Everyone relax, you can breath again. Those two little hellion bastards that ruined the 4th of July parade in our quaint town of Red Lodge, MT have finally been caught. It’s been an intense two month search but we finally tracked them down. Because everyone in town was actually at the parade we had a hard time finding witnesses who saw their escape. It took some good police and a lot of footwork to interview 2,447 of the 2,449 residents before we nailed the bastards.
Thank christ we don’t have any actual crime in this town.
A 41-year-old man in Hong Kong found himself lonely and disturbed in a park late one night, alcohol could have possibly been involved too. The man thought it would be a good idea to have sex with a metal park bench. After becoming aroused, the man was stuck in/on the bench and unable free himself due to swelling. The man called the police for help…they had to take the entire park bench with the man still laying on top of it to the hospital. Four hours later, he was finally free. Doctors say an hour longer, and … well, let’s just say it wouldn’t have been good.
If alcohol was involved, this might be the worst case of beer goggles EVER!
Hey you can read the sign, move it along. Sherrie Palmer posted this sign outside of her Flint Michigan home because she was tired of all the riff-raff that was hanging out on the streets near here home. Sherrie said she would find needles and condoms in her yard. Needles are one thing, shit I used to find those on the street near my old place, no big dizzle. But condoms? I am all about safe sex but have some common fucking courtesy and at least throw the thing in someone’s garbage can.
My favorite part is the scrappy dog outside the circle. That just takes the sign to another level and shows true pride in craftsmanship.
With the cost of gas these days, you’re probably going to start hearing a lot more about people trying to steal gas. Well, a 20-year-old dude in San Jose thought he could break into a small airport and steal some gas. Of course, he was drunk and, of course, he was trying to steal jet fuel. Sure jet fuel is used for airplanes and racing cars, but it also happens to be more expensive than what the common folk at buying at the pump.
The guy was arrested for the DUI and attempted theft. Have fun getting your car back from the impound with an empty tank.
Alright, someone in a law enforcement agency better have started an investigation on this. First off, that kid looks pretty young to be tossed into a pool he can’t stand up in. That’s why they have kiddie pools. Second, why is the mom so anxious to know if the dad caught that on film? That’s going to be a pretty key piece in the prosecution’s case in a few months.
If you’ve seen Batman: The Dark Knight, and I’m sure the large majority of you have, you know that in the movie Batman gains a horde of copy-cat crime fighters in the flick. Well, it looks like the Joker now has his first groupie.
The 20-year-old, Spencer Taylor of Michigan was arrested over the weekend trying to steal Batman posters and other collectibles at a theater. Maybe the costume would have worked on opening night, when the rest of the fanatics and die-hards are dressed up in their gear, but a week after the opening? Way to be slick…nothing like walking around in a purple suit with white face paint to give the heads-up to the authorities that you’re up to no good.
The authorities did the appropriate thing of taking mug shots with and without face-paint…although, we all know the real Joker would have had none of that! Spencer, you’re ruining his reputation, douche.
“Dude, I can’t talk, I’m being chased by the police,” –Grayson Clevenger
Here is the kicker, it was the cops on the phone. The cops were on their way to arrest Grayson when they saw him leave his residence in a stolen Dodge Durango. Detectives tried calling Grayon who answered the phone and gave the above response before hanging up.
It doesn’t say how many miles the chase covered but it started in Minnesota then briefly entered Wisconsin before coming back into Minnesota. I guess technically the chase is still on because Grayson ditched the Durango and managed to escape on foot.
A couple of weeks ago two guys broke into a Fred Meyer outside of Monroe, Wash., a suburb south of Seattle. Unfortunately, the two left a trail of stolen goods for the cops to track them down. They made it even easier on law enforcement by falling asleep on the stolen property when the cops arrived. Being good law enforcement agents, the cops snapped a couple photos of the criminals before arresting them. Cops seem to think alcohol was involved, but I wouldn’t rule out meth.
I know how it can be when you’re drunk and just looking for a place to crash for the night. However, I’ve never gone to extremes of breaking into a store to make my pass-out that much more comfortable. I mean you’re sleeping on a laid out hammock and some seat cushions. The grass probably would have been just as comfortable in your drunken state, and it’s not going to put you in jail - where the two are STILL, since they can’t make bail.
Not only can you run in high heels Kelly Ripa, but you could also use those high heels as a weapon. A Seattle woman went to the hospital, with what doctors called an “aggressive” bacterial infection, after being stabbed in her hand by a man using her own stiletto high heel boot.
Over the June 29 weekend, the woman was attending a BBQ when “an acquaintance asked her to perform a sex act on him. When she refused, the man slapped her face, removed her boot and stabbed her in the left hand with the stiletto heel, police said.” - according to an article in The Seattle Times.
This is pretty hardcore. If you watch Flavor of Love or Rock of Love, you know that the a girl-fight is getting comical serious when one of the girls takes off her shoe and starts swinging it around like a deranged lunatic. I never really imagined it doing much harm, but this is good to know.
Flaming shots are great visuals, but drinking them and just serving them can be dangerous. In fact, many bars and clubs have stopped serving them altogether due to the fire hazard. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that lighting fires around a shit ton of alcohol is never a good idea. Well, if the bars/clubs won’t do it, why not try it at home…nothing bad is going to happen…right… (Headphones recommended).
We’ve all had our good days and our bad days. This guy in this Heineken commercial must be having a pretty bad day if all he needs is a Heineken to keep him from going off the deep end. There is an F-bomb dropped at the end of the video (those Euros and their swearing), so be careful watching this at work without headphones.
Surely the DUI laws vary between states and countries, even more so when it comes to operating non-traditional vehicles, but this story from the UK is a bit ridiculous. The DUI on the Cruzin Cooler is understandable, but what if you are disable and operate an electric wheelchair?
Well, a man with cerebral palsy was cut off after two Budweisers at a pub in England on Sunday because he was in an electric wheelchair and liquor laws kept the bar from serving him a third beer. Also noted, as that the top speed of his electric wheelchair is 4 miles per hour.
The 33-year-old Lee Cook is pissed. This isn’t him in the photo, but if you check out the original story link, you’ll see a well written caption to go with his photo, “Angry: Lee Cook.” That just about says it all.
As a resident of Ohio, Bill Brasky, is probably the better person to post this photo, but he’s probably passed the stage of function motor skills at this point. If only someone would have taken this photo as the car went through one of the many drive-thru liquor stores…as I’m pretty sure this guy won’t be sharing the road with bikes on his way home.
Check out these Chinese S.W.A.T. officers rolling in heavy on their Segways. One, that can’t be good for your lower back. Two, what happens when this guy starts popping off caps and his weight shift causes the Segway to start rolling backwards? I am not familar with S.W.A.T. tactics but apparently these guys never face a situation that calls for speeds greater than 5 MPH and they never need to move left or right.
Hit the link for more pictures of the Chinese S.W.A.T team in action. I am not positive but I am pretty sure there is a ninja in the last picture.
A 42-year-old Spokane, Wash., man accidentally shot himself in the face yesterday. The man, who was hanging out with his friends and throwing back a couple drinks, was playing around with the gun when a member of the group expressed concern about the firearm being toyed with. In an attempt to prove the gun was unloaded, the man pointed the gun at his face and pulled the trigger. He is now in critical condition at a local hospital.
Words cannot describe the stupidity involved here.
Just another friendly TastyBooze reminder for the weekend, if you’re going to play with guns this weekend, making it the water variety.
