We’ve all done the fist bump. Maybe your team just scored, maybe you just bowled a strike, maybe you just won a rap battle. These are all acceptable times to bump fists with a friend. The picture on the right, however, illustrates a time where it is definitely NOT okay to bump fists.
In case you’re wondering, these guys were celebrating the completion of a deal that brought a 42-mile rail corridor into public ownership.
Yeah, I know. That’s fucking boring. Look, if the fist bump is brought into areas where it clearly does not belong, where does it end? Will Obama get a fist bump from Bill Clinton right after he’s sworn in? Will we, someday soon, see a surgeon give a tearful wife a bump after successfully removing her husband’s brain tumor? Are you gonna fist bump your buddy after he sucks the rattlesnake venom out of your inner thigh?
So in an effort to help you out, we here at TastyBooze have devised a simple set of rules to aid you in appropriate fist bumping.
1. If sports are involved, fist bumping is always acceptable.
2. If you are wearing a suit, you may only fist bump if you are drunk. Or if you have just wrapped part of your suit around your forehead.
3. You may not fist bump under any circumstances, in a hospital. Unless Rule #1 (or Rule #2) applies.
4. Do not fist bump someone else’s misfortune, even if it helps you. Just look down, furrow your brow, and nod sternly.
5. No fist bumping between the hours of 7am and 10am. And if you’re watching sports at this time, it’s probably soccer or NASCAR, and then you should really not be fist bumping. High fives will suffice for both.
6. Do not fist bump in a meeting. Even if you are drunk.
7. Do not fist bump your children. Unless you’re drunk, then it’s OK.
8. Girls can fist bump anytime they want. And yes, guys think it’s cute.
9. Do not refuse a fist bump. If you, as a bumpee, believe the bumper is violating a rule, speak to him afterwards. Refusing his bump is not going to help anything.
10. Do not fist bump yourself.
Happy fist bumping, kids! And if any of you have any photographic examples of bad fist bumps, send them to us, and we will make it known!
For all you fans out there of Anchorman (and let’s be honest, you are definitely our target demographic), we have some good news. Looks like Will Ferrell, Adam McKay (the director), and everybody else, have signed on for a sequel! The bad news? You’re gonna have to wait a while. Maybe even 2 years. But everyone is definitely in.
Oh well, small price to pay for a new Anchorman, right? I leave you with my favorite sequence from the original movie.
Recently we posted a tattoo that was dubbed the Ultimate Chick Repeller. Well, as the most tattooed TastyBoozer, I felt compelled to bring you yet another example of a tattoo that, while not as bad as the first, is simply not going to help with the ladies.
I guess the reasoning here is that this tat would make the ladies go, “Boy, I really want this guy to go for me, I better work hard not to be a bitch so he’ll trust me!” Well played, jackass.
Two German air force sergeants were suspended recently for doing some business on the side of their military careers. And what was this unacceptable business venture? Nothing more than selling sausages based on an old family recipe. What’s the problem there, right? Oh yeah, the recipe required human blood.
Seems that they started off using their own blood, but they were so damn successful, eventually they couldn’t keep up. So they started asking their friends and colleagues for a few pints, and it was all downhill from there. Nice move, boys.
I’m reminded of a great scene from Groundhog Day:
Rita: I think it’s a nice story. He comes out, and he looks around. He wrinkles up his little nose. He sees his shadow or he doesn’t see it. It’s nice. People like it.
Phil: You are new, aren’t you? People like blood sausage too. People are morons.
Bruce Springsteen wrote a letter to his fans today, endorsing Barack Obama.
The letter is pretty impressive, and whomever you are considering casting your vote for, you gotta respect the mad writing skills that Bruce is bringing to the table. Speechwriting job, anyone?
I love the site aintitcool.com. I have written a few movie reviews for them from time to time, and it’s a daily read for me. They have a resident video game reviewer, Monki, who managed to get an invite to Rockstar games headquarters and play Grand Theft Auto 4 for a few hours. If you are excited about this game, you have to read his review.
This thing comes out on April 29th, and it is going to be HUGE. The official website is here.
Also, fans of scooters might be miffed to hear this interesting aspect of the multiplayer mode:
[…] when you respawn, you spawn with a Faggio. The Vespa-like scooter. It is embarrassing.
Not cool. Everyone knows scooters are awesome. Right?
Being a bleeding-heart liberal in this day and age, I am supposed to hate America and love Hugo Chavez, right? Well, too bad kids. This just put him on my shit list for good.
Turns out this dipshit just ordered that The Simpsons be taken off the air in Venezuela. Seems that it’s not family friendly, and its time slot of 11am is just not appropriate. So what family friendly, kid appropriate show has been tapped (so to speak) to take its place?
Motherfuckin’ Baywatch.
You have to be kidding me. Baywatch? Why not just put porn and Japanese horror movies on there? That is fucking ridiculous.
Read more here, but don’t expect a logical explanation, one is nowhere to be found.
Yes, you read that correctly. Seems that a guy in New Zealand decided to toss a hedgehog at someone in a fight. Seriously, you couldn’t find a rock or something? At least throw one of the bazillion sheep they got down there. That could do some damage at least.
A police department spokesperson said, “People often get charged with assault for throwing things at other people,” though the weapon was admittedly a little uncommon. That’s like arresting OJ and saying, “Hey, people commit murder all the time, although a world class athlete/famous actor doing it is a little uncommon.”
The guy now faces up to 5 years in prison and up to 2 weeks of late night punchlines.
This hilarious blog is called The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotations and it consists of reader-sent-in pics of signs containing (you guessed it) unnecessary quotation marks. They’re not all necessarily grammatically incorrect, though almost all are, but they are all ridiculous, and many change the intended meaning of the sign with great results. When people think the quotation marks add emphasis, when really they do the opposite, hilarity ensues.
The examples below are some good ones, but there are hundreds more. Seriously, check it out.
6 inches? No wait, they’re talking about time, aren’t they?
It turns out that the average length of time for sex is 7.3 minutes. That doesn’t include foreplay, or buying drinks, just the actual intercourse. Among other findings mentioned in the following article, which cites various surveys of sex therapists and laypeople (get it?), is the notion that lengthy sexual episodes may not actually be better. In other words, the goal should not simply be to last longer in order to be “better” in the sack. In fact, the “optimal” amount of time for intercourse was found to be between 3 and 13 minutes.
Eric Corty, an associate professor of psychology at Penn St., says,
“People who read this will say, ‘I last five minutes or my partner lasts eight minutes,’ and say, ‘That’s OK,’ ” he said. “They will relax a little bit.”
I think the problem would be if you last 5 minutes AND your partner lasts 8 minutes. That means they’re shaking their own etch-a-sketch for the last 3 minutes.
Typography + film audio = awesome. Mr Diggles collected his favorites here and they’re worth seeing.
Perhaps all we need is audio and the text, with some genius typographer leading us along. The same way John Williams knew what the shark was doing…Maybe image is dead. Bad news for filmmakers like me, but hey, I accept the inevitable future. Either way, it’s fun as hell.
By the bye, Mr. Diggles is an old friend of mine, and one that may not remember that we were ever friends. But he’s smart and internet savvy enough to figure it out. So add him to your daily reads and thank me later. Really…it’s good stuff.
Everyone needs a movie of, well, virtually everything they do, right? These two people are marketing geniuses, and have realized the vast, untapped (read: completely tapped) market of “video movie”-making.
I defy you not to fall under the spell of their sales pitch!
I was not a fan of the original cartoon series…well, to be honest I was not allowed to watch it actually. My parents were a little hippy-ish. The only GI Joe action figure I was allowed to have was the medic guy.
But anyway, it seems that Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, Van Helsing) is making a live action version of GI Joe. More details on the film are here.
More importantly, the red band (read: NSFW) trailer has been leaked and is up on youtube already. I have to say, it looks pretty damn good. Give it a whirl and see what you think. You can find it here.
UPDATE by Mitch Martin: I saw this picture of Snake Eyes from the upcoming movie a few days ago so I thought I would tack it on. That is one bad looking dude. Hope you don’t mind Wonka. Admin privileges, son.
If you’re a full blown alcoholic, this would be a GREAT job to have. Just have kids drive you around everywhere doing your errands. The only problem would be if you stopped into a grocery store reeking of booze, and they called the cops on you.
Evidently this moron was swigging cough syrup while helping his students learn how to drive. His BAC was almost 3 times the legal limit. That’s not just a couple beers. That’s…well…chugging cough syrup. Since he had a brake on his side, and was helping steer, he was considered partially in control of the vehicle, and was charged with a DUI.
We’ve all done the fist bump. Maybe your team just scored, maybe you just bowled a strike, maybe you just won a rap battle. These are all acceptable times to bump fists with a friend. The picture on the right, however, illustrates a time where it is definitely NOT okay to bump fists.
