They’re actually making a movie of Where’s Waldo.

It’s like some big elaborate joke. They started off by announcing a new MacGyver movie. Ok, fine. It sounds retarded, but what the hell. Then it was announced they’re making a movie out of Candyland. Well, I guess as a weird kid’s movie, maybe. Then Battleship: the Movie directed by Peter Berg? Fucking what? Now a goddamn WHERE’S WALDO movie?!

Seriously, I just don’t get it. Have we completely run out of original ideas? The Waldo books are just a bunch of pictures!! Shit!!

Source: aintitcool.com

So considering today has evidently been declared “National Fist Bump Day”, I thought it would be appropriate to revisit the official Fist Bumping Rules that Tastybooze laid down for you all last year.

Remember, fist bumping is fun, but you have to know the parameters!

1. If sports are involved, fist bumping is always acceptable.
2. If you are wearing a suit, you may only fist bump if you are drunk. Or if you have just wrapped part of your suit around your forehead.
3. You may not fist bump under any circumstances, in a hospital. Unless Rule #1 (or Rule #2) applies.
4. Do not fist bump someone else’s misfortune, even if it helps you. Just look down, furrow your brow, and nod sternly.
5. No fist bumping between the hours of 7am and 10am. And if you’re watching sports at this time, it’s probably soccer or NASCAR, and then you should really not be fist bumping. High fives will suffice for both.
6. Do not fist bump in a meeting. Even if you are drunk.
7. Do not fist bump your children. Unless you’re drunk, then it’s OK.
8. Girls can fist bump anytime they want. And yes, guys think it’s cute.
9. Do not refuse a fist bump. If you, as a bumpee, believe the bumper is violating a rule, speak to him afterwards. Refusing his bump is not going to help anything.
10. Do not fist bump yourself.

It’s a shame that we were not contacted early on to help get the word out. After all, as a representative of Tastybooze, I was interviewed by the New York Post, and the Boston Globe about the fist bump explosion, and the Obamas’ part in it.

But hey, I’ll give myself a fist bump and move on. Oh wait, that would violate a rule. Can anyone help me out?

Happy bumping everyone!

It’s been confirmed that there is going to be a new Alien movie, but not in the way we’ve seen them for the last few years. So, not steaming piles of dog shit.

Let’s face it, the original Alien is a true masterpiece. It reinvented like 3 genres of film all at once. No offense to the fun action film that Aliens is, but ever since that, people have been trying (extremely unsuccessfully) to recreate the Alien experience as an action film, when in reality, it should be pure, unadulterated HORROR, as in the first film.

So it’s good news that this new Alien film is going to be a prequel, and will presumably focus on the events leading up to the first film, where the “space jockeys”, the giant alien race whos ship had been taken over by the Aliens in the first film, meet the Aliens we know and get killed by love. Also worth noting is that it’s being produced by Ridley Scott himself, and they’ve chosen a director that does commercials for Scott’s company. I have no doubt that is code for “will do whatever Ridley says,” and that is a good thing.

The trick here is that if they do this story correctly, there really won’t be a single human in it at all, a first for the Alien series. So I imagine they’ll play with the origin story a little bit, to allow some humans in there. They gotta sell tickets, after all, and people don’t really relate as well to gigantic elephant alien men (the picture I’ve included here is from the original film, click here to see concept art of what a live one might look like)

Source: totalfilm

We also considered:

METH
It’s cutting hair now.

CONTEXT
Normally the eyebrows would look ridiculous.

STYLE
The hoodie ruins the ensemble.

Leave some ideas of your own in the comments. Best alternate idea gets a $25 iTunes or Amazon gift card.

I saw Star Trek this weekend, and that was pretty damn good. But this new film, which is kinda flying under the radar, looks like it might actually have the best special effects ever seen on film. And coupled with a really exciting and compelling plotline and a star-studded cast, could this be one of the best sci-fi action films ever? It just might be…

Ever wondered why C-3PO was so polite in all of the Star Wars movies, even though he kept getting dumped on? Well, someone decided to remedy this by giving him a new voice. And they chose, let’s just say…a VERY different persona.

It’s a little long, but there are some GREAT moments. Definitely NSFW language though…

I thought we were done with this moron, but I guess people are still asking him questions. And he’s still answering them. And he’s still a complete moron.

Evidently the latest question posed to this shit cleaner political genius was about gay marriage. Among the rambling idiotic answer he gave was this gem:

“People don’t understand the dictionary–it’s called queer. Queer means strange and unusual [...] I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children.”

Jesus, even people who oppose gay marriage usually aren’t going to grab up their kids and cross the street if they see two gay dudes walking by.

With all this forward thinking and political savvy, you’d have to expect Joe to be running for office soon, right? Well, not so fast. He’s waiting for some divine inspiration, saying, “God hasn’t said, ‘Joe, I want you to run.’”

So God, if you read tastybooze, please accept my humble plea. Tell Joe to go back to cleaning out my toilet, and shut his stupid mouth. Also, I hope you enjoyed my Ying-Yang Twins video.

Source: ac360

Why should we have to put up with this shit anymore? The Dark Knight? Iron Man? You can make a fun action movie and actually make it INTERESTING. Remember Die Hard? Christ almighty this looks like a turd pile. The last shot with the ballet dancing robot heroes makes the baby Jesus cry…

Randy knew the gang’s dress code, but something inside him said, “No…You go ahead and wear that fanny pack. Wear it with pride!” He dreaded the inevitable snapping.  

How good are you at figuring out who committed which crime? Visit picktheperp.com and find out!

Also, isn’t the kid on the right too short to have committed a crime? They should just take his meth, pat him on the head, and take him out for ice cream.

Christ this is ridiculous. The thing that’s hilarious is that he’s not BURNT, he’s TAN. Meaning, this wasn’t just him passing out drunk by his trailer once, this is a DAILY backwards hat in perfect placement. On like day two, why didn’t he notice the retarded tanline and make some life adjustments?

see more pwn and owned pictures

I am officially excited for this movie…

I sure as hell do. Sure, you can delete them one by one, but they just keep making new ones! They don’t stop!

Fortunately, I’ve devised a funny way to get back at all of those yahoos that made you read what color M&M best represents them…

Click here to try it!