Here’s the scenario: My friend is having a house-warming party, a keg is provided, but like a good friend and knowing my friends, it is also recommended to bring alcohol. This alcohol serves two purposes - first, to avoid a beer-run after the keg gets tapped, and secondly, excess beer for when you come over in the next couple of weeks to watch football/baseball playoffs. Customarily, I bring my case of Miller Lite.
The party is going well, flip cup, beer pong, general drunken debauchery, which means the keg is slowly reaching its end. I start to see Miller Lite in people’s hands. By the time I get to the fridge, my stash is gone and what’s left… Hamm’s! Fuck Hamm’s and fuck the horse it rode in on (read: the son of a bitch who brought Hamm’s). There are two types of people who bring Hamm’s to a party: A cheap bastard and someone who hates everyone else at the party. You can usually tell who this person is upon entry, as their case of beer is likely concealed by a paper bag or a desperate attempt to cause a distraction. Example: “I think I just saw your neighbor walking around naked in her front lawn! (Sneaks case of shit-beer into fridge) Or she could have just been wear a flesh-toned night shirt, it’s really dark outside.”
As I look around the party, squeezing my can of Hamm’s with disgust, I try to find the most likely Hamm’s purchaser. There are many reasons why Hamm’s sucks, here are just some:
- It’s not purchased with great frequency. Therefore the can I am drinking was probably brewed before I was born.
- The can screams cheap. Now that I’m stuck drinking this shit, I look more like a tool. I must immediately find a cup.
- It’s not Miller Lite.
- The after-taste is what I imagine a rusty nail would taste like.
Seriously, no matter how poor you are, you should be smart enough not to make poor decisions when it comes to beer. Pony up an extra couple bucks for anything else, trust me, because if I come to a party and you bring Hamm’s, you’ll never hear the end of it!
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Well put sir. Hamm’s sucks ass and nothing beats an ice cold Miller lite.
I haven’t had Hamm’s since my freshman year of college… I gave a guy $10 to get me beer and he comes back with a case of Hamm’s… we are no longer friends.
Agrizzled. I don’t mind slamming down some Vitamin-R’s but there is just no excuse for showing up with Hamm’s.
the way i see it…..the guy with the hamms bought shitty beer, and then drank your not as shitty beer. so he wins and you lose, i’m bringin hamms. M-F’s!
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Hey there Baba Ganoush and the other dipshits that have commented so far. You sound just like all the other pussies out there that have to drink real beer when the girlly, watered down, lite beer is gone. “Oh this tastes bad…..who can drink this stuff……….I need to change my tampon”, give me a break. First of all you are at a party large enough to have a keg that gets finished and you think the beer you left in the fridge is gonna be untouched? Unless you are gaurding the fridge, aint gonna happen. Guys who wanna keep drinking are gonna drink. At least the dousche bag who has never tasted Hamms and only brought it because it is cheap got of without paying as much as you did. Now that we have established that you are a total fuckin retard, we can move on to the beer in question. Just because a beer is cheap does not make it bad, and chances are, the container it comes in looks like it did 30 years ago because its still old school. These beers have not spent the millions in advertising to try to create a, “Hey, I’m cool cause I drink Miller Lite”, image. Beers like Hamms, Old Style, Schlitz, and Pabst Blue Ribbon, to name a few, sell to who they are suppost to; men, not little boys who don’t know what a real beer is supposed to taste like. Most of the beers that guys like you make fun of……..Hamms, for one………helped make this great country of ours. So you keep right on drinkin your Miller Lite and feelin up the other fellas at the parties you go to there, pusscake. I’ll be proudly drinking my Hamms in the container it came in, at any social setting and be proud of it.