Mo, thanks for putting Mitch on the radio yesterday, we will love you forever. Now let’s get to business. You are a sports show. You are in Cincinnati. We need your help. As you know, Seattle is a bastion of misery when it comes to sports. I want to put cigarettes out in my eyes every time I see the Oklahoma City Thunder play (Durant WILL average over 30 ppq two seasons from now). Anyway, the Mariners have absolutely no talent save an old leadoff hitter who doesn’t walk and a young strikeout king who doesn’t win. Our big acquisition this offseason was Mike Sweeney. And yes, if I didn’t obsessively collect baseball cards through the 90’s I may not even know who that is.
The ask: HELP US GET GRIFFEY. You must have talked to him at some point. Put in a good word for us. Tell him we miss him. Tell him our 116 win season was empty without him. Tell him to take an incentive laden contract based on merchandise sales. It’s a win-win for the idiot Mariners. If Griffey can’t match our current CF Franklin Gutierrez’s production last year (.248, 8, 41) I will personally pay his contract.
In return for your help, while I cannot give you back all the years the Reds wasted trying to be a contender with Junior, I can offer you an AWESOME Tastybooze.com hat (I know, I know, you are excited), some kick-ass seattle salmon, mayeb a pine tree or two, and how about a $5 Starbucks gift card. Hard to beat that offer. It’s a better deal then the Tyler Chicken gave the Yankees for George Costanza, that’s for sure.
Only you can save another pathetic Mariners season Mo, only you…
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Junior you have the City of Cincinnati’s complete and utter blessing to go and help Seattle continue their quest for mediocrity. We only hope your absence can do the same for us.