My boy Baba told you plenty about his feelings of the great magician David Blaine last week. Let’s see, Mr Blaine has buried himself alive, frozen himself in a giant ice block (and couldn’t walk for a month afterwards), stood on top of a giant pillar for a while (getting a concussion when he fell off), and did a bunch of other stupid shit.
Well, not to be outdone by himself, Blaine has decided to partake in a dual publicity stunt with our favorite street fighter turned shitty MMA fighter Kimbo Slice. What’s the stunt you ask? Allowing Kimbo to hit him as hard as he can. Oh, and then he lets someone shoot him in the mouth….
My Seattle Seahawks have a bye this week, so I really have no vested interest with the NFL games on television right now. Usually the Hawks game is the one thing I have blocked out on my Sunday calendar, but along with the NFL season starting a couple weeks back, so did new episodes of HBO’s “Entourage.”
The fifth season was delayed thanks to the writer’s strike, but it’s good to finally have the gang back together: Vince, E, Drame, Turtle, and, of course, Ari. The first three episodes have been great and I’m almost giddy for the episode tonight! Especially after last week’s episode when [spoiler alert] Ari bitched slapped Adam Davies. So good, check out the video below and tune-in tonight!
I’m not a love guru but if you ask a woman to marry you and she responds by slapping, punching, scratching and then throwing knives at you I think you can safely assume two things. One, your potential bride is batshit crazy. Two, her answer is most likely no.
Bruce Montle had to call the cops to come rescue his ass after he proposed marriage to Celeste Lagrant (pictured right) and she responded with aggravated domestic battery.
I just hope Bruce was smart enough to put all his worldly possessions in a box and get the hell out of the house before this crazy lady made bail and the cops released her.
First Shaq wins a ring without Kobe. Then Kobe gets embarrassed in the NBA finals. Now Shaq is calling out Kobe in his latest rap. This past Sunday, Shaq was freestyling at an NYC club and decided he had a few thoughts for Kobe.
Thought number 1: “Last week, Kobe couldn’t do it without me”
Thought number 2: “That’s the difference between first and last place. Kobe, how my ass taste?”
Thought number 3: “I’m a horse. Kobe ratted me out, that’s why I’m getting a divorce”
Two things to note. One, Kobe proved last week that he is certainly no Michael Jordan. And two, Shaq needs to not rap anymore. Ever. I’m serious. And he did get knocked out in the first round this year, so not sure it’s the best time to be starting the next big rap feud. Clearly Soulja Boy and Ice-T have staked claim on the lamest rap feud of 2008 already anyway.
This video is definitely an instant classic. I wish more offices were this fun, I mean everything is more fun with Nerf. The closest I’ve ever been to an “Office War” is the occasional paper ball tossed over the cube wall or drive-by rubberband shooting. This seems fitting for a Friday as well.
Saturday night ultimate fighting or mixed-martial arts (MMA) finally got the spotlight on primetime non-cable television with the Elite XC (Xtreme Combat) Saturday Night Fights on CBS. With a fight card featuring five matches, including a female bout, and our favorite Gus Johnson handling the commentator duties, there was definitely a lot of hype surrounding the night.
Although the night started out with only about two minutes of actual fighting in the first hour, the final three fights lived up to the hype. The women’s match between Gina Carano and Kaitlin Young might have been the best girl-fight I’ve ever seen, the fight was called when Young’s left eye swelled up to the size of a hot-air balloon between the second and third rounds, giving Carano the victory. Carano, known as the face of female fighting, is pretty darn good looking for someone who gets punched in the face for a living - also of note, Carano is “Crush” on American Gladiators. I’m sure we’ll be seeing her as a Monday Morning Pick Me Up soon.
Robbie Lawyer and Scott Smith had an epic battle, which unfortunately ended after an accidental eye gouge in the third round left Smith with impaired vision. Watching the slow-mo replay, I almost went blind too.
In the main event, Kimbo Slice (a.k.a. Kevin Ferguson) went up against James “Colossus” Thompson - the “Colossus” nickname I assume comes from the colossus cauliflower ear that protrudes on the left side of his head, it’s so big I’m surprised he can stand up straight. Kimbo is known from just being a brute street fighter who is essentially a YouTube phenomenon because of this fight. People knock Kimbo for being an amateur MMA fighter who is untrained and relies on his raw fighting style. My roommate continued to be frustrated with Kimbo’s inability to execute moves/holds throughout the whole fight and expected Kimbo to not even last past the first round.
The highlight of the fight for me was when Thompson was attempting to choke-out Kimbo, the ref was asking if Kimbo wanted to tap out, instead Kimbo gave him the thumbs up and continued to fight on. In the third round, Kimbo put together a series of punches that knocked Thompson into a drunken stagger resulting in the ref to step-in and end the fight.
Overall it was a good night for the sport. Although it still has its critics, with the growth of the sport, the hype and popularity surrounding it, we’ll surely see more of these events in the primetime spotlight.
Check out the videos of the fights online - MMA TKO is a good source.
Another weekend, another night on the town. No surprise. If you remember from v1 of this series (A Bar Hopping 20-Something), weekends are exclusively reserved for bar activity with the guys. Anyways, I like to call this episode “Girl Fight”.
It started out as a pretty standard night for myself, T Miz and the rest of the gang. We decided to go out to a higher-end area in order to appease the guys who think they are too good for the old neighborhood bars of their early 20’s. And of course by “higher-end”, I mean the drinks are twice the price and the girls are twice as bitchy. Nonetheless, there is something about the nicer weather that seems to make these aspects more manageable. It was turning into a big night and even some late-nighters (these are the guys that don’t even consider leaving their house until 11pm. I mean what the hell are they doing this whole time? And on top of that, they always show up alone. Weird.) rolled in around 11:30.
T Miz and some others did the usual dance routine, while I hung out at the bar for most of the night - and at about 1am we decided to call it. Post leaving the bar and pre deciding between a taxi and the nearest hot dog stand, T Miz eyed himself a beauty at the neighboring bar. He was well on his way to drunk and quickly ditched us to go after her. Myself and the remaining others were a few steps behind T Miz and as we joined him it became clear the beauty was no such thing. Not deterred by such nonsense though, T Miz was giving her the supermodel treatment and convinced us to go into the new bar and join the “beauty”. Most departed at this point, but of course I joined. I had been trained since the age of 21 to never leave a lone man behind in the field (especially if he is slated to cover half the cab fare home).
As it turned out, the “beauty” had a friend. Unfortunately, she was a terrible, miserable human being who had a severe distaste for other people. Never a good sign. I was stuck at that point though and the “beauty” was quickly proving her comedic worth via drunkeness. The better part of the red concoction in her hand ended up on herself and T Miz. He still wasn’t phased.
Your last chance to rank some skanks females is NOW!
The games begin tomorrow at 6:50am. The first battle is Victoria’s Secret supermodel Alessandra Ambrosia vs ESPN Sportscaster Erin Andrews.
My Pick: Ambrosia all the way. She is one of the highest paid models in the world for a reason. There is no way she loses this. Consider this a gimme and go fill out your bracket at KJR.
Join our league by clicking on the Office Pools tab and enter:
Pool Name: TastyBooze.com
Password: tastybooze
Other brawls tomorrow include:
7:50am Rihanna vs Allison Stokke
My Pick: Stokke. Rihanna will probably win, but I can’t dis my girl.
8:50am Kate Hudson vs Kate Beckinsdale
My Pick: This is one of the harder ones in the game, I went with Hudson because Beckinsdale seems like a cold fish.
9:50am Elin Nordegren vs Gabriell Union
My Pick: Another gimme. Nordegren (AKA Tiger Wood’s wife) is hot as shit and going at least to the final four. She once was nanny, has a twin sister, and likes golf. Hello honey.
Yes, you read that correctly. Seems that a guy in New Zealand decided to toss a hedgehog at someone in a fight. Seriously, you couldn’t find a rock or something? At least throw one of the bazillion sheep they got down there. That could do some damage at least.
A police department spokesperson said, “People often get charged with assault for throwing things at other people,” though the weapon was admittedly a little uncommon. That’s like arresting OJ and saying, “Hey, people commit murder all the time, although a world class athlete/famous actor doing it is a little uncommon.”
The guy now faces up to 5 years in prison and up to 2 weeks of late night punchlines.
The new sky marshals are rugby players, at least in Australia. On a recent flight from Sydney to Perth a couple of South African rugby players assisted the flight crew by bitch slapping a drunk passenger that was getting too obnoxious. Personally, I wish this would happen more often on airplanes. In particular, my recent flight to New York would have been much more enjoyable if someone would have accosted the two girls seated behind me who had an obnoxiously loud, nonsensical conversation about a dress and bathroom decor for the entire flight.
My favorite part is when one mascot loses his head but he takes the time to put the mascot head back on before continuing battle.
The scuffle apparently started as a dance contest between the mascots during a first-half timeout in the ORU-IUPUI championship game, but escalated into a shoving match with the mascots trying to wrestle and slam one another to the floor at the Union Multipurpose Activity Center.
This seems so preposterous that you might be inclined to believe it’s made up, but I assure you it’s not. Seems that there was a “general” in Liberia during one of their many civil wars who (he claims) was possessed by the devil for 20-odd years, during which time, he led his small army in the killing of 20,000 people, many if not most of whom, were innocent civilians.
Atrocious stuff, but that’s not what makes this guy so ri-goddamn-diculous. His given name is Joshua Blahyi, but he gained the name “General Butt Naked” by going into battle…wait for it…naked, save for a gun and some shoes. He convinced his entire army to do this! Although some of them opted to wear women’s clothes (?!?!) instead.
Here is a segment from his autobiography, and again, I have to stress that as horrible and crazy as this sounds, I am not making any of it up.
“So, before leading my troops into battle, we would get drunk and drugged up, sacrifice a local teenager, drink their blood, then strip down to our shoes and go into battle wearing colourful wigs and carrying dainty purses we’d looted from civilians. We’d slaughter anyone we saw, chop their heads off and use them as soccer balls. We were nude, fearless, drunk and homicidal. We killed hundreds of people — so many I lost count.”
dainty purses? what the fuck? for more info on this crazy evil bastard, HEREis the wikipedia entry.
Despite all that’s said and written about R. Kelly in the news, he does make some good music. Apparently he wanted to bring his music straight to the people via YouTube for his “Real Talk” music video. The payoff takes a while, but wait for it… wait for it… R. Kelly gets into a verbal fight over the phone, then his friends get into it… now that’s keeping it real!
