It usually takes a couple episodes to get fully entrenched in a TV series’ season. You get an idea of where storylines are going to go, which characters are going to play significant roles and what to look forward to. Most of TV is only an episode or two in, with the exception of “Always Sunny in Philadelphia” - the first 15 minutes last night was the funniest shit on TV so far this Fall - and “Entourage.”
Last week, after all the premieres throughout the week, I was still looking forward to “Entourage” on Sunday. Now the plot is really moving - E is wheelin’ and dealin’, and Ari is trying his hardest to get Vince some work.
We don’t want to spoil anything for people without HBO or the Internet, but this season is all about the prospects of “Smoke Jumpers.” And the fellas over at iBored put together a pretty tight movie poster for the film… of course, with “Entourage” nothing is certain, but we can at least hope. Tune in Sunday night to see what comes up next!
When will celebrities learn? Sure, you may be down on your luck, but there’s no need to go slummin’ with has-been actors, Hollywood socialites and paparazzi, you know they are looking for the easiest way to make a dollar. Even if that means showing a little peen (see: Ray J). First, Lindsay Lohan got hit by the celebrity sex tape rumor and now Britney Spears.
Back when Britney was going through her “crazy” stage, she dated paparazzi Adnan Ghalib - owner of the World’s Longest Sole-Patch. Apparently the couple went to Mexico for a vacation and while there, videotaped themselves doing the nasty. Of course, now that the gravy-train has stopped for Ghalib, he’s looking for other ways to cash in on their short-term relationship. Yes, that means a sex tape is allegedly on the market to the highest bidder.
Just wanted to make sure everyone was aware that Megan Fox was on the cover of GQ this month. Poorly scanned copies of her photospread have been around the Internets all this week, but today we’ve finally been able to get some better quality images.
I’m sure GQ probably put some words to the photos in the magazine, stuff about how much she likes sex, her opinions on some less-attractive celebrities, Transformers…blah, blah, blah. If you’re interested in that sort of thing, the article is here, along with what you really want: more pictures and a video of Megan Fox.
Whenever I watch “The Girls Next Door” - the E! show about Hef’s girlfriends who live in the Playboy Mansion - it always reminds me of Adam Sandler in Big Daddy. You know, the scene where is mocks his girlfriend for cheating on him with grandpa and gets grossed out his loose skin and old balls. Well, there are rumors that Holly Madison - Hef’s No. 1 girlfriend - has decided to move on…to Criss Angel.
Listen, maybe Hef is over the hill and only able to get upright (if you know what I mean) thanks to drugs, but Criss Angel?!?! That’s like trading in a classic Ford Mustang for a new Hyundai. Sure, the Hyundai is a nice, reliable and shiny new car, but you’re going to look like a fucking tool with it. If you don’t know who Criss Angel is, imagine the offspring produced if David Blaine and Marilyn Manson got together. Yes, we’re talking about the Mindfreak magician Criss Angel. And yes, that’s how he spells “Chris.”
The rumors go back and forth, first she was leaving, now it sounds like she’s staying. If Holly gets the boot from the Playboy Mansion, I guess this means more of Kendra. Yes! Wait…probably more of Kendra talking too. Noooo!!!!!
My favorite comedian dead or aliveMitch Hedberg is pulling a 2-Pac and dropping a postmortem album. The album was recorded two months before Mitch passed and contains 40 minutes of never before heard Heberg awesomeness. “Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool apoatmus?”
I could do nothing but copy and paste my favorite Mitch Hedberg jokes in here all day long but I won’t. Just trust me, drop the $11, and pick up the album. You won’t be disappointed.
“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They’re relentless.”
“An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never seen an Escalator temporarily out of order sign, just Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”
“Alcoholism, is a disease, but it’s the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. Dammit Otto, your an alcoholic. Dammit Otto, you have Lupis. One of those two doesn’t sound right.”
The next installment of EA Sports’ Tiger Woods golf video game will hit store shelves in less than a week. Like most EA Sports games, not that much really changes from edition to edition, but people keep buying millions of copies. Well, apparently in the newest version, Tiger Woods can walk on water, but he can do that in the real world too. No big deal.
We all saw what Jessica Simpson did to the Dallas Cowboys once she latched onto Tony Romo, now a beer company is actually going to pay her to destroy their reputation. The Stampede Brewing Company has signed on the actress/singer to be the face of their Stampede Light Plus brew - a beer for “active” people. It’s funny, because the most “active” thing I’ve seen Jessica Simpson do is lift a finger to point to where she wanted Nick Lachey to put the furniture on “The Newlyweds.”
When Stampede goes down, so to will Simpson, as her contract also gave her a 15 percent share in the company. Hopefully this will be a learning lesson for Tony Romo, remember that pre-nup.
On Sunday night Comedy Central will air the “Roast of Bob Saget.” Despite Saget’s clean-cut image as the wholesome father on “Full House,” he’s known to be one of the dirtier stand-up comics. There are sure to be some crude and censored jokes, but we all know it’s going to be hilarious. Saget will be the main target, but here’s a little tease from the show: Gilbert Gottfried taking a shot at the host, John Stamos. The Roast airs at 10 p.m./9 p.m. Central, on Sunday night.
If you’ve been watching the Olympics the past couple of days, these girls to the right might look familiar. They are the three leading gymnasts on the U.S.A.’s team who helped bring home a silver medal last night in the all-around team competition. But please take note of the one in the middle - Alicia Sacramone. Don’t worry guys, she’s 20 years-old. But do worry, because she could knock you out! Check out the video below of her throwing a wicked left cross to a dude at a party at Brown University. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Look for Alicia to be knocking girls out later in the Olympics as she competes in the individual events.
Keifer Sutherland fresh off his 48 day jail sentence admitted that he did drop the soap and he didn’t stick around to pick it up.
‘I actually dropped the soap,’ he told a US talk show.
‘I remember looking down at it and then I looked around and thought: “Soap is overrated…I’m done with this shower!”’
I wouldn’t stick around to pick it up either but I haven’t spent the last six years kicking terrorist ass. I would think that after spending a year in a Chinese prison he wouldn’t be so squeamish about prison showers in general.
After John McCain called out Paris Hilton in a recent ad targeting Barack Obama, the socialite felt it was appropriate to respond. Luckily she chose to partner with Funny Or Die to make this video, so you know it’s going to be good. Although Hilton’s ability to act still sucks, this is her best comedic performance since her sex tape.
Our favorite new sensation and hardcore gangster rapper Rick Ross (real name William Roberts) may not be quite as hardcore as we thought. In fact, he is a former law enforcement officer and prison guard for Florida’s Department of Corrections. I guess when you are the one locking criminals up, you can collect enough material to rap about too. Unfortunately for Rick, it appears this may affect his street cred some. At least that’s what he seems to think, since he is completely denying any former affiliation with the right side of the law.
Instead, Ross claims that people are just upset at his success because he “came out of nowhere and just took over the streets”. I don’t know if I would go that far, especially given the above photo. But let’s review some lyrics anyway.
“Port of miami, Importing the candy” = illegal
“Never traffic for fun, Only traffic for funds” = illegal
“I handle dope like a vandle off the banana boat” = illegal
“Jose Canseco just snitchin’ because he’s finish, I feed ‘em steroids to strengthen up all my chickens” = i just like this one
“When I’m low on funds, I’m gonna load up guns, Slap you in the head I’m gonna open one” = illegal
Ok, so i don’t see anything about being a corrections officer for 2 years. I must have missed it. It’s probably in another song. Something like, “I make my money, putting fools behind bars is funny. I love the law, almost as much as Tim McGraw.”
Although the most anticipated movie the summer is being released today - Batman: The Dark Knight - maybe the most anticipated comedy of the summer will be hitting theaters next week, Step Brothers.
We already showed you the exclusive R-rated trailer, but here’s a hilarious deleted scene from the movie. John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell doing a little collectible comparison, i.e. “Show and Tell.”
The Mid-Summer Classic, a.k.a. baseball’s All-Star Game, was just that last night, a classic. The game extended into the 15th inning and into the wee hours of the morning on the East Coast, allowing for the immediate nickname of the “New York Marathon.” Although the 4-3 final score, in favor of the American League, was low; the game still provided a number of exciting moments and drama. The night had been long over for most of the big name All-Stars, and even the Yankee Stadium crowd slowly trickled out of the stands as the long drew on.
In the end Michael Young, Texas Ranger, hit a bases-loaded sacrifice fly, scoring the Twin’s Justin Morneau for the game-winning run. Even the final play was a close call at home.
A couple of parties on Monday night probably kept the some of the All-Stars a little subdued throughout the game. As gracious hosts, Yankees Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez both hosted parties in Manhattan. A-Rod’s party was Madonna-themed. Whereas Jeter’s get-together was hosted by Nike’s Jordan Brand and featured his new Jeter Clutch training shoe. The guest list included TastyBooze favorite Wade Boggs, Michael Jordan, former Yankee/Mariner Tino Martinez, Gabrielle Union, Billy Crystal, Fabolous, Busta Rhymes, a couple of the boys from Boyz II Men and others. Dan Uggla looked hungover as he made three errors at second base, and Kevin Youkilis was seen pounding a Red Bull as he sat the bench.
Overall it was a great game, luckily as a West Coast resident, I only had to stay up until 10:30 p.m. to watch it!
If you live in Seattle, or follow baseball at all, you know that signing Richie Sexson to a 4-year, $50 million contract was just one of many bad decisions by Mariners’ management. Honorable mentions include: a) signing Carlos Silva to a 4-year, $48 million dollar contract, b) replacing Jose Guillen with Brad Wilkerson (of the Strikeout Hall of Fame — the other member is Richie Sexson), who, by the way, is now a Toronto Blue Jay, and c) paying Jose Vidro to DH. Well hallelujah, Mariners! Yesterday, you did the right thing by releasing Richie Sexson. Sure, you’re going to eat at least $6 million this year on him regardless of what you do with him, but at least you can get some young talent some at-bats, or, I don’t know, try to win.
Considering the nearly monumental struggles of Sexson over the past three seasons, I ventured out to talk to some people close to Sexson to try and gain some insight as to how Richie is going to react to the news of his release. I was amazed at what I learned.
During an interview with local optomitrist Dr. Richard Gentry, he mentioned that he’d, “talked to [Richie Sexson] several times over the last three years during his regular, and emergency, appointments about lasik eye surgery, or at the very least, wearing contract lenses. Every time I’d suggest it he’d dismiss me with a wave of his hand, like he was shooing a dog away. ” When we asked Dr. Gentry the reasoning behind Richie’s refusal to improve his vision, he responded, “That stupid sonofabitch told me he enjoyed going up to the plate guessing on each pitch. And that he was still basking in the glory of pulling the wool over the owners’ eyes, getting them to sign him to a huge, albeit undeserved, contract. ‘It was the HGH,’ [Richie] told me.”
Last week, after all the premieres throughout the week, I was still looking forward to “Entourage” on Sunday. Now the plot is really moving - E is wheelin’ and dealin’, and Ari is trying his hardest to get Vince some work.
