I’m not a pilot but I am pretty sure you aren’t supposed to land your plane directly on top of another plane that is trying to take off. I can understand the guy on the ground not seeing the guy behind him but what is the landers excuse? No one was hurt in the accident which makes the only victims here diginity and self respect.

Original Story: Fox News

Finally Friday has arrived. In the links today a penis gives a motivational speech, Audrina Page is looking good in a bikini, a reaction and a video to last night’s episode of the office and Kate Middleton does the flashing thing trying to get out of car.

• If My Boyfriend’s Penis Was A Motivational Speaker (Story)
• Audrina on the Set of Her New Shitty Movie (Pics)
• Rachel Nichols again! (Pics)
• The Office: Holy S&%$!!! (Article)
• You Might Disagree with Tammy Vallejos but I like her (Pics)
• Lunchtime Lust: Kyra Gracie Will Make You Tap (Pics)
• Saban to hold 7 “Mega-Talks” to the Bammeroid Nation (Sports)
• Kate Middleton: The Royal Upskirt Pictures (Pics)
• Hot Or Not 8 Revealed (Pics)
• Welcome to Scranton and I Love You (Video)

[Read more →]

A man dressed in drag (Yep, that’s him below) climbed through the driver thru window of a Burger King and held up the store at gunpoint. Once the gunman collected all the cash he climbed back out the driver thru window and drove away. Cross dressing and climbing through the drive thru? This guy gets bonus points for creativity. The local cops are trying to track the guy down and they have made this brilliant deduction.

Robertson said the thief is probably a genuine cross-dresser because his necklace matched the dress, his nails appeared to be painted and the wig was well made. “Most of the time when somebody puts on a wig they’re just trying to hide their identity by putting on something like a Halloween Mask, but he’s pretty,” Robertson said.

That’s some damn fine detective work, Howard.

Original Story: WDSU.com

In this day and age we are all constantly mulitasking. Sometimes it works to our advantage, other times it rears up and bites us in the ass. This one definitely falls in the ass biting category. I am not exactly sure what Grace Won was thinking/doing when she wrote this headline but she might want to clear the browser history on her machine.

SATA hard dick drive cradle via Gizmodo

It’s been a while since we have had a Tasty Booze caption contest, but when I saw this picture yesterday I knew it was time to bring it back. That lucky little 12 year old bastard is Christian Elliott and he is hugging Jayde Nicole, the 2008 Playboy Playmate of the Year. Jayde returned to her home town of Port Perry, Ontario to sign autographs for fans.

Here’s the gig. You leave your best caption for the above photo and next Friday the Tasty Booze staff will pick one lucky winner who will receive a copy of Mario Kart Wii. The only requirement is that you give us a valid email address so that we can email you when you win and get your shipping address. The contest will be open until next Friday and you only get one shot. If you leave 5 comments only the first one is going to count towards winning Mario Kart.

Original Story: thestar.com — Product Page: Mario Kart Wii

Old and busted: Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son. –Dean Vernon Wormer, Animal House

New hotness: Holtz had told Michael Robert Dickey of Farmington Hills that it would be cheaper, faster and less painful for the people who cared about him if he took his own life.

A Michigan Judge dropped that bit of wisdom on Michael Dickey, 20, who was in court on a third charge involving alcohol the most recent being an MIP. Jesus Holtz, I am all for the tough love/teach them a lesson bullshit, but maybe the kid is just having a run of bad luck.

Original Story: Fox News

College Humor has finally found the hottest college chick in America, KISS gets Rick Roll’d, the Tulsa mascot doesn’t take shit from anybody and PBR gets a shout out.

• We Have A Winner! America’s Hottest College Girl (Pics)
• Sarah Harding’s Hot Outfit (Pics)
• KISS got Rick Roll’d (Video)
• Don’t ‘F’ With The Tulsa Talons Swoop Mascot (Video)
• Janis G Would be a Fun Night Out (Pics)
• Dear Illuminati (Advice)
• Playboy Audition: Brittany Montague (Video)
• EA Sports Screenshots (Video Games)
• Gin Tan Is Cute And Crazy (Pics)
• Three Cheers for Pabst Blue Ribbon (Article)

[Read more →]

Remember two years ago when the video of R. Kelly allegedly having sex with a minor was leaked? Well, they are just now getting around to actually having a trial and trying to find jurors for said trial. Apparently finding jurors for a trial against a celebrity on kiddie porn charges is difficult. Here are some of the better excuses potential jurors have come with with, counting down.

5) I’ll change my vacation plans.
4) I have a teenage daughter.
3) R. Kelly is a musical genius.
2) I would change the age of consent.
1) R. Kelly may have led the Taliban in attacking us on 9-11, but you can’t prove it.

While the first four in the list are general abbreviations of excuses given number 1 on the list is a direct quote given by one of the potential jurors. I have to say that it is a slice of genius. I haven’t been summoned to jury duty yet but I know my days are numbered. I am going to store this excuse in my back pocket until that time comes. “I don’t know if I can be fair about these shoplifiting charges, your honor. This teenager could have been involved in the 9-11 plot.”

Original Story: Chicago Tribune

Julie Landry, 46, was arrested on cruelty to a juvenile charges after it was reported that she made a student unclog a toilet with his hands. Trevor Williams, 7, reportedly used a few to many shit tickets and clogged up the toilet. When Landry found out about it she told Trevor that he had to go unplug the toilet and if he did it again she would make “him pull it out with his teeth.” Landry then forced Trevor to unclog the toilet with his bare hands.

I am sure most people find this story disgusting. Due to a shared life experience known as being fraternity brothers in the WSU greek system Honcho, Yerzimbeck, and I have a slightly different take on this story. Our email exchange is below.

Mitch Martin to Hank Yerzimbeck, Mike Honcho
Sent 5/14/08 1:29 p.m.
Subject: Check out this story

http://www.wxix.com/Global/story.asp?S=8316747

At least the kids classmates didn’t keep using the toilet before he had to clean it out.

Mike Honcho to Hank Yerzimbeck, Mitch Martin
Sent 5/14/08 1:34 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story

Used too much toilet paper? Right. Either it was the greasiest shit ever, or this guy (7 year old) takes monster dumps.

Would have sucked to have to unclog it with his teeth…bobbing for turds?

Hank Yerzimbeck to Mike Honcho, Mitch Martin
Sent 5/14/08 3:18 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story

I don’t see why you’d get fired for something like this. Maybe it’s just that living in a frat really changes your perspective on things like pulling poop out of a toilet and sliding on your stomach butt naked on a floor covered with beer and piss

Mitch Martin to Hank Yerzimbeck, Mike Honcho
Sent 5/14/08 3:23 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story

Yeah it really desensitizes you to the whole “handling human feces” thing.

Of course to be fair the teacher should have at least given him a garbage bag to use as arm protection. That’s just common courtesy.

Hank Yerzimbeck toMitch Martin, Mike Honcho
Sent 5/14/08 3:37 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story

agrizzled

To be fair Lexington also shared this life experience with us but I forgot to include him on the email thread. I know, I’m the asshole.

Do you love drinking 40s, but hate the fact that the end is always warm? You need a 40 cozy, son! A couple of weeks ago we were lucky enough to have a couple of 40 cozies show up at the Tasty Booze test labs. The idea is so simple it’s genius. I have been drinking 40s since before I was legal and the problem has always been that the booze is always warm once you get to the last quarter of the 40. Even if you go the Brass Monkey route you are still going to end up with warm, orange juice flavored malt liquor.

The cozy itself is pretty basic, as it should be. It is made out of your standard neoprene type cozy material with a handle stitched to the side. The bottle slides into the cozy, your hand slides through the handle and then you are ready to get down to business. Let’s be honest, it’s a cozy, not a fucking rubik’s cube.

Last Friday I stopped by the local Safeway and picked up a couple of Bud Heavy 40s so that Honcho and I could give these things a proper run through. I opted for the couture design and Honcho rolled with the bandana model. The cozy fits nice and tight around the 40, and despite the band that runs underneath the bottle, the 40 was stable when you set it down on a table. The handle on the cozy works well and gives you a little extra sense of security when you are holding the big ass bottle. I wouldn’t recommend trying to hold a full 40 by just the handle during normal use, but we tried it. While the handle held, it was pretty hard to keep the 40 under control.

In order to really test the cold retention capabilities of the cozy, Honcho and I decided we needed to slow down our normal drinking pace a little. We fired up the old Rock Band machine and started jamming. I would say it took us about 45 minutes to finish our 40s and both were cool to the last drop. They weren’t refrigerator cold but they were definitely cooler than if we were brown-bagging it.

Bottom line, if you drink 40s on a regular basis do yourself a favor and get a 40 cozy.

Product Page

Jesse Laboiteaux, 18, was trying to sneak into his 15 year old girlfriend’s window for what I can only imagine was a late night rendezvous of some sort. When he made it into the room he found that his girlfriend was not home, but her dad was. As you can imagine, pops wasn’t too keen on an 18 year old crawling into his daughter’s window, and it looks like he expressed those feelings to Jesse by introducing him to his fist. Twice.

Jesse ended up with a couple of black eyes courtesy of pops, along with burglary and assault charges courtesy of the local PD.

First of all, if you are 18 and you are chasing 15 year olds you are begging for trouble. Second, call ahead. Everyone over the age of 11 has a cell phone now. If you are going to try to pull these window shenanigans at least call and make sure the chick is there. What was his plan, wait around until she got home and then surprise her with a chubby?

Original Story: WCPO

Today we have a Cal-State Fulerton chick that wants to get naked, College Humor has the finals in their Hottest College Girl in America contest, FHM and Maxim have finally pulled their heads out of their asses and Gemma Atkinson goes back to the beach in a bikini.

• America’s Hottest College Girl Finals (Pics)
• Emmanuelle Chriqui in GQ (Pics)
• Maxim and FHM are finally getting their shit together (Pics)
• Cal-State Fullerton Chick Wants To Get Naked (Video)
• Wendy Cain Just States the Facts (Pics)
• Fake people into thinking you’re really working from home (Article)
• A Trailer Park All Star’s ride (Pic)
• Gemma Atkinson Is Back At The Beach (Pics)
• Star Wars Freakshows — This Time They Get Beat Up By a Drunk Darth Vader (Story)
• Colbert Has a Papa Bear Meltdown Moment (Video)

[Read more →]

You are a driving instructor that enjoys letting 13 and 15 year old girls kick you in the nut sack until you can’t stand the pain. Do you:

A) Swear the girls to secrecy.
B) Realize your married and ask your wife to do the kicking.
C) Give the girls a license despite their horrible driving skills.
D) Go to the cops and complain that one of the girls is harassing your for sex.

David Aston, 32, decided he would roll with option D. What a dumbass. He gets himself repeatedly kicked in the nuts and then he goes to the cops and ends up busting himself. Did he really think that when the cops went to talk to the girl she was going to conveniently forget about the ball kicking episode?

When the cops searched Aston’s computer they found kiddie porn, there’s a shocker. Kiddie porn and a nut kicking fetish, talk about a double whammy. If wife didn’t already have a divorce lawyer on speed dial I will bet big money that she does now.

Original Story: The Sun

On the left we have Dream Kelly a 23 year old from Hollywood or maybe Scottsdale. Anyway it looks like she is going the standard route of posting pictures of herself on MySpace in hopes that it lands a modeling gig. On the right we have Keeley Hazell a British bird that got famous the old fashion way by “leaking” a sex tape. Since then she has appeared in every major men’s magazine and she has landed a role in the upcoming Baywatch movie.

 Loading …

You have been drinking beer and playing poker with the boys when all of a sudden you get back itch that just won’t quit. Do you:

A) Ask your poker buddy to scratch it.
B) Start rubbing your back on the nearest available fixed object like a bear in heat.
C) Walk into the other room and use your revolver to scratch it.

Jorge Espinal, 44, chose option C.

“He told officers he had an itch on his back and grabbed the first thing he could get a hold of, which was a revolver,” Lt. Dean said. “The gun went off.”

No shit the gun went off. They have this piece called a trigger and when depressed it tends to make them do that. When Espinal when back into the room to tell his poker buddies that he had just busted a cap in his own ass they didn’t believe him until they saw the blood running down his back. How do guys playing poker in the other room not hear a fucking gunshot? Did they think that Espinal just went into the other room to light off a few cherry bombs?

Original Story: WFAA