I’m not really sure what Delta’s slogan is, but this will have to do. The air carrier announced a while ago that they would be bringing free Wi-Fi internet access to a handful of flights. Of course, if people’s use of their computer is anything like mine, 87% of computer use on flights would be for porn-related activity. At first there was some concern about porn usage on a flight…can you imagine sitting next to someone while they sift through porn sites attempting to join the solo mile high club (thanks to Gizmodo for that line). Now Delta says they will block access to porn sites, so flight attendants don’t have to police the passengers.
Three things, first, why do they sell porn mags at airports then? Do people really think it’s okay to whip out your dickPenthouse magazine to “read the articles”? I’ve heard horror stories from friends who have sat next to people on planes and flipped through pictorials in adult magazines. Awkward!
Lastly, why would you need porn. Are any of you among the 1 million who have watched Delta’s new safety video on YouTube? Watch this for the first 30 seconds and you’ll see why so many people have wasted four-and-a-half minutes of their life “watching” this video.
Some of the lovely Sarah Palin’s highlights include:
- Knowing a lot about foriegn policy because she lives so close to Russia
- Being the Mayor of a town of 6,300 six short years ago
- Proud student of North Idaho College and the University of Idaho
- 2nd runner-up in the 1984 Miss Alaska beauty pageant
- Supports the “Barbarians For Palin”
- Believes that God’s will and prayer will lead to the development of a natural gas pipeline
But the real gem she brings to the presidential race is her children. Yes, her 17 year-old daughter is pregnant, but that is just a bonus. Her kids simply have awesome names. All 5 of them. They are Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow, and Piper. Maybe they are like those opposite names like Biggie Smalls. Track is probably actually fat and slow and Trig is really bad at math. And thank god for Willow that the movie about the crazy dwarf was long enough ago that most people have forgotten it. Anyway, if you want to know what your name would be if birthed by Palin, check it out here.
After John McCain called out Paris Hilton in a recent ad targeting Barack Obama, the socialite felt it was appropriate to respond. Luckily she chose to partner with Funny Or Die to make this video, so you know it’s going to be good. Although Hilton’s ability to act still sucks, this is her best comedic performance since her sex tape.
I had no idea but apparently some dude from America’s Hat (Canada) holds the world record for getting kicked in the nuts by a female. Apparently that didn’t sit well with Scottie K, a true patriot, and he decided to take it upon himself to bring the record back home to the great U.S. of A where is belongs. The first few ladies are a little shy but then Scottie finds a whole gaggle of ladies that are more than happy to give his ball sack a good kick.
Believe it or not I have been in the workforce for several years now. And one thing remains constant. People half-ass it on Friday’s no matter what they do or where they work. Hence me currently writing this post and not working. Why are we continuing this facade? Why not work our asses off for half the day on Friday and then just leave? I guarantee the majority of people would get as much, if not more, done with that system.
There is one problem of course. If we only had a half-day on Friday’s, we would probably half-ass it for the second half of Thursday. Or we would go out Thursday night and be worthless on Friday because we know we only have to “get through a half-day” hungover. So I guess I don’t have a solution. But I do know it takes more energy to “fake” work for a day than it does to actually work. Whether it’s always having to be ready to do a quick alt-tab when the boss walks by or having to control my laughter when watching a video of a guy trying to walk with his sandals glued to the floor, fake working takes a lot of effort. But, continue it I will….
We have referenced this before and before that. I cannot describe how awesome these shorts are. So please bow to the funny that is Drunk History, Volume 3.
Apparently LenDale White hates Tecmo Bowl. Now that is about the most bullshit I’ve heard in a long time. He says, “I didn’t play in the ’50s, the Tecmo Bowl days,’’ which is a crock of shit.
If I was playing Ice Climbers in 1985, and I was 4 years-old, then I imagine even if he didn’t get a chance to play Tecmo Bowl, LenDale White (future NFL running back) at least played someTecmo Super Bowl back in the early 90s. I mean, he was 7 years-old when it came out, and at least one of his friends had to have a Nintendo, right?
I realize when he said it he was probably just giving his new running backs coach, Earnest Byner, a little shit, but Tecmo Bowl trash talking isn’t something to be thrown around lightly. Just ask the guy who learned 46 Life Lessons from Tecmo Super Bowl. A few favorites include:
5. Greed is good. Feel free to run Christian Okoye until the Nigerian government criticizes you for your wanton lack of consideration for his health.
14. In the eyes of the Tecmo Super Bowl gods there is no race, creed or ethnicity; except for Bo Jackson, who is a really fast black guy.
24. Never substitute. God chooses starting lineups for a reason.
I recently got back from a trip back east with my dad and we had the chance to walk around old Boston for a day. We did the patriotic thing and walked the Freedom Trail, visiting several prominent historic sites in the birth place of the Revolution. Notable stops on the trail include Faneuil Hall, Paul Revere’s house, the Old North Church (one if by land, two if by sea), the USS Constitution, and the Bunker Hill Monument. It was amazing, and if you ever get the chance, I suggest you take the walk. You’ll gain a great appreciation for the patriots to whom we owe our independence.
Feeling the need to refresh my patriotism on Independence Day, I just finished watching episode 2 of John Adams on HBO, entitled “Independence.” If you haven’t yet watched the series, today would be a great day to start. Personally, I haven’t seen all 7 episodes, but 1 and 2 are fantastic.
It’s amazing to me to see how our country was founded; men wearing wigs sitting around in what’s now called Independence Hall in Philadelphia, rabble-rousing and banging walking sticks on the floor, with several hear hear’s thrown about.
One of my favorite things paraded around in John Adams are the “Don’t Tread on Me” and “Join, or Die” flags. “Don’t Tread on Me” (also known as the Gadsden Flag) strikes a special note for me as it’s one of Charlie’s prominent sayings in “Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody’s Asses” from the great show, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which, by the way, starts up again with Season 4 on September 18th.
It’s been 212 short years since a bunch of guys with big brass balls told the King of England to fuck off and founded America.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
It’s not very often the 4th falls on a day that allows you to drink copious amounts of booze without worrying about having to show up to work the next day. So do the founding fathers proud by drinking too much, lighting off illegal fireworks and just generally going America all over everyone’s asses. Rock, Flag and Eagle!
I’m not really sure what Delta’s slogan is, but this will have to do. The air carrier announced a while ago that they would be bringing free Wi-Fi internet access to a handful of flights. Of course, if people’s use of their computer is anything like mine, 87% of computer use on flights would be for porn-related activity. At first there was some concern about porn usage on a flight…can you imagine sitting next to someone while they sift through porn sites attempting to join the solo mile high club (thanks to Gizmodo for that line). Now Delta says they will block access to porn sites, so flight attendants don’t have to police the passengers.
