To The Woman That Crapped In My Car

by Mitch Martin on February 12, 2009

This has got to be the funniest thing I’ve seen on Craigslist since the vagina couch. Generally I would just post an excerpt but things disappear from Craigslist so quickly I figured I should probably just go for the full monty.

We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it
could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever
been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMahons on Lake Street sharing that basket of
Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was
a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked
forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just
happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t
feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that
said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny,
not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I
did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my
uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of
the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they
call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your
pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other
hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a
heated leather seat…
What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more
than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in
fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.
I await your call,
Bruce

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…