I’m not a pilot but I am pretty sure you aren’t supposed to land your plane directly on top of another plane that is trying to take off. I can understand the guy on the ground not seeing the guy behind him but what is the landers excuse? No one was hurt in the accident which makes the only victims here diginity and self respect.

Original Story: Fox News

Recently leaked video of Bill O’Reilly (current super conservative host of The O’Reilly Factor) freaking out on his old Inside Edition job. It is pure gold, especially if you have seen his show ever. I mean, wow.

“We will do it LIVE….F$%K IT”

And fortunately our friends at Double Viking have posted Stephen Colbert’s response to the Papa Bear O’Reilly’s Freakout….

Jesse Laboiteaux, 18, was trying to sneak into his 15 year old girlfriend’s window for what I can only imagine was a late night rendezvous of some sort. When he made it into the room he found that his girlfriend was not home, but her dad was. As you can imagine, pops wasn’t too keen on an 18 year old crawling into his daughter’s window, and it looks like he expressed those feelings to Jesse by introducing him to his fist. Twice.

Jesse ended up with a couple of black eyes courtesy of pops, along with burglary and assault charges courtesy of the local PD.

First of all, if you are 18 and you are chasing 15 year olds you are begging for trouble. Second, call ahead. Everyone over the age of 11 has a cell phone now. If you are going to try to pull these window shenanigans at least call and make sure the chick is there. What was his plan, wait around until she got home and then surprise her with a chubby?

Original Story: WCPO

What the hell is wrong with this airline? Aren’t they the ones who last year stranded passengers for over a week with delayed flights and made folks sit on planes with no food for 8+ hours on the tarmac waiting for the plane to thaw (which it never did). You would have thought that after that nightmare they would have trained their employees properly. But no.

A New York City man is suing JetBlue Airways Corp. for more than $2 million because he says a pilot made him give up his seat to a flight attendant and sit on the toilet for more than three hours on a flight from California.

Sit on the toilet? I mean that doesn’t sound half bad, it’s like your own little office in there. But come one, the pilot must have known that this was completely against federal safety regulations. What a bunch of morons.

Other highlights:
- The flight attendant was originally sitting in one of the standard flight attendant “jump seats”, but complained it was too uncomfortable for her and got the pilot to move the passenger. Really? This sounds like a man who is seriously whipped And by whipped, I mean he is totally thinking that if he does this he is going to get some flight attendent ass, which of course he isn’t.
- When the passenger said he didn’t want to go sit in the bathroom (totally reasonable I would say), the pilot told him that “he was the pilot, that this was his plane, under his command that the man should be grateful for being on board”.

Let’s see Jet Blue. Your stock was $16.57 before the original incident last January and has now plummeted to $4.77. Well done! Not going to lie though, those damned TV’s in every seat will bring me right back to you. Like crack.

You are a driving instructor that enjoys letting 13 and 15 year old girls kick you in the nut sack until you can’t stand the pain. Do you:

A) Swear the girls to secrecy.
B) Realize your married and ask your wife to do the kicking.
C) Give the girls a license despite their horrible driving skills.
D) Go to the cops and complain that one of the girls is harassing your for sex.

David Aston, 32, decided he would roll with option D. What a dumbass. He gets himself repeatedly kicked in the nuts and then he goes to the cops and ends up busting himself. Did he really think that when the cops went to talk to the girl she was going to conveniently forget about the ball kicking episode?

When the cops searched Aston’s computer they found kiddie porn, there’s a shocker. Kiddie porn and a nut kicking fetish, talk about a double whammy. If wife didn’t already have a divorce lawyer on speed dial I will bet big money that she does now.

Original Story: The Sun

You have been drinking beer and playing poker with the boys when all of a sudden you get back itch that just won’t quit. Do you:

A) Ask your poker buddy to scratch it.
B) Start rubbing your back on the nearest available fixed object like a bear in heat.
C) Walk into the other room and use your revolver to scratch it.

Jorge Espinal, 44, chose option C.

“He told officers he had an itch on his back and grabbed the first thing he could get a hold of, which was a revolver,” Lt. Dean said. “The gun went off.”

No shit the gun went off. They have this piece called a trigger and when depressed it tends to make them do that. When Espinal when back into the room to tell his poker buddies that he had just busted a cap in his own ass they didn’t believe him until they saw the blood running down his back. How do guys playing poker in the other room not hear a fucking gunshot? Did they think that Espinal just went into the other room to light off a few cherry bombs?

Original Story: WFAA

If you’ve ever run around outside on wet grass, you know it’s a slippery son of a bitch. This guy forgot his cleats.

Animal asshole tattoo #4! I can’t believe I found another one! I didn’t think anything was going to beat the monkey spreading his ass cheeks but I think this guy might have just grabbed the title. A cow’s ass with flies buzzing around!? Unbelievable. What convinces these douche bags that this is a good idea? I think that there has got to be a least a case of Natural Light Ice involved.

What is going on with this guy’s belly button? It looks like it just gave birth to a calf.

Just when you thought 2-girls-1-cup-mania had finally died down and gone away some douche bag goes out and gets a tattoo that just brings it right back. I have seen some ridiculous tattoos in my day (most of which I have posted here) but this is definitely the most ridiculous shit I have ever seen. What kind of reason can this chucklehead come up with to explain to his kids (maybe this tattoo should be grounds for sterilization) why he has a tattoo of a girl shitting into a cup that another girl is holding?

It looks like he got the tattoo on the back of his leg. I hope this ass clown lives in a cold weather climate where he can where jeans all the time. He is never going to be able to pick up a chick while wearing shorts again. I would love to see the reactions when he shows this thing off at the next family BBQ. Mom and Dad are going to be so proud.

NOTE: Click on the blurred image to see the uncensored version in all its glory but be warned that it is literally a tattoo of two naked chicks, one of which is shitting into a cup. If you are at work build up some monitor blockage as necessary.

via Tons Of Tattoos

Sure students in Florida think that a shot of Mountain Dew will stop pregnancy, bleach can prevent HIV and every week there is a new story about a hot teacher banging a student but that is all small potatoes. There is a new scourge running amok in Florida schools and district officials are looking to put an end to it fast. What is this scourge you ask? Only one of the most feared things in all the land, Wizardry! Fear not, because district officials have already fired the substitute teacher wizard responsible for trying to taint the minds of middle schoolers with his evil spells and shenanigans.

Jim “Gandalf” Piculas was called into the supervisor of substitute teachers office and told he had been accused of Wizardy after he performed a magic trick where he made a toothpick disappear and then reappear. Alright, this is so ridiculous I can’t even keep up my charade of mock horror. I don’t know what is more shocking. That a supposedly educated man would, with a straight face, accuse another man of Wizardry or that this ass clown holds a position of power in a school district and is in some way responsible for educating youth. Palming a toothpick makes you a wizard? If this supervisor of substitute teachers went to see David Copperfield his fucking head would probably explode.

Original Story: Tampa Bay 10

A teacher in Florida (yes, I guess they are still crazy) is arguing that she was wrongly fired by the St. Lucie County School District because of an inappropriate “afterschool” job. It wasn’t just any job though, she was hired as a Bikini-wearing hot chick that walks around the boat on charter fishing expeditions. According to the Company’s website: “Can you think of two things that go together better then beautiful women and fishing?”

I can think of a few things, but do admit that it sounds pretty awesome. Anyway, back to the point. Clearly this probably isn’t the best thing to do for those teaching our youth (Biology of all subjects). But nonetheless, I ask again, where were all these teachers when I was a kid? I swear to god, if you didn’t have glasses and one of those real tight perms, you weren’t a female teacher in my school district. Now there are all these ex scandals and buxom blond bikini teachers running around. I need to pull an Adam Sandler and get back in the classroom.

More ridiculousness from the story:

1) The teachers defense of her bikini girl status was: “You don’t wear jeans or slacks to go fishing”

2) The charter boat Company was called “Smokin’ Em Charters” and was recently kicked out of the marina for violating the city’s family-friendly atmosphere

3) School officials say she was canned for missing more than 30 days of school this year, with two written reprimands for the absences - and didn’t even know about her second job until she complained

Well done Florida, well done.

Source: WorldNetDaily

A few interesting events played out last week in the sports world among the very top athletes. Let’s do a run down.

Roger Clemens is officially a basketcase
We all know that steriods thing was going down, but that is old news and nothing abnormal anymore in baseball. Unfortunately for Clemens , he has so adamantly denied the Mitchell Report and his former trainer that the media has decided to “have their way” with him. First, apparently he was hooking it with Country Singer Mindy McCready when she was 15 (and for the decade that followed). Now, it turns out he was also tagging large and in charge golfer John Daly’s ex-wife. When asked about this Ms. Daly said: “You know what, I’m really uncomfortable talking about this….I know Roger. I consider him a good friend. That’s all I’m comfortable saying.” Can you say GUILTY??? Given that Roger’s wife can probably whoop his ass this is especially surprising.

Marvin Harrison shoots someone
So if you had to pick one and only one person in the entire NFL that would make you say to yourself, “man, I bet that guy would never shoot anybody”, i bet most people would pick Marvin Harrison. Well, pick again folks. According to ESPN, “the alleged victim came into (Marvin’s) bar, Playmakers, around 5 p.m. and engaged in an argument with Harrison, who was at the bar. The victim then left the bar, heading to his car, with Harrison following. Gunfire broke out, the victim was hit in the hand”. Time to trade him to the Cincinnati Bengals….

Ronaldo hangs out with transvestites
While resting his injured knee quietly at home, the AC Milan star decided to contract the services of three transvestites and take them to a motel. Rumor has it he thought they were females, but who am I to judge. The police’s response, “(Ronaldo) just wanted to have fun and meet some other people outside his usual environment, there is no crime at all….he just wanted to have some fun and for the press not to be informed about this”. Yes, I would suspect that he wouldn’t want the press to be informed of his hooker escapades whether or not they were actually men. Hope that knee is feeling better!

Apparently the airhorn is good for more than wake up pranks and tee block humor. This guy wets his pants on a gap jump.

“I just got out of jail. I’m trying to have fun and whoop some ass.”

Fuck yeah! Why not celebrate your recent release from jail by whacking a bicyclist in the back of the head with a 32″ ice scraper? Kevin Diaz, 19, and his buddies were cruising the mean streets of Madison, WI in an SUV when they decided to start heckling a random bicyclist on the side of the road. Kevin hopped out of the SUV and whacked the guy in the back of the head with an ice scraper. When the bicyclist asked Kevin why he had hit him Kevin dropped the above gem. The three friends tried to chase the bicyclist on foot as he rode away (because chasing a bicyclist in a car is a ridiculous idea) but gave up after they found out a bicyclist travels faster then they can run.

The bicyclist was able to give the cops a good description of the SUV and all three dipshits were arrested a short time later.

Original Story: Madison.com

For all of you that are under the legal drinking age of 21 let me pass on this little nugget of wisdom. If you a pissing along the side of the road and a cop stops to ask you what you are doing admitting that you “just drank a bunch of beers” is not the best response.

So, how does an under age kid dumb enough to admit that he just drank a bunch of beers totally redeem himself by busting out this excuse for his slurred speech?

“his dentist advised him his mouth was too big for his tongue,“

The kid really dicked up a gem of an excuse. That is one of the those excuses that sounds so ridiculous that it would probably work. He already copped to drinking the beers so there is no reason to try an justify the slurred speech. Now had he admitted to drinking a bunch of Gatorade and then dropped the dentist excuse he might have avoided getting arrested on suspicion of drinking under age.

Original Story: Kitsap Sun