Mom: So cute! Look, he’s wearing a bandana, and he’s holding a beer just like daddy. A cigarette, kids can’t smoke! Hahahahaha.

Abused child: (tears welling behind terrible sunglasses)

Mom: Oh, I wish daddy was still here. I remember when he used to fix his bike in the kitchen, and make fun of me for being a woman.

Abused child: what’s a daddy?

Mom: Shut up! Gimmie that beer momma needs a drink.

Staci (mom’s trashy friend from New Jersey): Take a picture a ‘dis, an let’s get to Sully’s. I hear they got a special on cheap beer and broken dreams tonight.

Mom: Ok, hold on…Johnny, I’m going to pour some of this juice into your cup ok. Take a couple sips, ok.

Abused child: This tastes like poverty.

(10 minutes later)

Staci: He asleep, we need to git.

Mom: (Kisses Johnny on the forehead) ok, be good, I’m going to find a daddy.

(15 years later Johnny is sitting in the auditorium of Franklin High School taking his senior year pictures. He’s pleased that the Canadian flag lapel pin he found on the ground that morning that really sets off his black on black outfit.)

Senior quote: That’s what she said.

Moral: Giving a child a drink is not funny, it ruins lives.