Last week we asked you, Would you rather be allergic to beer, or have your penis shrink by an inch? And 64% of you answered that you would rather be allergic to beer. Well, as it turns out, 64% of you answered wrong. Why? Well, I asked the question, so I get to decide the answer. All you get to do is reply in the comment section that I am an idiot…which, of course, is always welcome.

Your Social Life:

So, yes, if you still play Star Wars in the toilet with your best guy friend you might be a little embarrassed by the smaller penis. But assuming you are no longer 7 years old, this probably isn’t a big deal. On the other hand, what the hell are you going to do with the guys without beer??? Going to bars, now sucks. Playing cards, now sucks. Going to strip clubs, now sucks. BBQ’ing, now sucks. Beer is a necessity in your social life. Inch longer penises are not. Point: Beer.

Your Sex Life

Ok, so the inch longer penis clearly is more important here than above. You want to impress the ladies, no doubt. But, let’s be honest, how are you even going to get the ladies to your bedroom without the assistance of beer. Beer puts you in that smooth “I am not too drunk, but am buzzed enough to hit on the girls” mood. Where as, hard alcohol puts you in that “I am fearless and will try to get in the girls pants at the bar and then get slapped” mood. Besides, you aren’t using your penis to get them into bed. And once they are there it’s not like they are going to look at it and run….you are still golden. Point: Beer.

Your Personal Life:

Masturbating with a smaller penis is probably easier, and you waste less of that valuable lotion. Besides, what are you going to drink while sitting home alone in your boxers playing NCAA Football 2009? Point: Beer.

Sorry penis lovers, it’s a clean sweep. 3-0 Beer. Besides, as one of our commenter’s pointed out, your penis is only really worthwhile between the ages of 20-40….and beer is the companion that gives forever.  Drink up.