Ok. Picture the scene. It’s me. It’s me in my local buffet style lunch establishment. It’s me just passing the delicious looking chicken section and coming across the following:
“This delicious couscous will really fill you up =)”
Hmmmm. Theories? Disgruntled employee…horny waitress…14 year old customer? I don’t know. But for some reason I want to know more than almost anything. So if I had some, does that mean I have to question my sexuality? Certainly not admitting I did (not that their is anything wrong with that), but come on, how can you have a stewy looking chicken thing without some of that cous son???
We have referenced this before and before that. I cannot describe how awesome these shorts are. So please bow to the funny that is Drunk History, Volume 3.
This is an old cover of the awesome Dresden Dolls song “Coin Operated Boy.” This song is clever because it replaces beer with coin. Ok, it’s actually fairly clever, but could use a little more action (something like this) than a slide show of pictures. Apparently this cover has been around for awhile, however, it’s new to me so suck on that. Enjoy.
Even though Microsoft has given Gates so much, and will probably continue to go about its ways by ruling the software industry with an iron fist, wouldn’t it be funny to see Gates go out with a nice “Fuck You” to his fellow Microsofties? I’m not talking about a debilitating software crisis like Y2K, but maybe just some small inconvenience virus. Just something that’s going to remind everyone who’s top dog. Like every time someone types “B” it auto-fills with “Bill” and “G” auto-fills with “Gates.” You gates the idea.
We will always remember, and thank, Gates for giving us the headache that is PowerPoint. I hate that damn program!
Check out Lupe Fiasco’s “Outty 5000” from the Revenge of the Nerds Mixtape.
It may start with a couple of dudes skating in a park, but then you her a douchebag in his Mercedes almost hit an old lady crossing the street. Sure she’s on her last legs and probably sleeping while standing up, but have a little patience dude. I’m sure we’ve all been slowed down by the elderly in our lives, no reason to blast your horn repeatedly at this sweet old lady though. This guy gets my vote for Douchebag of the Week.
Take everything with a grain of salt today, it’s April Fools. Luckily, I was already on the up-and-up after a lame attempt at an April Fools joke this morning with my roommate. So when I logged into my GMail account and noticed a new feature, I was immediately skeptical.
GMail is promoting this this called “GMail Custom Time.” It allows people to back-date their e-mails, so if you forgot to send an important message (say to wish someone a happy birthday or remind that girl you hooked up with over the weekend to pop the morning after pill), GMail is here to save the day. Unfortunately for all of you who think this is a good idea, it is, of course, an April Fools joke.
If you start to read into the information about the service and testimonials, I really hope it becomes apparent to all:
How does it work?
Gmail utilizes an e-flux capacitor to resolve issues of causality.
How come I only get ten?
Our researchers have concluded that allowing each person more than ten pre-dated emails per year would cause people to lose faith in the accuracy of time, thus rendering the feature useless.
The e-flux capacitor should have been the red flag that just slapped you across the face. So beware, watch your back and remember to take precaution today, it’s April Fools.
A Pennsylvania man who decided to add a little spice to the check he used to pay a $5 parking ticket has been forced to apologize. Seems that David Binner, 45, was a little upset when he wrote the check, and decided to drop a couple F-bombs in the memo line of his check.
He was cited for obscene and disorderly conduct, since technically the F-word is considered not just obscene, but lewd and sexual in nature when directed toward someone in a note. After an apology was issued, the charges were dropped.
First, we all know how much fun the memo line is. Nothing is better than paying a buddy the $20 you owe him with a check, and writing “anal massage” in the memo line. Pure gold.
Secondly, as long as the guy didn’t make any specific threats, I think he should have been allowed to say what he wanted. He paid his debt to society, why not? After a year in jail, a criminal walking out of the gates should be allowed to say, “Fuck this place. I’m free, bitches!” He paid his debt, he’s allowed. Mr. Binner paid his debt, he should be allowed to swear away!
This has to be one of the funniest 30 seconds of The Office I’ve ever seen. The Deposition episode was great. Can’t wait for next season, and for this writers strike to be over.
This is another, more crude version of the popular Aristocrats joke. As it is told by Cartman, you can imagine there’s a good amount of inappropriate language. Plug in your headphones if you’re listening to this at work, or even around friends who may be easily offended.
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Mary led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “my sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”
“Very good,” said the teacher.
Little Sally was next: “I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events.”
“Very good, Sally,” said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said.
“$2,467,” cried the teacher, “what in the world were you selling?”
“Tooth brushes,” said Little Johnny. “Tooth brushes,” echoed the teacher, “how could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”
“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny. “I set up a Chip and Dip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing.
‘Hey, this tastes like shit!’ Then I would say, “It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?”
This is one of those stories that is almost to good to be true.
The man, who regularly banks with Chase, stopped by the branch at 200 S. Dirksen Parkway about 11:15 a.m., picked up a blank withdrawal slip from a kiosk, filled it out and went to the counter, where he handed the slip to the teller.
What he didn’t realize was that someone — possibly a practical joker — had scribbled, “This is a stickup,” on the back of the withdrawal slip he picked up.
The teller, who has been the victim of two bank robberies, decided not to take any chances and activated the holdup alarm, then stalled the man.Police descended on the bank parking lot and waited for the man to emerge from the building. Inside, he waited patiently for the teller to finish his transaction so he could leave.
I love the “possibly a practical joker” line. Really? You think? No that guy with the ski mask on got cold feet after he wrote the note and just put the deposit slip back and then left the bank. I have to admit that is a funny ass joke. I wish there was some way I could pull that on one of my friends. Possbile Tastybooze original video?
But to make things even better the poor unsuspecting son of a bitch has to hand the slip to the one teller that has been the victim of two bank robberies? How many tellers working in banks have been victims of multiple robberies? I am thinking after the first one you are probably looking for a new line of work. Keep in mind this is Springfield, IL. Not exactly a hot bed of criminal activity.
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was at the beginning of my pre-shot routine, visualising my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the loudspeaker.
“Would the gentleman on the women’s tee back up to the men’s tee please!”
I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.
Again the announcement,
“Would the gentleman on the women’s tee kindly back up to the men’s tee!”
I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled:
“WOULD THE MAN ON THE WOMEN’S TEE PLEASE BACK UP TO THE MEN’S TEE!!”
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the microphone and shouted back, “WOULD THE IDIOT IN THE CLUBHOUSE KINDLY SHUT UP AND LET ME PLAY MY SECOND SHOT!”
