Many people would say that the 4th of July is the great American holiday becuase it’s the day that we declared our indepdence from the tea-taxing-limeys. While I won’t argue with that, I would say that the 4th of July is the great American holiday because it’s the one day of the year that every dude basically gets a free pass to do whatever the fuck he wants. Eat shitty food? Done. Drink to much beer? Done. Blow shit up? Done. No other holiday is bringing to the table what the 4th of July is bringing to the table.
Cheese IN the hot dogs - All year long the cheese-in-the-dog is frowned upon by society but the 4th of July is the one day men everywhere can enjoy the greatest food advancement since bacon without shame. And the cheese hot dog is really just symbolic of the fact that on the 4th you can eat all the shit that your doctor tells you not to and you can do it in the name of patriotism.
Stars & Stripes Apparel - It’s the only time when you can wear that Stars & Stripes t-shirt/speedo/jean jacket/bandanna/shorts that you secretly love and will come off as bring patriotic and not a total douche.
Drinking - Thankfully this year it falls on the weekend but the 4th of July is generally the one day a year where every guy in America can get fall down drunk on a weekday and not be thought less of for it.
Fireworks (In Two Parts) - A) A lot of cities and townships have anal retentive policies towards blowing shit up on the 4th. That being said it’s still the one day a year where you can blow shit up for 8 straight hours without much concern for your neighbors or the cops. B) Fireworks makes ladies horny, it’s science. I can’t find the study right now but trust me, nothing gets a lady going like explosions.
Medical Advancements - It used to be that if you miss timed the fuse on the cherry bomb you were looking to drop into the toilet and lost a finger you were fucked. However in this day and age they can reattach just about anything as long as you have most of the pieces.
{ 2 trackbacks }
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
The 4th of July cannot come soon enough! BOOM!