America’s economy continues to suffer, as the U.S. is infiltrated by tourists from all over the world this summer looking to take advantage of the sweet exchange rates of the dollar. European-based companies are also looking for opportunities to grow. The Belgium-based brewers of Beck’s and Stella Artois, InBev purchased Anheuser-Busch for $52 billion in a deal that went down on Sunday.
The two brewers will combine to make the world’s largest beer maker with more than 300 different brands under its ownership. The St. Louis headquarters of Anheuser-Busch will be the new home of InBev’s North American offices.
Stephen Colbert drowned his sorrows regarding the whole situation on his show last night, enjoying both some Bud Heavys and Bud Light with Lime. Colbert has been drinking since he heard the news - he wants to make sure he enjoys the classic taste of Budweiser “before those waffle humpers change the formula.”
Getting into a war with your roommate is always a dangerous proposition. It can definitely be a good way to teach them a lesson, but you have to think about how they are going to take it. This video might be a little old, but is definitely a great way to teach your roommate about slamming the door in the morning.
This is an old cover of the awesome Dresden Dolls song “Coin Operated Boy.” This song is clever because it replaces beer with coin. Ok, it’s actually fairly clever, but could use a little more action (something like this) than a slide show of pictures. Apparently this cover has been around for awhile, however, it’s new to me so suck on that. Enjoy.
We here at TastyBooze do our best to toe the line of maturity. Making sure to always take the high road, we often ignore the cheap joke in favor of serious writing and pleasant satire. However, when recently reading the erudite BBC news we came across this little known culinary delight, the faggot. Now, we could make the obvious immature joke (ed. Know how I know you’re gay? Because you eat faggots!), but instead we wish to inform you of this delightful dish.
The faggot is like a pork dumpling similar to a meatball. Sometimes a regional dish, Fred Doody remarked, “The great British faggot is full of flavour and a great belly warmer at this time of year.”
Fred and the rest of the Doody’s are the newest champions of the faggot. On a crusade to promote the faggot all throughout the homeland, and soon throughout the colonies as well, the Doody’s are a family of four and eat faggots a couple times a week.
Winning a statewide competition organized by “faggot producer Mr. Brain’s Faggots,” the Doody’s were deemed to be the best possible spokespeople in all of England.
When young Lewis, the Doody’s 14-year-old son, was asked what he thought about being a spokesperson for faggots he replied, “I can’t wait for school to start again so I can tell all my friends about the great taste. My friends will love faggots!”
In case you didn’t fire up your internet machine over the weekend George Carlin died of heart failure Sunday night at the age of the 71. Below is a clip from his “Seven Dirty Words” routine that helped make him a household name and was eventually the subject of a 1978 Supreme Court case.
The fist bump is everywhere this week… I would like to nominate it for having the Best Week Ever on “Best Week Ever“. Obama and wife locked up a fist bump after securing the Democratic nomination earlier this week, and just last night David Letterman gave props to Julia Roberts in the form of a fist bump during the “Late Show“.
Upon examining the rules of fist bumping and applying them to the situation, it’s hard to tell if this was a acceptable fist bumping occasion. Letterman was discussing a recent encounter that Roberts had - she confronted paparazzi that were following her and taking pictures of her family at her kids’ school - Letterman asks for the fist bump, saying, “Nice going, way to go, give me one of those. Yeah, get in there on that.” Roberts locks it up, but then comments that it was her first time fist bumping, to which Letterman responds with another bump, since he doesn’t want to leave her hanging.
The rules of a man-to-woman or woman-to-man fist bump is vague. We’ll give them a pass here, as obviously Roberts was a fist bumping virgin, but they both knew well enough to not leave the other hanging (simple carry over from high-fives). If this was Leno on the other hand, I would have mercilessly mocked and chastised him for all of eternity (oh wait, I already do).
Here’s the video from the interview. The fist bump takes place at the 6:25 mark:
Mom: Oh, I wish daddy was still here. I remember when he used to fix his bike in the kitchen, and make fun of me for being a woman.
Abused child: what’s a daddy?
Mom: Shut up! Gimmie that beer momma needs a drink.
Staci (mom’s trashy friend from New Jersey): Take a picture a ‘dis, an let’s get to Sully’s. I hear they got a special on cheap beer and broken dreams tonight.
Mom: Ok, hold on…Johnny, I’m going to pour some of this juice into your cup ok. Take a couple sips, ok.
Abused child: This tastes like poverty.
(10 minutes later)
Staci: He asleep, we need to git.
Mom: (Kisses Johnny on the forehead) ok, be good, I’m going to find a daddy.
(15 years later Johnny is sitting in the auditorium of Franklin High School taking his senior year pictures. He’s pleased that the Canadian flag lapel pin he found on the ground that morning that really sets off his black on black outfit.)
Senior quote: That’s what she said.
Moral: Giving a child a drink is not funny, it ruins lives.
I’m going to have to agree with this guy, you gotta have your priorities straight, beer comes before liquor make-up. Just think of how much beer you can buy with $65. If he drinks that much, a sack of potatoes is going to look pretty.
It’s tax season and the Math Bus boys are rolling. If you are a guy and you have searched the internet for porn then you have seen a Bang Bus video. Don’t lie about it, we have all seen them. Math Bus follows the same basic principle. A few buddies are rolling around in a van and they try to pay girls to get into the van and…do math with them.
Just a friendly reminder from Tasty Booze that this Tuesday, April 15th, is the day your taxes are due to the IRS. I was going to use more colorful language to describe the IRS but I need an audit like I need to be kicked in the balls. This weekend would be great time to grab a 1040 form, your W-2 and all your write-offs and get the shit knocked out. If you are unclear on the subject of write-offs check out this Seinfeld clip where Kramer explains the concept of the write-off.
Thanks to Big Tony for the reminder and the video link.
Mitch Hedburgh is probably my all time favorite comedian so to find a Mitch Hedburgh random joke generator pretty much just made my Friday. In fact it took me 30 minutes just to write this post because I kept going back and reading through his jokes. If you don’t know who Mitch Hedburgh is then it might be time to re-evaluate what you are doing with your life and expand your comedic horizons. Okay, the life re-evaluation might be a little harsh. How about we compromise and you check out some of his stuff on YouTube.
Anyway check out the joke generator. I guarantee that at least one of them will make you laugh out loud in your cube.
Last week I helped my friend stay put. It’s a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.
Listerine hurts, man. When I put Listerine in my mouth, I’m fuckin’ angry. Germs do not go quietly.
Dandruff should be the least of his concerns. First of all, he is wearing an ascot. Second, he is riding a tandem bicycle. Third, he is wearing an ascot!
This hilarious blog is called The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotations and it consists of reader-sent-in pics of signs containing (you guessed it) unnecessary quotation marks. They’re not all necessarily grammatically incorrect, though almost all are, but they are all ridiculous, and many change the intended meaning of the sign with great results. When people think the quotation marks add emphasis, when really they do the opposite, hilarity ensues.
The examples below are some good ones, but there are hundreds more. Seriously, check it out.
America’s economy continues to suffer, as the U.S. is infiltrated by tourists from all over the world this summer looking to take advantage of the sweet exchange rates of the dollar. European-based companies are also looking for opportunities to grow. The Belgium-based brewers of Beck’s and Stella Artois, InBev purchased Anheuser-Busch for $52 billion in a deal that went down on Sunday.
We here at TastyBooze do our best to toe the line of 
