First we saw parents just throwing their kids in the pool, so they would learn how to swim. Now this Dad is just going to push his kid down a poorly made ramp, to learn how to drive. Yeah, great idea. Is this what people use instead of hills? Two shitty pieces of wood leaning up against a deck. This kid has a long life of heartache ahead of him.

“Keeping a cell phone on talk mode in a pocket can decrease sperm quality, according to new research from the Cleveland Clinic.”

Holy crap, really?  I have heard rumors about this for years now, but once it hits the front page of CNN, that’s when I consider it real.  So you are telling me that my last decade of cell phone use is the reason I have not slipped one past the goalie???  Hmmm, I guess that’s not all bad.  But as a man I still want my boys to be able to perform in the clutch.

On top of that, my mom has been telling me for years I need to get a Bluetooth thingy because holding the cell phone to my head is going to give me brain cancer.  So now I look like a total douche with that huge silver thing in my ear AND my boys are failures.  Awesome.  Just Awesome.

Full Article: CNN

Alright, someone in a law enforcement agency better have started an investigation on this. First off, that kid looks pretty young to be tossed into a pool he can’t stand up in. That’s why they have kiddie pools. Second, why is the mom so anxious to know if the dad caught that on film? That’s going to be a pretty key piece in the prosecution’s case in a few months.

You try to give your child one of the following names:

A) Fish and Chips
B) Yeah Detroit
C) Keenan Got Lucy
D) Sex Fruit
E) Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii

Actually all of the above names were submitted by parents in New Zealand to the office of the registrar general of Births, Deaths and Marriages, and all of them except one was rejected. Got any guesses as to which name a little girl has been living with the for last nine years? If you guessed Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii then you are the big winner. A judge in New Zealand recently made Talula a ward of the court so that the court could legally change her name. Apparently the girl was so embarrassed (can’t blame her there) that not even her closest friends knew her real name.

Not a single one of the kids whose parents tried to give them one of the above names has a shot. Sex Fruit!? What the fuck do you have to be smoking to think that is a good name for a kid. Can’t we come up with some kind of aptitude test?

Original Story: Yahoo News

All you wanted to do was go to Hooters, kick back, enjoy some wings with the guys and check out the eye candy - then you get stuck with this waitress. Awkward. Hooters wasn’t messing around when they said they were a family restaurant huh? Remember, tip her well, she’s working for two now.

This picture was found on DListed, as part of their caption contest. The winning caption:

“Uh Lori, one of your implants slipped again.”

Last week the Supreme Court struck down a 30-year old ban on handguns in our nation’s capitol. You can argue that on top of violating the 2nd amendment this law was ineffective anyway, as the murder rate continued to increase rapidly over DC’s last 30 years. You can also argue that this ruling is going to hamstring individual state’s rights to act on this issue on behalf of its citizenry. One thing you cannot argue though, is that we need to see more of this soon!

We’re not talking about the length of the sex tape, but the length of the man in the sex tape. Actually, I’m not able to substantiate that claim at all, since I’m not really into little-people-porn, but we’ll just go with it.

Verne Troyer, better known as “Mini Me” from the Austin Powers movies and also has a small roll in the new Mike Myers movie The Love Guru, has joined the celebrity sex tape circuit. TMZ has a short clip of said sex tape, which only shows Troyer making out with his “girlfriend.” If you are looking to throw up, this is definitely the video for you!

Word on the street is that SugarDVD has offered up $100,000 for the sex tape, but no deal has been struck.

Original story: DListed and TMZ Video (view at your own risk)

In honor of all the mother’s out there (and hopefully they don’t know this site exists), let’s give a shout to 41-year-old Michelle Duggar who is expecting her 18th child in a few months.  Yes, 18th.  The woman has been pregnant for 11 years of her life, with children ranging from 9 months to 20 years.  Holy shit.  Either 1) her husband has super sperm, 2) they really really love sex or 3) there are a lot of milkmen in the area.  After 11 years of pregnancy I just want to know what is holding those chitlens up there.   Actually, scratch that, I do not want to know.

That all being said, the best parts of the story are:

- Please take a guess at the husbands name.  Please.  Think Arkansas, religious, toothless maybe.  Ok, now, what percent of you guessed Jim Bob?  50%?  75% maybe?  Love it.

- And it’s just like good old Jim Bob to pass his name legacy along.  That’s right, all his kids names start with ‘J’.  Some classics include Josiah, Joy-Anna, and Jedidiah.  But the best is of course Jinger.  You may think that’s a Spice Girl, but throw a ‘J’ in there and it’s a whole new name son…

Source: Houston Chronicle

The price certain publications will pay for exclusive photo rights to celebrities’ babies has skyrocketed in recent years. In March, J-Lo and Marc Anthony reportedly raked in $6 million from People magazine for the first pics of their twins. Brad and Angelina already have pulled in over $7 million for their children, and now are expected to haul $10 million for their upcoming twin set.

If I got paid $6-10 million every time my lady and I had a baby, I would have more kids than a god damn polygamist. That’s all I’m sayin’.