All you wanted to do was go to Hooters, kick back, enjoy some wings with the guys and check out the eye candy - then you get stuck with this waitress. Awkward. Hooters wasn’t messing around when they said they were a family restaurant huh? Remember, tip her well, she’s working for two now.

This picture was found on DListed, as part of their caption contest. The winning caption:

“Uh Lori, one of your implants slipped again.”

There are a billion people over in China who aren’t nearly as fat as us Americans and McDonalds is looking to capitalize. The fast food chain has recently released a new slogan in China to coincide with the Beijing Olympics, “Wo jiu xihuan Zhongguo ying,” Yeah I know it’s catchy, but last time I checked MacDs was a U.S. based company. How can the cock-knockers that run McDonalds just blatantly sell out the athletes from the country their business is founded in? Oh wait, you don’t read Chinese? Yeah I’m just fucking with you, I can’t read it either. Loosely translated the slogan reads, “I love it when China wins.”

So basically in an effort to slang a few more happy meals and quarter pounders McDonalds is rooting for the host country to win. I am not saying that they should be hanging “Go U.S.A.” banners in their Chinese stores but the out right support is a little ridiculous.

Original Story: Sports by Brooks

Yep, that is exactly what it looks like. A bacon cheeseburger with a Krispy Kreme bun. Just when you thought America couldn’t get any fatter some genius pulls this out of his ass. If you pounded down two of these bad boys in one sitting I bet you would have a strong to very strong tingle in your left arm.

Flickr Stream

We here at TastyBooze do our best to toe the line of maturity. Making sure to always take the high road, we often ignore the cheap joke in favor of serious writing and pleasant satire. However, when recently reading the erudite BBC news we came across this little known culinary delight, the faggot. Now, we could make the obvious immature joke (ed. Know how I know you’re gay? Because you eat faggots!), but instead we wish to inform you of this delightful dish.

The faggot is like a pork dumpling similar to a meatball. Sometimes a regional dish, Fred Doody remarked, “The great British faggot is full of flavour and a great belly warmer at this time of year.”

Fred and the rest of the Doody’s are the newest champions of the faggot. On a crusade to promote the faggot all throughout the homeland, and soon throughout the colonies as well, the Doody’s are a family of four and eat faggots a couple times a week.

Winning a statewide competition organized by “faggot producer Mr. Brain’s Faggots,” the Doody’s were deemed to be the best possible spokespeople in all of England.

When young Lewis, the Doody’s 14-year-old son, was asked what he thought about being a spokesperson for faggots he replied, “I can’t wait for school to start again so I can tell all my friends about the great taste. My friends will love faggots!”

Original story: BBC News

Thanks to Frank the Tank for the tip.

I have been sitting on this picture for almost two weeks trying to think of something clever or witty to write about it. After two weeks I am at a complete and utter loss. Why would someone get a tattoo of two vegetables fucking? And why for god’s sake would this person go with corn and broccoli? I guess corn has kind of a general phallic shape but how does this person end up with broccoli? Is it some kind of weird depiction of nicknames?

I do love the motion lines and gigantic sweat drops. Just in case you weren’t sure what these two veggies were doing those details really bring the whole thing home.

If this is the result of some kind of drunken dare then the drunk friend that came up with corn-fucking-broccoli is an evil genius. I wish I could get this person’s email address just so I could ask them for the story behind the tattoo.

All right, fuckos. It’s time to come clean.

Don’t even pretend like you don’t know what this is about, because I deserve a little more goddamn respect than that. I go to all the trouble of giving you delicious, healthy, butter- flavored spreads so your family can come together for once in your miserable lives and smile and laugh and sit around a picnic basket full of blueberry muffins, and you pull this shit? Did you honestly think I wouldn’t find out? Well, Q1 earnings are in, and apparently one of you 42.7 million Country Crock–consuming motherfuckers decided it was high time to jump ship.

You’ve just made the biggest mistake of your life.

Check out the rest of the rant here.

Do you love the taste of bacon? Of course you do, who the fuck doesn’t? Is the two minutes it takes for your Sonicare to run too long to go without the sweet taste of bacon? Now you can improve your oral hygiene while enjoying the delicious taste of fresh crispy bacon. Fuck cinnamon or mint. Those are sissy flavors. Slap down $4.95 and get floss fit for a real man.

Product Page: Archie McPhee via Boing Boing Gadgets

By now the shock value is probably gone, everyone should know the phenomenon of 2 Girls 1 Cup (don’t worry, that just links to our other posts on the subject). You’ve probably either been forced into watching the video or have a friend verbally describe the ordeal in detail. Well, 2 Girls 1 Cup has taken the next step - enshrined in cake form. Yes, someone actually requested this as their birthday cake. Happy Birthday? I feel sorry for whoever got the corner piece.

Original photo: Flickr user pinguino

What do you think of when you look at this picture of Rachael Ray? Are you thinking, “She’s pretty hot when I don’t have to hear her yapping” or “What a lovely idea, walking through cherry blossoms and enjoying an iced coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts.” Well, some people have gone a totally abstract way and thought this online advertisement promoted terrorism. Yeah, the third option was, “It looks like someone Photoshopped Rachael Ray into one of Osama Bin Laden’s videos and stuck a Dunkin’ Donuts iced coffee in her hands!”

Dunkin’ Donuts received complaints that the “fringed black-and-white scarf that the celebrity chef wore in the ad offers symbolic support for Muslim extremism and terrorism.” In response, the folks at police officer’s favorite hangouts decided to pull the ad stating, “the possibility of misperception detracted from its original intention to promote our iced coffee.” I personally think they do a better job of promoting cherry blossoms, but that’s just me.

This is obviously a lesson learned for the food guru - be careful how you choose your accessories. I would also like to point out how this article highlights three items from Stuff White People Like: #97 Scarves, #1 Coffee and #101 Being Offended.

Original Story: MSNBC.com

Apparently those Weight Watchers meals that Kirstie Alley is always hocking must not be that satisfying. Kelly Barber was caught shoplifiting cupcakes and a few other things after demonstrating Weight Watchers products at a local grocery store in Port St. Lucie, Florida. Really, no shit? Florida, I would have never guessed.

A loss prevention official (Read: the rent-a-cop that helps collect the baskets at the checkstands because he is so bored) reported that he saw Barber place the cupcakes, a book and some teeth whitening strips into a blue bin and then leave the store. Sounds like Kelly was probably looking for a sugar buzz after a long day of trying to convince people to buy shitty Weight Watchers frozen meals.

“When questioned, Kelly explained she just wanted to whiten her teeth and stated it was stupid she stole the items as she had never done this before,” the report states. “Kelly did not have an explanation for all the other items.”

Really, no explanation for the cupcakes? Was it stupid because she got caught or was it stupid because she got caught stealing junk food after trying to sell people diet food? Maybe if she had been trying to steal some delicious Florida oranges it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.

Original Story: TC Palm

If you are looking for a new recipe “…that will make his wife give him some head” then Coolio has got the recipe for you. Coolio takes Jared under his wing and teaches him to make Tricked Out Westside Tilapia. I have got to admit it looks pretty good. My favorite part of the video is when Coolio is telling Jared to mix up the ingredients and says, “Knead it like your wife’s butthole.” If that last line wasn’t enough of a clue this video has some NSFW language so put on your headphones or close your office door.

Thanks to Gary for the link.

I don’t think there is a meat eater on the planet that doesn’t like bacon and I think that every vegetarian still secretly craves bacon while they are gnawing on their vegetarian scramble. It only makes sense to combine this delicious pork product with man’s favorite vice, booze. What could be better than something that tastes like delicious bacon and lets you catch a buzz? You aren’t going to find this tasty libation at your local booze mart. It is going to take a few basic supplies, a little patience and some home brewing. You can bet your sweet ass I am going to have my own batch marinating before the week is out.

Makes one pint
1) Fry up three strips of bacon
2) Add cooked bacon to a clean pint sized mason jar. Trim the ends of the bacon if they are too tall to fit in the jar. Or you could go hog wild and just pile in a bunch of fried up bacon scraps.
3) Optional: add crushed black peppercorns.
4) Fill the jar up with vodka. Cap and place in a dark cupboard for at least three weeks.(No need to refrigerate)
5) At the end of the three week resting period, place the bacon vodka in the freezer to solidify the fats. Strain out the fats through a coffee filter to yield a clear filtered pale yellow bacon vodka.
6) Decant into decorative bottles and enjoy.

via YesButNoButYes

Notice anything off about this restaurant bill? Check out that item that they aren’t being charged for.

Ten friends that went out to dinner at Joe Delucci’s Italian restaurant in Bird Street, Lichfield, Staffordshire and this is the bill they received. This is my favorite part of the story:

Joe Delucci’s owner Mr Langsdon said the message had been meant to be seen only by kitchen staff and he did not know how it ended up as an item on the receipt.

The owner doesn’t even care that someone added it to the bill. He is just pissed that he had a technical glitch that allowed it to be printed somewhere other than the kitchen.

Original Story: BBC

Blame bad marketing for missing out on some free grub. Apparently yesterday, Feb. 12, was National Pancake Day!

The International House of Pancakes, a.k.a. IHOP, had a special celebration for the day… between 7 a.m. and 10 p.m. you could have received a free short stack of pancakes (three) for free! Of course, there was a request for donations to be made to the Children’s Miracle Network as part of the promotion, but that is a small price to pay for some free pancakes!

Checking the IHOP web site this morning, I noticed that they fell a little shy of their fundraising goal. Shame on you, IHOP. There is no excuse for this!

These are Chinese menus with hilarious examples of mistranslated or just pain weird English.

Check out the first dish on the menu to the right.

Yummy!

I just wanted to eat the cow, but whatever…

If you find this kind of stuff as funny as I do, check out engrish.com for more such funny business.