the end of the bar and you won’t have to worry about what drink you’re holding…pansies.
14 enlighten // May 14, 2008 at 12:38 am
Th most un-manly drink is the “Shirley Temple”.
15 j // May 14, 2008 at 1:04 am
This is the most retarded article I have ever read.
16 3lvi5 // May 14, 2008 at 1:13 am
That’s… that is just silly. Bud Light? Damn, that’s one of the worst beer in the world - rated by professionals at RateBeer.com - check it. Yep, Bud Light REALLY IS for sissies. You can drink 18-20 bottles of it and it won’t even make You pee, that’s embarrasing and sad. European and African beers rock, lads, these are for real men. Ergo - that rating is made by a “real man” who drinks water with a bit of pee color added to it and calls it a “beer”.
17 Steve // May 14, 2008 at 1:30 am
What an insecure article.
18 JF // May 14, 2008 at 1:50 am
Yawn.. Girl drinks.. boy drinks.. In what world do you live? I drink Champagne with Crème Cassis.
Santé.
19 Nick // May 14, 2008 at 1:55 am
I have to repeat previous posters; if you really have a pair you wont have to worry about what you are drinking. In fact it shows you have a real pair of them if you choose to drink anything of the above while not making a fuzz about it.
Also, having a glass of water in between every two or three of your drinks also shows you have the brains to complement your balls.
You go on with your manly manliness of tequila shots and what have you and we’ll go on humoring the ladies.
/me drinking a glass of cold milk right now and enjoying it.
20 See YOUnextTUESDAY // May 14, 2008 at 2:02 am
All you Americans drink gay drinks all the time. Bourbon or moonshine are the only American drinks that aren’t weak as gnats’ piss. Even those, you drink like jobbie-jabbing arse-fairies.
Bud Light instead of water? It’s weaker than water you brown-tunnelling benders.
Says a lot when the most renowned drinkers in America are the hideous crones from Sex and the City….
21 CraigTorso // May 14, 2008 at 2:05 am
For all this macho bluster surely real manly men don’t know what the girls from Sex in the City drink in the first place
22 Alex // May 14, 2008 at 2:12 am
The list is blindingly obvious it’s like saying driving a pink car is a bit ‘unmanly’, everyone knows it already. The only one I disagree with is having diet coke as a mixer, not a big deal.
23 Matek // May 14, 2008 at 2:19 am
You fucked up the Spritzer thing - it’s basically just white wine with mineral water. The result is something with as much alcohol as beer, really good for quenching thirst. It’s quite popular here in Central Europe and mostly popular with men, I don’t remember seeing a girl drink it.
24 norsevoodoo // May 14, 2008 at 2:42 am
so i am not manly if i drink water?
hmmm…..lemme see, the world wont have many men then…
looks like someone needs to get a life.
25 H2O // May 14, 2008 at 2:52 am
WTF…Water? Seriously?
26 Darren Steele // May 14, 2008 at 2:56 am
jobby-jabbing-arse-fairies - brilliant - I nearly crapped in my pants with laughter.
American pussies would rather contract anal syphilis than drink proper beer
27 tonje // May 14, 2008 at 3:01 am
the worlds most unmanly drink is malibu & pineapple.
I even know a guy who drinks it….. wtf?
28 Mark // May 14, 2008 at 3:05 am
I know it’s not manly, but if your in a hurry, diet coke can actualy be usefull. If you swap normal coke for diet coke, you get 60% more alcohol into your blood stream, something to do with lack of suger in diet coke.
29 stillboy // May 14, 2008 at 3:30 am
@Darren Steele - ANAL syphilis eh? whatever kind of pussy you are is obviously not familiar with the words that are coming out of his mouth. Maybe you meant contract syphilis anally? or maybe you where differentiating from the much more common foot and knee syphilis?
30 Bud is Irish for Penis // May 14, 2008 at 4:20 am
Theres nothing manly about Budweiser either, its a dense amount of preservative chemicals and a low alcohol content, its an alcopop that badly resembles beer, try a decent export from Belgium or Germany.
31 Fred Poo // May 14, 2008 at 5:03 am
If water isn’t manly, then I’m happily riding the gay train to fagtown.
@Darren: spoken like a true asshole.
32 BigJR // May 14, 2008 at 5:05 am
I don’t care what my drink looks like to others.
If anyone has a problem with what i’m drinking they can kiss my hairy ass.
33 ??????? ???????? // May 14, 2008 at 5:43 am
There is no vodka in that The Departed scene.
Let me refresh your memory about what happens:
Billy Costigan: [to the bartender] Cranberry juice.
Man Glassed in Bar: It’s a natural diuretic. My girlfriend drinks it when she’s got her period. What, do you got your period?
[Billy grabs an empty glass and smashes it onto the man’s head.]
So obviously it’s the tough guys who drink cranberry juice. And here in Europe, real men also drink vodka. It’s a great combo for when you’ve had too many real beers.
So you got it all wrong, you piss-gargling idiot. There is also something very homo about you wanting to impress the guys with your manlyness.
Americans shouldn’t talk about booze at all.
34 ?????? - Gilli » Blog Archive » The 10 Unmanliest Drinks In The World // May 14, 2008 at 6:16 am
[…] ?????????? ????? ??????????! […]
35 name // May 14, 2008 at 6:26 am
I’m a woman, and I’m going to have to disagree with number 6. Water is a total turn on for me. I’d sit next to any guy drinking a glass of tap water.
36 teebo // May 14, 2008 at 6:29 am
yea all those people in the 3rd world that are dying of dehydration have effectively forfeited their manliness…… douchebags.
37 Dan // May 14, 2008 at 7:02 am
Drinks mixed with diet coke are actually stronger, because the sugar breaks down some of the alcohol, while substitutes have no effect.
38 ang // May 14, 2008 at 7:30 am
What about fuzzy navels?
39 List: 10 Unmanliest Drinks In The World « THE DAVIS DIVE // May 14, 2008 at 7:45 am
[…] read more | digg story […]
40 Al Boosh // May 14, 2008 at 7:51 am
Dude, are you that insecure about your “manliness” that you have to put together a list? BTW–it should be Water over Bud light. I just discovered adding a little mineral water to my favorite Scotch Whiskey really makes a difference. Those Scotts know their stuff. Who woulda thunk it?
41 David // May 14, 2008 at 8:16 am
You forgot the unmanliest drink of all time that I once got my mate to drink, the sidecar! Beat that!
Mojitos are another one that is unmanlier than anything else on that list.
If you see someone drinking water you know they must be hard because they’ve cained it so much all night they don’t give a rats ass who’s looking, they just need rehydration.
42 Jjjjjjjjjjj // May 14, 2008 at 9:36 am
I’d have to faithfully disagree with at least a couple of these. Namely “Anything with Diet Coke”. I’d rather watch my calorie intake than have the biggest man tits at the bar. Nothing says unmanly more than jiggling man tits. Being manly doesn’t mean you can’t watch calories or care about carb intake. What manly list are you going to make up next, best places to punch your wife without it showing up to other people?
43 Jjjjjjjjjjj // May 14, 2008 at 9:41 am
“Bud Light instead of water? It’s weaker than water you brown-tunnelling benders.”
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
You must be one of those tough Europeans, you know the type that spend their whole life boozing and fighting with one another. That’s what I want to be when I grow up. A white trash alcoholic with an anger problem. But your a man, man, mannnnnnnnn.
44 Real man // May 14, 2008 at 10:17 am
LAME. Being a “real man” is not giving a flying fuck what people think about what you drink. Are you really that insecure? Shame…
45 Awkward Summer // May 14, 2008 at 10:36 am
I am going to take this list serious and have a serious opinion about both the order and the content. I am going to post that opinion because I am correct. Many other opinions are foolish.
46 none // May 14, 2008 at 11:05 am
water is not manly? Well neither is getting so dehydrated from drinking alcohol that you can’t adequately perform later on in the evening. Anyone who would take this list seriously is a sad person.
also, aren’t cosmos cranberry/vodka?
47 lolza // May 14, 2008 at 11:22 am
fail
48 lolza // May 14, 2008 at 11:22 am
oh yeah go watch sex and the city
49 Susan // May 14, 2008 at 11:57 am
The funny thing is these “girly drinks” have more alcohol than “manly drinks”. Call me crazy, but a real man would want to drink something more alcoholic. Makes me think that Mitch can’t handle his alcohol.
50 sab0tage // May 14, 2008 at 12:00 pm
As an Englishman, I would rather drink water than an American Lager, especially Bud. If I was desperate, I would piss in a bottle and drink that before Bud.
51 D# // May 14, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Yeah. Don’t dring water because it is not cool enough. I think it is called Darwinism in action.
52 You are dumb // May 14, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Please shut up and drink a good beer. All you Euro idiots think that the US has only terrible beer, but you seem to forget all the bullshit lager you produce. True, your mass market stuff might be better then Bud, but you can’t even come close to competing with our microbrews. Now go suck a dick with your bad teeth.
53 hans // May 14, 2008 at 7:20 pm
bud light is the nastiest beer i’ve ever had. tastes exactly what i imagine piss would taste. if you’re concerned your calories AND your manliness, go for an irish cream beer like guiness. They contain less calories that bud light, and are way manlier, and tastes way better.
54 pg // May 14, 2008 at 9:51 pm
I couldn’t disagree more on the Diet Coke entry. I take it that you must be unmanly if you need to use diet sodas as mixers due to the fact that you are a diabetic. Yeah, drinking sugar like an idiot would make perfect manly sense therem don’tcha think ?
55 The Blogfathers Blog Archive » Drinks For Real Men - Dads You Can't Refuse // May 15, 2008 at 12:47 am
[…] When your buddies come over, don’t make any mistakes. Like serving one of the 10 unmanliest drinks in the world….. […]
56 Craigslist // May 15, 2008 at 5:04 am
I’m not gay, I swear!
57 Jjjjjjjjjjj // May 15, 2008 at 8:15 am
“If I was desperate, I would piss in a bottle and drink that before Bud.”
Yeah, drink your own piss before Bud. That’s manly.
58 nick // May 15, 2008 at 10:44 am
at least mike’s makes funny commercials!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUNalV4ughc
59 EarlOfLade // May 16, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Meh… It got alcohol in it? I’ll drink it!
if you are a man, you know there is no such thing as man-drinks or female-drinks, it’s only a problem when you are not certain of your own sexuality.
60 Phlee // May 16, 2008 at 5:43 pm
I have to agree with Jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj with their comment of number 42 i believe it was… This is just another way to hide their alcoholism… Plus if men didn’t have NASCAR to hide their alcoholism… then they would be trying to find places to beat their wifes in places so they wouldn’t get hauled off to jail. This list is another lame excuse for men to hide their lack of testosterone. I proudly sport the “Bitch Beers” in my fridge, and if you have a problem with that, i will be the less of the two drunk people beating your ass because you don’t have the wits or the balance to stand on your own two damn feet.
61 Hypoglycemic // May 17, 2008 at 9:55 pm
Diet drinks aren’t always for calorie watchers you douche. Some of us are hypoglycemic or diabetic and would like to get our drink on without dying right away…No sugar means Diet Coke…Nice research you did. Where’s the Lemon Drop? Where’s the Mojito? Where’s the Corona with Lime?
62 Jamfris // May 18, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Having half a pint it’s not manly either… you have to bring a dr. certificate if you want to escape shame at a pub…
63 Enlazator 2.24 | Aglarond Blog // May 18, 2008 at 5:05 pm
[…] 10 bebidas menos masculinas que se pueden pedir (enlace) Para que sepas a qué […]
64 Mitch // Jun 20, 2008 at 8:39 am
Anything with diet ehh…How bout if you are a diabetic. Idiot
65 TG // Jul 9, 2008 at 2:42 pm
If you won’t touch any of the drinks on this list just because you’re afraid that it will make you look “unmanly”, you’re pathetically insecure. Don’t let anyone –much less some anonymous geek with a blog– dictate your tastes!
66 Flaming Shots - Always A Bad Idea // Jul 10, 2008 at 2:00 pm
[…] Flaming shots are great visuals, but drinking them and just serving them can be dangerous. In fact, many bars and clubs have stopped serving them altogether due to the fire hazard. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that lighting fires around a shit ton of alcohol is never a good idea. Well, if the bars/clubs won’t do it, why not try it at home…nothing bad is going to happen…right… (Headphones recommended). […]
67 List: 10 Unmanliest Drinks In The World « Home Bars // Aug 26, 2008 at 4:59 am
[…] read more | digg story […]
68 List: 10 Unmanliest Drinks In The World « Wine Racks // Aug 26, 2008 at 1:54 pm
[…] read more | digg story […]
69 Hoasuby // Oct 6, 2008 at 9:03 am
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