This guy really starts to lay into the cop trying to give him the field sobriety test. The best part is when he gets upset that he has to close his eyes, but the cop doesn’t have to close hers. I have to agree… if you’re administering a DUI test, the cop should have to do it along with you.

If you are a 22-year-old rookie cop it’s probably best to not be video taped tasering a 15 year old at a party where underage kids are drinking even if the 15-year-old claims that getting tased is his “lifelong dream”.

Not only did the rookie cop lose his job but he could end up being charged with contributing to minors.

That’s just a kick in the balls followed by a stomach punch. What kind of an asshole would charge this guy after he already lost his job? I’m pretty sure losing his ability to fuck around with guns and tasers all day was probably enough to teach him a lesson.

Original Story: ABC News

I’ve never paid for sex but if for some reason I decided to I would like to think I would have enough common sense to realize that two cents probably wouldn’t score me much. Shit, the lady probably wouldn’t even punch you in the dick for two cents. To be fair it sounds like this ass clown realized two cents wasn’t exactly fair market value and he tried to sweeten the pot by throwing in a cigarette lighter and a bicycle. Of course, as you can probably guess, the lady he happened to be making an offer to was an undercover cop who arrested him despite his pitiful offer.

Being the undercover cop that has to pose as the prostitute has to be a tough gig but I think it would really mess with your head if a guy only offered two cents.

WFTV.com

Last January a woman in Oregon blew a .72 and recently in Rhode Island a man dropped a .491 but a man in Bulgaria has them both beat. In fact he kicked both of their asses.

When stopped by the cops the unnamed 25 year old reportedly told the officers that he had drank 20 liters of beer and then he passed out right in front of them. For those of you trying to wrap your head around the metric conversions 20 liters is roughly 676 ounces which would be about 5.28 gallons of beer or 42.25 16oz pints.

The article doesn’t say if the cops woke him up for a breathalyzer or if they just drew blood but this guy registered a .851. That is not a typo the guy had a .851 BAC which is double what is generally considered as the lethal limit of .40. I don’t know how this guy survived. His brain has to be literally pickled by booze.

Original Story: news.com.au

Not only can you run in high heels Kelly Ripa, but you could also use those high heels as a weapon. A Seattle woman went to the hospital, with what doctors called an “aggressive” bacterial infection, after being stabbed in her hand by a man using her own stiletto high heel boot.

Over the June 29 weekend, the woman was attending a BBQ when “an acquaintance asked her to perform a sex act on him. When she refused, the man slapped her face, removed her boot and stabbed her in the left hand with the stiletto heel, police said.” - according to an article in The Seattle Times.

This is pretty hardcore. If you watch Flavor of Love or Rock of Love, you know that the a girl-fight is getting comical serious when one of the girls takes off her shoe and starts swinging it around like a deranged lunatic. I never really imagined it doing much harm, but this is good to know.

Thanks to Phamtastic for passing on the goodness. Original story: The Seattle Times

Check out these Chinese S.W.A.T. officers rolling in heavy on their Segways. One, that can’t be good for your lower back. Two, what happens when this guy starts popping off caps and his weight shift causes the Segway to start rolling backwards? I am not familar with S.W.A.T. tactics but apparently these guys never face a situation that calls for speeds greater than 5 MPH and they never need to move left or right.

Hit the link for more pictures of the Chinese S.W.A.T team in action. I am not positive but I am pretty sure there is a ninja in the last picture.

Xinhuanet via Engadget

The excitement of Memorial Day Weekend must have trumped this story, as it totally missed my radar at the end of May. Luckily, I was catching up on my search for Asian lesbian porn and happened upon this story today from CNN Asia.

A 58-year-old homeless woman was found living in the closet of a man in Japan, she had apparently been living undetected in the house for about a year. The man became suspicious when he realized food came up missing from his house, so he installed cameras throughout his home that would send photos to his cell phone to monitor. Busted! Although the man did give the woman props for being “neat and clean” during her stay.

As a precaution, I’m planning on doing a thorough once-over at my condo tonight; looks like the roommate drink-off followed by the $1 wells at the Dubliner are going to have to wait!

Original story: CNN.com/Asia

Michael Myers was arrested over the weekend for trying to impersonate a police officer. Myers allegedly was trying to convince a woman to get into his Crown Victoria because she was too drunk and he wanted to give her a ride home. A couple of firefighters saw the incident and asked Myers if he was on officer. Myers allegedly responded yes and provided the firefighters with a badge number. The firefighters didn’t believe him and called in the local fuzz. Myers consented to a search of his car and the officers found a silver badge that said “Official Boob Inspector, Department of Titillation”.

If Myers had gotten the lady into the car what was the game plan? “Excuse me ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice one of your breasts seems larger than the other. Luckily I am an official boob inspector [flashes badge] and I would be happy to check them out for you once we get to your house.”

This dipshit should have skipped the whole cop gig and just posted up at a local bar. He could have kept buying ladies Bud Lights and then tried to flash his badge after 5 or 6 beers. He probably could have found at least one lady that would have flashed him. Even a brief glimpse of boobs is better than getting arrested.

Original Story: courier-journal.com

A man dressed in drag (Yep, that’s him below) climbed through the driver thru window of a Burger King and held up the store at gunpoint. Once the gunman collected all the cash he climbed back out the driver thru window and drove away. Cross dressing and climbing through the drive thru? This guy gets bonus points for creativity. The local cops are trying to track the guy down and they have made this brilliant deduction.

Robertson said the thief is probably a genuine cross-dresser because his necklace matched the dress, his nails appeared to be painted and the wig was well made. “Most of the time when somebody puts on a wig they’re just trying to hide their identity by putting on something like a Halloween Mask, but he’s pretty,” Robertson said.

That’s some damn fine detective work, Howard.

Original Story: WDSU.com

You are a cop and the boss sends you to investigate a possible brothel. Do you:

A) Stakeout the building and look for a pattern of random dudes.
B) Enter the building and inquire about paying for sex.
C) Have sex with one of the girls in the alleged brothel. You know, just to be sure.

A police sergeant (not the guy pictured) in London decided to do his thinking with his little head as opposed to his big head and chose option C. Option C got the sergeant laid but it also got him fired. Now sure he shouldn’t have had sex with a prostitute, but in all honestly the guy did in fact confirm the building was a brothel and wasn’t that his original assignment?

Original Story: Yahoo News

NOTE: Yes, I am going for a multiple choice list trifecta today.

“I discharged a couple bullets. Big deal, man.”

I agree with Ronald Hudock, 61, on this one. I mean who hasn’t wanted to pop off a couple of shots in frustration? However, I am guessing that it might have been a combination of the bullets, high speed chase and smashing into multiple cop cars that might have gotten the authorities panties in a bunch.

It all started with what I am guessing is your basic case of road rage. Ron was cruising on Interstate 70 in his white Porsche Carrera when he decided to take a couple of shots at a semi that was also traveling on the interstate. Road rage and busting caps must make Ron hungry because he stopped at a local McDonalds drive-thru to pick up some grub. Ron got frustrated with the service he was receiving and discharged a couple of more bullets at the golden arches sign. He hopped back onto the interstate and at this point several police cruisers attempted to pull Ron over. The chase exceeded 80 MPH and Ron blasted through at least on construction zone. It doesn’t say exactly how the chase ended but Ron managed to smash into four police cars. I think the crazy son of a bitch might have tried to run a road block.

Guess what Ron’s hijinks got him once the police finally stopped him? Yep, you guessed it, that’s a tasing.

Original Story: WPXI.com

The guy has to be one of the craziest / toughest SOBs I have ever read about. A guy climbed out of the drivers side window of his mini-van while it was traveling at 55 MPH on the interstate and tried to surf on top of the roof. The mini-van hit the guardrail which threw the man over a wooded embankment. A few minutes later the man climbed up the embankment to the side of the interstate where he stripped off his clothes and started running down the road. Witnesses reported that the man had a foot long gash in his side and that “his internal organs were exposed“. Police arrived on the scene as the man was running down the interstate and tried to deploy both pepper spray and the ever popular taser to stop the man. The cops hit him with three separate taser jolts but the man was still running down the road. Eventually an officer tackled this crazy asshole and brought him down. Amazingly the guy is still alive although he is in critical condition.

Police are still waiting for the toxicology so there is no word as to whether this guy was on some kind of new wonder drug or if he was just plain batshit crazy. My money would be a combination of the two. I have seen some episodes of Cops with guys hopped up on PCP that do some pretty crazy shit.

Original Story: ReadingEagle.com

Deputies in Nevada arrested a man in an electric wheelchair who threatened to commit suicide by swallowing an entire bottle of prescription Viagra. Actually we should back up a little. First he threatened to run over a deputy with his electric wheelchair, the agile deputy dodged the attack by stepping onto the curb, then the guy made his threat with the boner pills.

I know that prescriptions vary but how many boner pills do you think you could get from a doctor at any one time? I am glad the guy didn’t die but I am really interested in what would have happened if the deputies hadn’t wrestled the pills away from him. Every time you take a single pill you roll the dice and take the chance of getting one of those 4 plus hour boners they talk about in the commercials. Say the guy had 10 to 20 pills. Was he risking a one to two week boner?

Obviously this guy was thinking on his ass but he overlooked one huge problem with his plan. If he takes the pills and doesn’t die, I don’t think he would want to end up in any kind of jail with a boner that could be around for hours or days. I think that would attract exactly the kind of attention you are trying to avoid in jail.

Original Story: Nevada Appeal

You have got a drug test at work today and you know your shit ain’t clean. What are you going to do?

A) Call in sick.
B) Drink a shit ton of cranberry juice and roll the dice.
C) Have your buddy shoot you in the shoulder.

Daniel Kuch of Pasco, WA went ahead and took option C. He first reported to the deputies that he was the victim of a drive-by shooting while he was out jogging. After further questioning (I am guessing under the hot lights) Daniel admitted he had his friend shoot him so that he could take some time off work and avoid an upcoming drug test.

The only thing that proves you are on drugs more than a positive drug test is having your friend bust a cap in your shoulder so that you can avoid aforementioned drug test.

Original Story: Fox News

Police arrested Taleon for possessing about a half-ounce of crack cocaine and a loaded .25-caliber automatic handgun. While handcuffed in the back of the moving car, Taleon smashed out the rear window by head-butting it, police said. He then dove through the window and its steel frame, causing $1,800 in damage, Kunkel said.

Indeed, they didn’t. Two officers were injured while chasing Taleon. A week later, he turned himself in. But he didn’t return the department’s handcuffs, Kunkel said.

Jesus Christ! Head butting through the window of a moving car and then flipper kicking away!? That is ri-goddamn-diculous. They say it was a pond but that must have been one big ass pond if the officers couldn’t run around to the other side and catch him when he got out.

The story does get better. This dynamic identical twin duo are not only online gay-porn stars but they have also been arrested by a Roof Top Burgarly Task force investigating 40 rooftop burgarlies that have occured in the Phileadelphia area over the last 18 months. The two gay-porn/criminal masterminds where caught breaking into a beauty saloon through the roof using an axe and a hacksaw.

Original Story: Philly.com