Here’s just one of the many images from College Humor’s post titled “Drunk-o-Vision V”. The images show what things look like when you’re sober and when you’re drunk. This little drawing is my favorite because it speaks directly to the “tough guys” that you meet out at the bars. Just when you think your friends have your back, one’s getting his credit card, one’s trying to close the deal on the dance floor and one’s in the bathroom line. Leaving you as just the one. Check out the rest of the series at College Humor.
1. Chief - Involves a Sharpie, penis drawings and inappropriate words on human flesh. 2. The Dirty Dancer - See Usher’s new song, “Love In This Club.” 3. The Usurper - Random dude/chick in the back of all your photos making an ass of himself/herself. 4. The Public Display of Erection - See No. 2 and also, getting kicked out of a strip club. 5. The Toilet Sleeper (pictured) - Passing out on the john, not John. 6. The Pissed Pants - Not going to the bathroom before passing out on the floor/in the bushes. 7. The Crime Scene - Your lifeless passed-out body is covered or outlined with garbage. 8. The Crash and Burn - WUI (Walking Under the Influence), watch out for those curbs, bushes, crack in the sidewalk, your other foot or just about anything else. 9. Beer Goggles - Making bad decisions. 10. The Switch Hitter - Your friend who gets a little too “handsy” after a couple drinks.
For the complete list and all the accompanying hilarious photos, check out the original story here.
The thought of slam dunking during a beer pong game has probably crossed the minds of many who have played. In fact, yesterday Diggles and I were representing on the beer pong table during a BBQ pre-funk, and it crossed my mind after a few too many frustrating throws were effected by the wind. The video below features an old man going for the slam dunk. It looks like this is at a frat house and why he has his shirt off…I have no idea.
You have got to love the piss drunk stumble to the first available pass out spot.
A homeowner came down stairs at about 3:15 a.m. Sunday morning and found a 16 year old passed out on his couch and covered with vomit. Apparently the man had left his back door unlocked and the drunkard had stumbled in thinking it was his friends house. The cops were called and they removed the teen from the house. He will be charged with third degree criminal trespass.
This story very closely resembles a stunt that one of my buddies pulled in college. He came home from the bar wasted one night and stumbled past our friends third floor apartment and entered the fourth floor apartment of four girls where he demolished a half gallon of ice cream and then passed out on their couch. He was awoken, still cuddling the half gallon of ice cream, by a police officer poking him with a night stick who said and I quote, “Ah boy, you done pissed yourself.” Luckily my buddy was able to leave the apartment light on dignity and self respect but without any criminal charges.
Obviously it would be hard for anyone to do a thorough review of all universities across most of the country (there are obviously areas not worth bothering with, Dakotas I’m looking at you). Going through the list of these schools, I could probably validate at least half of the schools, based on personal experience, visiting the campuses, going to sporting events or watching a game on TV.
As you’ve probably guessed, many of the top schools are in the California, Arizona, Florida, Georgia and some of the other Southern states. The East Coast needs to step it up! Each university profile includes pictures of the school’s co-eds, cheerleaders and some famous alumni. Here’s some of my feedback:
#46 Oregon State - Having the reigning Playboy Playmate of the Year should at least get you into the top 20. #41 Washington State - Most of the pictures feature the girls drinking beer. Hot! (Go Cougs vs. UNC this week!) #40 Stanford - Overrated. As usual. #26 UNLV - One bad semester away from being a stripper. Fine by me. #15 Clemson - Girls in orange are always hot! (Sorry, Syracuse, you didn’t make the list!)
#7 UCLA - Now I’m even more upset that I missed last week’s Undie Run!
#5 Ole Miss - Sure, they probably have some good candidates, unfortunately none of them were pictured. #1 Arizona State - Agreed!
If you are a top college athlete make sure that you don’t take any extra money from boosters, or your ass will be booted out of school faster than you can molest a coed at a frat party. Now, if you need a little extra help on test day, from say, an illegal copy of a test. Now, that is understandable. School is hard, and while we are going to get slap on the wrist, and suspended a game or two, your scholarship is safe. This seems to be the tacit message the NCAA is sending to athletes theses days.
In two recent extreme cases of NCAA violations, one involving academic fraud on an epidemic level and one involving illegal recruiting, the NCAA seems to care about dollars more than education. First, we have FloridaState. Over sixty players were involved in a case of academic fraud that attracted marginal attention from the NCAA, and will likely not have long term implications on either the football program or the athletic department. In fact, FSU selectively decided when to suspend players, and did so in a way that would have the least impact on the program.
Secondly, Indiana coach Kelvin Sampson violates some minor and recruiting violations and is soundly criticized by the NCAA and the media, resulting in almost immediate firing during a promising season.
One wonders if this case analysis is a microcosm for the greater dealings of the NCAA. Is academic fraud a back page story, while recruiting violations are front page news? What’s more important for the NCAA, programs that develop strong student athletes, or making sure competitive balance in recruiting ensures increased revenue?
When I think back to History class in high school I remember the awkwardly fat kid (he had a literal tire around his waist, but was ok everywhere else), the soccer player hot blond who cheated off the relatively smart boys, and a history teacher who had an enormous amount of chest hair and little concept of how to actually teach. My college memories of history are nonexistent, and somehow anger inducing. Point is, most of my history classes were so boring that I can’ remember anything from them. If only my history classes had involved scotch and George Michael (Michael Cera) from Arrested Development, I might actually remember something.
It’s time for the highly touted division 1/ Bowl Championship Series Championship/highest revenue teams play other high revenue teams for the 2008 college football revenue championship game. Unlike many other bowl games this year, the championship game pits two teams that are primarily referred to as their acronyms! Fun all around. Of course pundits have been running their mouths all of December debating if OSU is too slow, if LSU is too humid, or if a tiger would die form eating a poisonous nut, etc., but of course they are all idiots. Like every good Sociology major knows, the key prognosticating tool for bowl games is a close examination of the statistics and structural components of the two teams competing. Accordingly, OSU and LSU by the numbers…
1. Starting kicker height, weight, and age:
OSU – Ryan Pretorious 5’9” 175 age 28
LSU – Patrick Fisher 6’5” 238 age 22
Edge: on paper it looks like LSU has the advantage, but the Buckeye kicker is 28 and white African, that’s right he was born in Africa, and is white, and is 28. Clearly, being an ethnic oxymoron, and 6 years older than the competition allows Ryan to gain the advantage here, even though he gives up 63 pounds and 8 inches. Edge-OSU
2. Backup quarterback arrested for soliciting a prostitute who was an undercover cop:
OSU – 1
LSU – 0
Edge: If Henton can’t find tail in the OSU dorms, how is he going to find the tailback on the field? (Interesting note: the sex of the undercover cop was never revealed in the arrest reports leading one to wonder?) Edge-LSU
3. Cheerleader named Codi Cox:
OSU – 0
LSU – 1
Edge: Really, there is nothing to say that is remotely appropriate here. I am sure she is a team and fan favorite. She also hates her dad. Edge-LSU
4. Student enrollment:
OSU – 50,504
LSU – 31,264
Edge: Given that OSU must have a much larger alumni base, who have not recently been ravaged by a national disaster, suggests that the OSU fans at the BCS Championship game are likely to be 2.5 to 3 times more drunk than their humid neighbors. Once the game is over, regardless of the victor, Buckeye fans, at a ratio of 10:1, will attempt to light furniture on fire, but will be foiled by the general dampness of all physical objects, and will end up vandalizing Habitat for Humanity recovery projects. Got to love those Buckeye fans! Edge-LSU
5. Legalized toplessness:
OSU – yes
LSU – yes
Edge: Who knew? While it’s legal to be topless in Columbus no one wants to see that. Edge-LSU
6. School closest to Kenny George
OSU – 483 miles
LSU – 733 miles
Edge: Kenny George (UNC Ashville) is supposed to be a football player but somehow found his way onto the court at 7’7” 360. At his size, he is considered a gravitational force to be reckoned with. Those in Columbus have experienced flying objects being pulled in the general direction of North Carolina over the past couple months. This unnatural phenomenon has improved the accuracy and composure of the OSU quarterbacks when they play further away from Kenny, much like running in the high altitude of Kenya has improved the marathon time of numerous Kenyan runners. Edge-OSU
7. School that has the best photos on Google image when I type in “funny looking (Ohio State or LSU) fan”
OSU – more
LSU – less
Edge: the best is the Michigan mangina photo. Extra credit goes to the spring break photo of OSU coeds. Ladies always look classy with their pants pulled down and writing on their back. Edge-OSU
8. 2007 first round NBA draft picks
OSU – 3
LSU – 0
Edge: While that Davis fellow from LSU is doing well as of late, OSU clearly takes the cake here, even with Oden out for the year. Plus, Davis’ player photo looks like this
Edge: Rushing is only slightly significantly different, somewhere around 7 yards a game difference, essentially negligible. On the passing side, LSU has a clear edge, coupled with more rushing attempts suggests that LSU is on offense more often than OSU (even accounting for the extra game played), about a drive or two more a game. This is critical, as LSU is good at controlling the ball on offense, and OSU hopes to use its defense to gain field position. For now, LSU has the edge, but it’s going to come down to turnovers I tell you. And possibly the kicking game, but we have already discussed that. Edge-LSU
10. Head coach
OSU – Jim Tressel
LSU – Les Miles
Edge: Tressel prays a lot, wears a sweater vest, and is known as “The Vest.” Miles turned down a better job at Michigan, prays less, wears a hat, and is known as “The Hat.” The Vest has gotten to more championships, but is less appropriate in hot weather. The Hat is dumb. Edge-OSU
No matter what the obsticle a hungry drunk will find food. When my friends and I went back to WSU for football games we had something we called Alumni Grill. After a long Saturday of Cougar Football and drinking we would head back to the fraternity at about 2.30 a.m., find the poor bastard that had the kitchen keys and then cook ourselves a feast fit for a king. This guy had a similar idea and what must have been a serious craving for Carl’s Jr.
Police say a 19-year-old broke into a local Carl’s Jr. because he simply wanted food! It happened at a Carls Jr. on East Harvard in Santa Paula early Sunday morning. The suspect, Ruben Manzano told police he had been drinking and became hungry. At the crime scene officers found Manzano’s shoes, shirt and food he was trying to cook on the grill. Police arrested Manzano a short time later after using a k-9 to locate him. Manzano was arrested for commercial burglary.
College students across the country have been strapping empty holsters around their waists this week to protest laws that prohibit concealed weapons on campus, citing concerns over campus shootings.
This is one of those ideas that should be filed under fan-fucking-tastic. Nothing screams safety to me like a bunch of binge drinking 21 year olds walking around campus with concealed weapons.
Now instead of one nut job with a gun we have said nut job and 8 wanna-be heroes all busting off caps. How do the cops tell who is who? What happens when Joe Hero #1 hears shots and runs into a classroom with his gun drawn and blasts the first person he sees holding a gun except that first person happens to be Joe Hero #2? I’m no lawyer but I think that’s manslaughter, brother.
Knowing this dipshit is carrying a gun would just make me shit myself I would feel so safe.
October 17th, 2007by Lexington Steele · 5 Comments
What you say? Boggs strike? That is correct. I am taking a stand against Miller and letting them know their latest attempt at marketing has rubbed me the wrong way.
If you don’t live in Seattle, then you don’t know about Miller’s sponsorship of UW Husky football. I for one refuse to drink a beer that is packaged in purple and gold, but it hurts to have go pick out an 18 pack of the competition, especially after so many great times with Miller Delites. So, in attempt to get things back on track for Miller up here in the Pacific NW, I wrote them a little feedback. Below are my comments, followed by their response (or lack thereof):
This may seem a little petty, but I like Miller Lite and I want you to succeed, so I thought I should give a piece of advice from a consumer. I recently have heard advertisements for Miller Lite as the official beer of the University of Washington Huskies. I have also seen 18 packs with Husky logos on them. I understand the thinking, but you should know that there is a large contingent of Washington State Cougars living in the Seattle area. Cougars and Huskies don’t get along very well. So when a Cougar sees/hears Miller Lite as the official beer of UW Football, the first reaction is to stop drinking Miller Lite. Whereas, a Husky probably wouldn’t change his/her preference due to any sort of sponsorship. And the reality is, Cougars drink a lot more than Huskies (this is fact, it has been statistically proven). My reason for writing this is not to have you jump ships and sponser Cougar Football (although that would be glorious). I only wish you to stop promoting Husky Football so that I can get back to drinking Miller Lites (aka Miller Delites, aka Boggs’). If you want to see some dedication to your brand, check out http://tastybooze.com/2007/04/the-origin-of-boggs/. This one article has logged over 100,000 hits and is linked through wikipedia and espn. Go on, read it. About two years ago we made the switch from the site stating “Where the Anheuser’s are Always Cold.” Search Boggs or Miller Lite on the search side, you will see the dedication. So, all that being said, why don’t you go ahead and drop this campaign so that you don’t have to divide Miller Lite drinkers. Thanks for listening and let me know when I can go back to my normal drinking habits.
And the response for Miller?
Thank you for contacting the Miller Brewing Company. We are glad to hear you enjoy our product Miller Lite. Consumers like yourself have helped to make us one of America’s leading breweries. We always appreciate receiving both positive and negative feedback from our consumers. Please rest assured all of your comments will be forwarded to the appropriate department.
We appreciate your interest in our company. Cheers!
Sincerely,
Miller Brewing Company Consumer Affairs Department
Ref: Case#N20063671
Weak. You appreciate my interest in your company?!?! How bout my thousands of dollars I have spent on you. Not to mention some serious viral marketing that has been happening for a couple years. This is more than just an interest brother, it is a way of life. So I say get with the program Miller. Know your target audience and thank your faithful drinkers. I think my loyalty deserves more than a Dear John response.
So for now, I am on a Boggs strike. I encourage others of you disturbed by this new packaging with a strange looking dog on it to stray to the Anheuser. Who’s coming with me?!?!
The staff at Colorado State University’s Rocky Mountain Collegian published an outstanding piece of jounalism today. Maybe they were looking to boost their pageviews and figured this would do it. Apparently they are getting some national media attention so I guess it worked.
In only four eloquent words (including the title) they combined this weeks buzz story (”Don’t taser me, bro!”) and what I take is a strong dislike for President Bush.
That is right folks tomorrow at 12:30 p.m. (PDT) the Washington State Cougars will kickoff their season against the Wisconsin Badgers on ABC. National TV bitch! I am so excited I could crap myself. There is nothing like cracking that first beer of another glorious Cougar football season. Although I won’t be their in person a 60″ HDTV should suffice nicely. Now I just need to find a few fellow Cougars to enjoy this occasion with. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem but I have to travel out of town this weekend to attend a wedding. Maybe I can recruit J Diggles, as he is attending the same wedding, but I have a feeling he will be sunning himself by the pool instead of enjoying the awesomeness that is the Cougs. No worries though. I will be cracking a boggs at about 12:15 p.m. (PDT) because when the Cougs are on you are never drinking alone.
