National Fist Bump Day

So considering today has evidently been declared “National Fist Bump Day”, I thought it would be appropriate to revisit the official Fist Bumping Rules that Tastybooze laid down for you all last year.

Remember, fist bumping is fun, but you have to know the parameters!

1. If sports are involved, fist bumping is always acceptable.
2. If you are wearing a suit, you may only fist bump if you are drunk. Or if you have just wrapped part of your suit around your forehead.
3. You may not fist bump under any circumstances, in a hospital. Unless Rule #1 (or Rule #2) applies.
4. Do not fist bump someone else’s misfortune, even if it helps you. Just look down, furrow your brow, and nod sternly.
5. No fist bumping between the hours of 7am and 10am. And if you’re watching sports at this time, it’s probably soccer or NASCAR, and then you should really not be fist bumping. High fives will suffice for both.
6. Do not fist bump in a meeting. Even if you are drunk.
7. Do not fist bump your children. Unless you’re drunk, then it’s OK.
8. Girls can fist bump anytime they want. And yes, guys think it’s cute.
9. Do not refuse a fist bump. If you, as a bumpee, believe the bumper is violating a rule, speak to him afterwards. Refusing his bump is not going to help anything.
10. Do not fist bump yourself.

It’s a shame that we were not contacted early on to help get the word out. After all, as a representative of Tastybooze, I was interviewed by the New York Post, and the Boston Globe about the fist bump explosion, and the Obamas’ part in it.

But hey, I’ll give myself a fist bump and move on. Oh wait, that would violate a rule. Can anyone help me out?

Happy bumping everyone!