It seems that Universal Studios has had the brilliant idea to make a movie out of the board game, Candyland. No, I am not making this up. It may seem like a horrendous idea, but at least it’s being written by one of the writers from Tropic Thunder, Etan Cohen. But are there really enough stoners out there to make this work? In the interest of alliteration, are they going to get Kris Kristofferson for the King of Kandy?
Well, in the spirit of hopefulness, allow me to offer up my ideas for other board games-turned-movies:
Chutes and Ladders - A huge fire threatens vacationers at a waterpark. John Travolta’s toupee burns off before everyone realizes that they can use the waterslides to douse the fires.
Life - Martin Lawrence and Eddie Murphy are inmates in a…wait…never mind.
Sorry! - The sequel to Candyland, everyone gets their money back from the previous installment.
Balderdash - National Treasure 4. Tagline: “If you thought it was retarded before, you haven’t seen nothing already before now!”
Scrabble - A “Where are they now?” style documentary following the surviving members of the 90’s one-hit-wonder Us3. (subtitle: On the Microphone I Babble)
Connect Four - A romantic comedy about a love quadrangle set in an overcrowded prison. Tagline: “Love is a bitch. And sometimes so are you…”
Monopoly - Will Smith finally completes his dream sweep by appearing in all 4 summer blockbusters in 2011, entitled “Monopolies 1 - 4″.
Risk - A moving documentary chronicling all the guys that have drunkenly slept with Tara Reid, and the issues and tension they face while waiting for their STD test results.
Hungry, Hungry Hippos - (insert generic Kirstie Alley/Jessica Simpson joke here)
Chinese Checkers - An edge-of-your-seat espionage thriller about a Chinese diplomat (Gary Busey) who absconds with the former US President’s dog (Kristen Dunst).
Trivial Pursuit - Set in the 1980’s and based on a true story, young actors John Travola (Cate Blanchett) and Tom Cruise (Jackie Chan) along with help from the Church of Scientology, struggle to rid themselves of microscopic gay aliens in their blood (Shia LaBeouf).
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I’m in for Risk and Balderdash. Are the tickets up for pre-sale on Fandango yet?
What about Pictionary? A mute draws pictures predicting the end of the world and ordinary people come together… oh wait, that’s Heroes.