Beauty Pageant Winner Rule #8 - Always, always remove the tiara before flipping off the camera, making oral sex gestures and playing beer pong.
Maybe the tiara is throwing off her game because it looks to me like Elyse Umemoto, 23, is getting her ass kicked. You would think that in this day and age with MySpace and Facebook a 23 year old would realize that anytime you take a naked/jackass picture it will end up on the internet. However it looks like this Miss Washington 2007 and Miss America runner-up is going to learn her lesson the hard way.
Every thing is more fun on Nintendo’s Wii… bowling, playing in a band or just rockin’ out by yourself, tennis, working out, watching your girlfriend workout… and now JV Games is trying to add Beer Pong to that list. The developer created a WiiWare game based on the drinking game that has the Connecticut Attorney General up in arms (probably because he sucks at beer pong).
Alcohol reference in a video game warrants a “Teen” rating, but the company has since removed the beer element and just called the game, “Pong Toss.” Probably a good idea, because we all know how hard it is to get drunk off of virtual beer…not to mention the hangover that comes with it the next morning!
The ESRB game rating board spokesperson suggests the attorney general mind his own business:
“Our concern is that a greater number of consumers (including the age group about which you are most concerned) will be made aware of this game and resolve to play it as a result of publicized statements of advocacy groups and others. Ironically, this is likely to result in more rather than less consumers being drawn to this game, particularly those very minors all of us seek to protect.”
Whoops… I guess we aren’t helping either. It’s just as well that kids start practicing their beer pong skills at an early age, they’ll be that much better off in college. Or after college. Or on the 4th of July, like when I dominated everyone at Diggles’ party with my pong skills. No big deal.
The thought of slam dunking during a beer pong game has probably crossed the minds of many who have played. In fact, yesterday Diggles and I were representing on the beer pong table during a BBQ pre-funk, and it crossed my mind after a few too many frustrating throws were effected by the wind. The video below features an old man going for the slam dunk. It looks like this is at a frat house and why he has his shirt off…I have no idea.
Apparently the fancy ass beer pong table built by the West Virginia University engi-nerds really struck a nerve with Lexington Steele. He tried to hide this rant in the comments of the post but it is the most he has written on the site in months so I had to give it a post of it’s own.
I gotta give some props to these nerds for putting together what appears to be a pretty sweet table. But, let me rain on their parade. These nerds obviously built this thing with the hopes of getting some college pussy. Hence the “Apple Bottom Jeans” song playing. But I failed to see any college sluts playing pong on this. Wait, I didn’t see any fucking pong being played at all. And how the hell are you supposed to play pong in the dark? Did you put LED’s in the friggin cups? No, you didn’t. And since the lights were out, its obvious that you can’t see the LED’s without the lights out. Maybe your professor should have taught you to test your instruments before installing 600 fucking LED’s. So this basically is a pong table built of 2×4’s and plywood with a kick ass paint job, a CD player with sub-grade speakers, and some decent looking ball washers. I bet Mad Mardigan could’ve thrown this son-of-a-bitch together in one weekend. Next time, get a materials engineer on your team, build a collapsible table with some new composite material that will give you a less deviated bounce and will be light weight for transport. That way you can carry the table to where the bitches will be. Its obvious they’re not hanging out in your laboratory. And agreed on the beer. Pong is meant to be played with $14/case domestic beer. Do yourself a favor and actually go buy a case of beer someday. Drinking the stuff is pretty fun and may get you laid.
I agree with Lexington. Everyone knows that T-Pain doesn’t get the job done with the ladies anymore. If you are looking to make panties drop you have to roll with the Kanye.
Feast your eyes on what has got to be one of the most elaborate beer pong tables every constructed. It has 600 LEDs that flash to the beat of the music and automatic ball washers for fucks sake.
I will bet anyone $20 that somebody dipped their ball sack into one of those swirling ball washers. How else are you going to test if the current is strong enough to actually clean the ping pong balls?
Jump to the 2:30 mark to skip the builders montage and get right to the action.
If you enjoy a good game of beer pong, but find that hauling around a regulation size ping pong table is a pain in the ass, then you need take a whiff of what Pong A Long is cooking. Their portable 8′ long by 2′ wide (regulation size) beer pong table is the cat’s ass.
We Tasty Boozers were fortunate enough to have one of these bad boys delivered to our humble abode last Wednesday. Lucky for us we were headed up to the mountains for a weekend of winter sports and beer drinking along with 25 of our closest friends. This gave us the perfect opportunity to put the table through the paces and see how it functioned in a packed, party cabin environment.
One thing you have to realize is that the Pong A Long table folds up into a 2′ by 2′ square that is about 5.5″ thick with briefcase type handles. This makes it a breeze to transport. It fit in the backseat of my lady friend’s car, and was easy to carry from place to place. Not many people knew that the table was going to be making an appearance at the party cabin and when I showed up everyone wanted to know what the big white box was. They were stoked to find out it was a beer pong table. The best part was that everyone assumed we needed a table to set it on. A few of our crafty friends started to debate whether we should set it on the kitchen table or the pool table. I left them to their pointless shenanigans and began to unfold the beast. When I started to extend the legs of the table there were at least five, “Oh…Holy shit is has legs!” I promptly responded with “Of course it has fuckin’ legs. What kind of bush league beer pong table did you think I showed up with?”
The table worked great but let’s be honest, when you have 25 people looking to get drunk, two on two beer pong isn’t the best/quickest way to accomplish the task. So after a couple of standard beer pong games we decided to appease the restless crowd and start a flip cup tournament. The length and width of the table allowed two four-man flip cup teams to square off face to face with room to spare lengthwise and the perfect amount of shit talking space separating them.
So, the Pong A Long table really gives you at a minimum a double threat beer drinking accessory, not to mention it will save your regular ping pong table from the abuse of a beer pong/Beirut/flip cup game. Check out the product page to see more pictures and the other tables that Pong A Long offers.
Apparently the World Series of Beer Pong is happening this week in Las Vegas, and I ask you where is the invite for TastyBooze? We’ve put together some pretty awesome beer pong tournaments and have perfected the art of throwing a small white ping pong ball into a plastic keg cup filled with cheap beer. This is bullshit!
It’s a week long event and the winner is going to take home $50,000! That is a lot of cheap beer!
Can someone get on the research here and get us in the running for next year? Can we get TastyBooze readers to sponsor us? I think this is a perfect example for why we need a TastyBooze intern, no way this would have slipped through the cracks.
Here’s one more thing to add to your Christmas Wish List: Custom Beer Pong balls. Nothing says you are serious about beer pong, than showing up with your own custom balls and now our friends over at Adam’s Balls can make your dream a reality.
The whole process seems pretty simple… essentially all you need to do is upload your image (maybe the TastyBooze logo for example) and the rest is pretty straight forward. Balls start at about $56 for a set of 25… but the higher the quantity, the lower the per ball price drops. Just another good reason to buy in bulk. Also, just think of all the possibilities of drunken raging that happens around beer pong… I know I’ve crushed my fair share of ping pong balls. It kind of goes along with my motto, “You can never have too many ping pong balls.”
Maybe this is what we need to get our TastyBooze beer pong tournaments back up and running after the fall hiatus? I know once the football season is over, we’ll need a new excuse to drink… oh wait… no we won’t.
Son of a bitch! How did I not know about this!? We have been holding an every other week beer pong league here in Seattle for the last few months. This thing is sweet and it is only $24.99 on Amazon. I am thinking we need to get one and give it to the champion after each tournament. Of course once you start rocking this thing on your spare tire you can pretty much guarantee that any cop who sees it is going to pull you over just to check. But I guess that is just the price a champion has to pay. Nobody said being on top would be easy.
This little slice of blue inflatable plastic is only $40 and I know it would provide me with hours of entertainment. Who wouldn’t want to play a kick ass game of beer pong while standing in a pool.
When we say be able to play beer pong any where -we’re not kidding. Imagine playing beer pong in the pool, the lake, or the ocean. Just inflate on anything - anywhere on anything. What creative ideas can you think of for PORTOPONG!
Well you might think that I would be out of things to say about beer pong tournaments at this point given the recent lengthy discussions on the topic (see Beta Test and Part Duex) - but my friend, you would be mistaken. A new wrinkle entered our lives last night…something no one expected…something I am still not certain wasn’t just an amazing dream…something I like to call the Village Pub. This little gem of a bar in the heart of Magnolia’s bustling downtown offered to host your favorite beer pongers last night - taking us out of our lowly backyard in Ravenna and away from screaming neighbors.
THE FEAR…When we got wind of the venue change for last nights tournament the general consensus of the group was: ‘Magnolia? Where’s that? Isn’t it an exclusive enclave of Patagonia fleeces and Volvo’s north of the city?’. And after referring to Google Maps our fears were confirmed….it is far far away and somehow unconnected to any major arterial linking itself to Seattle. Those Patagonian’s had successfully set up a haven for themselves that us standard Northface wearing Honda drivers had never dared to enter. Through all of my years growing up in this fair city, I do not think I entered the Magnolia neighborhood one time before I was 24 years old. I had long viewed the ominous Magnolia hillside from the QFC across the bridge on Dravus Ave, but never dared to enter without a team full of softball players and our trusty metal bats.
THE CONFUSION…We entered Magnolia with a full car of males - Toe at the wheel of his Volkswagen GTI. We were well aware it wasn’t a Volvo and that we might be turned away at any point, but it was nonetheless a European car sharing its first three letters with the vaunted Swedish machine. And apparently that was enough to appease anyone watching, as we made our way up the hill successfully (side note: holy sh%t that street has got to be the steepest in Seattle). However, one thing we were not warned about was that street numbers, addresses, and the standard street grid pattern of any normal city no longer applies in Magnolia - surely planned to keep intruders out. Even the Google Maps directions feature on my Blackberry gave a “page not responding” answer to our query for help. Nonetheless, we marched along through a maze of hills, empty playfields, windy roads, and attractive moms pushing strollers to reach our destination.
THE REDEMPTION…upon entering the bar our fears were quickly cast aside and the realities of what could be the greatest beer pong tournament ever quickly came to light. Two side by side pool tables covered with plywood, plastic cups, game timers, 9 flat screen TV’s, all devoted to our beer pong section of the bar pleased the crowd. We were thrilled…completely satisfied with our upgrade in locale. But then something even more magical happened. The bartender in the anti-Cougars T-shirt pulled out 2 OFFICIAL beer pong tables to lay on top of the plywood. These things were no joke, with yardage markers, sports decals and the like covering the inch-think boards. I had heard of such things, but never expected to be given the opportunity to use one in person. The trajectory that a 2-cup bounce shot made off those tables was undeniable, as if the table somehow affixed a beer magnet to the ball on the bounce, sending it directly into the cup. Although scary at first, the neighborhood of Magnolia was redeemed by the Village Pub and what it offered the everyday beer ponger. Hats off.
And at some point I should note, although begrudgingly, that my teams lifetime run as Seattle beer pong tournament champions was ended last night. Sharpshooters Matt and Jessi made quick work of most contenders thrown their way - they could not even be distracted by the crowd of roaring 10 year olds. Obviously, Toe and I will be hitting the gym this week to work through our forearm and elbow conditioning programs, in order to retake the crown next time.
Week two of the weekly Seattle Beer Pong Tournament was another instant classic. You can read here (Week 1 - Beta Test) about the standard procedures and happenings at these tournaments, so I won’t bore you with the same old details. We can sum it up as: lite beer - check, random girls - check, tournament turned party - check, yelled at by a neighbor - check.
The real highlight, however, has become the budding rivalry between Team Diggles (Me & Toe) and Team Mitch. These two teams have met in the finals at every single Seattle Beer Pong Tournament in recent memory, and it has always produced an air of competitiveness in line with Lexington Steele and Foosball. In week 1 of the Tourney Team Diggles fell into the losers bracket early, only to win 6 straight to meet Team Mitch in the finals. The finals would prove a test, however, as Toe and Myself were giving up home court and had to win 2 in a row over the undefeated Mitch’s. Fortunately, thanks to Toe and his “He’s on Fire!”, Team Diggles was victorious and crowned the 1st champion in the history of the Tournament.
Team Mitch, clearly embarrassed, continued to taunt their defeaters throughout the following week. And I don’t blame them. The Mitch’s are basically professional beer drinkers, while Toe and I tend to be partial to the mixed drink and occasional red bull. The Mitch’s are known in the Northwest for their acumen in caps, flip cup, quarters, and of course, they are veterans of the German Boot. They, along with most of the competition, assumed that their skills would easily transition into beer pong. And I’ll admit, through the week we began to second guess ourselves and our skills over at Team Diggles HQ. Was our victory a mistake? An accident? LUCK…
With 10 teams and a new bracketologist, Week 2 was lining up to be less exciting, with Team Diggles set to meet the Mitch’s in the 2nd round. It was early in the night still and the excitement was still lacking. Toe and Myself sent the Mitch’s packing to the loser’s bracket early, but only because Mitch himself hadn’t yet hit his stride…3 hour pass…And lo and behold, Team Mitch had worked their way through the loser’s bracket to find themselves in the finals again. Team Diggles had a much easier route and hadn’t played for upwards of 30 minutes. The pressure was building and I was feeling the rust when Toe turned to me in a brilliant moment of clarity and exclaimed “now is our chance to make these guys the ‘Douchebag’s of the Week’!!!”.
It was dead even ealry. 1 Cup, 1 Cup. 2 Miss, 2 Miss. 1 Cup, 2 Miss. 2 Miss, 1 Cup. 1 Cup, 1 Cup. 2 Miss, 1 Cup. And then, as if out of nowhere I heard a deafening screech….”HE’S ON FIRE!”, Mitch screamed out. I quickly turned to Toe in horror, “What?? Did he say ‘he’s heating up’ last round?”. “I don’t know, I don’t remember, I don’t know.” An onlooker soon verified that he had and forced us to return the little white balls back to Mitch for his extra attempts. It was now 3-2 in favor of the Mitch’s and like NBA Jam, they handed the ball to their Tim Hardaway and sent him well beyond the figurative 3-point line. All was surely lost.
However, also at that very moment, and no doubt in response to Mitch’s ridiculously loud screaming, a friendly neighbor stopped by right outside the fence, and in what I would call a hypocritically loud voice of his own, ended our fun. We were to remain quiet for the rest of the Tourney “or else”, it was threatened. After a few minutes of laughing and belittling the neighbor for saying “or else” to a bunch of 26 year olds at 11pm, we did just that and were quiet. And then a magical thing happened, the eerie silence seemed to break Mitch’s will, turning him quickly from “Hardaway for 3″ to “and Shaq comes to the free throw line”. Needless to say, he missed, and Toe and myself quickly dismantled the rest of their cups and victory was ours, ensuring the 1st time was no accident. 4-0 SONS
Last night we made dreams a reality, sending a bunch of alpha males in their late 20’s back to a world of no responsibility, no rules and no noise restrictions…..college. The following signs of colleges rebirth occurred without fail as if to say we had awoken from a 5-year nightmare of employment and adulthood:
- A legitimate party/drinking-fest was thrown on none other but a weeknight
- The only available drinks in the whole place had the word “light/lite” written on them, save one exception. Thats right, our favorite blue ribbon winner PBR
- An unknown neighbor stopped by during the heart of the party asking to speak with “whoever owned the house”
- 21 year old college girls with questionable motives and morals stopped by circa 11pm because “they heard a party going on”
- The combination of the original sausage fest + said college girls led to everyone’s favorite testosterone-driven competitiveness
- And finally, and of course most importantly, we held a beer pong tournament
Simple format: 8 teams of 2, bracket style tourney, losers bracket, double elimination, etc, etc. The goal of the beta test tourney was to jumpstart an actual beer pong league - which it looks like will be the case. Thanks to wikipedia and our creativity, some of the best rules were as follows:
- NBA Jam: If a contender makes two cups in a row they must declare “he’s heating up”. Three in a row, “he’s on fire!”, after which you get to throw the ball continually until you miss. If you don’t yell out the words, your streak doesn’t count. I never played this way in college, but it is currently my new favorite all-time rule
- 2-in-1-cup: If a team sinks two balls in one cup before the other team removes the cup from the table after the first ball has gone in, the game is over for them. This happened a remarkable number of times, including about 30 seconds into the first game of the night. It also works to keep people very focused on the game
- Flip Cup: If your game reaches the 15 minute time limit, you must play flip cup with the remaining cups to determine the winner (credit goes to Mitch). This happened once, in a one on one dual, in which one of our own (to remain nameless) went down to an early 20’s co-ed….
All in all, it was a successful night that spawned a Thursday tradition. And to quote Johnny Drama, VICTORY!!!
Well you might think that I would be out of things to say about beer pong tournaments at this point given the recent lengthy discussions on the topic (see 
