A man dressed in drag (Yep, that’s him below) climbed through the driver thru window of a Burger King and held up the store at gunpoint. Once the gunman collected all the cash he climbed back out the driver thru window and drove away. Cross dressing and climbing through the drive thru? This guy gets bonus points for creativity. The local cops are trying to track the guy down and they have made this brilliant deduction.

Robertson said the thief is probably a genuine cross-dresser because his necklace matched the dress, his nails appeared to be painted and the wig was well made. “Most of the time when somebody puts on a wig they’re just trying to hide their identity by putting on something like a Halloween Mask, but he’s pretty,” Robertson said.

That’s some damn fine detective work, Howard.

Original Story: WDSU.com

In this day and age we are all constantly mulitasking. Sometimes it works to our advantage, other times it rears up and bites us in the ass. This one definitely falls in the ass biting category. I am not exactly sure what Grace Won was thinking/doing when she wrote this headline but she might want to clear the browser history on her machine.

SATA hard dick drive cradle via Gizmodo

Old and busted: Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son. –Dean Vernon Wormer, Animal House

New hotness: Holtz had told Michael Robert Dickey of Farmington Hills that it would be cheaper, faster and less painful for the people who cared about him if he took his own life.

A Michigan Judge dropped that bit of wisdom on Michael Dickey, 20, who was in court on a third charge involving alcohol the most recent being an MIP. Jesus Holtz, I am all for the tough love/teach them a lesson bullshit, but maybe the kid is just having a run of bad luck.

Original Story: Fox News

Lofa Tatupu made a poor decision when he decided to drink and drive. He made a worse decision when he was deciding what to drive. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Remember two years ago when the video of R. Kelly allegedly having sex with a minor was leaked? Well, they are just now getting around to actually having a trial and trying to find jurors for said trial. Apparently finding jurors for a trial against a celebrity on kiddie porn charges is difficult. Here are some of the better excuses potential jurors have come with with, counting down.

5) I’ll change my vacation plans.
4) I have a teenage daughter.
3) R. Kelly is a musical genius.
2) I would change the age of consent.
1) R. Kelly may have led the Taliban in attacking us on 9-11, but you can’t prove it.

While the first four in the list are general abbreviations of excuses given number 1 on the list is a direct quote given by one of the potential jurors. I have to say that it is a slice of genius. I haven’t been summoned to jury duty yet but I know my days are numbered. I am going to store this excuse in my back pocket until that time comes. “I don’t know if I can be fair about these shoplifiting charges, your honor. This teenager could have been involved in the 9-11 plot.”

Original Story: Chicago Tribune

Julie Landry, 46, was arrested on cruelty to a juvenile charges after it was reported that she made a student unclog a toilet with his hands. Trevor Williams, 7, reportedly used a few to many shit tickets and clogged up the toilet. When Landry found out about it she told Trevor that he had to go unplug the toilet and if he did it again she would make “him pull it out with his teeth.” Landry then forced Trevor to unclog the toilet with his bare hands.

I am sure most people find this story disgusting. Due to a shared life experience known as being fraternity brothers in the WSU greek system Honcho, Yerzimbeck, and I have a slightly different take on this story. Our email exchange is below.

Mitch Martin to Hank Yerzimbeck, Mike Honcho
Sent 5/14/08 1:29 p.m.
Subject: Check out this story

http://www.wxix.com/Global/story.asp?S=8316747

At least the kids classmates didn’t keep using the toilet before he had to clean it out.

Mike Honcho to Hank Yerzimbeck, Mitch Martin
Sent 5/14/08 1:34 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story

Used too much toilet paper? Right. Either it was the greasiest shit ever, or this guy (7 year old) takes monster dumps.

Would have sucked to have to unclog it with his teeth…bobbing for turds?

Hank Yerzimbeck to Mike Honcho, Mitch Martin
Sent 5/14/08 3:18 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story

I don’t see why you’d get fired for something like this. Maybe it’s just that living in a frat really changes your perspective on things like pulling poop out of a toilet and sliding on your stomach butt naked on a floor covered with beer and piss

Mitch Martin to Hank Yerzimbeck, Mike Honcho
Sent 5/14/08 3:23 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story

Yeah it really desensitizes you to the whole “handling human feces” thing.

Of course to be fair the teacher should have at least given him a garbage bag to use as arm protection. That’s just common courtesy.

Hank Yerzimbeck toMitch Martin, Mike Honcho
Sent 5/14/08 3:37 p.m.
Subject: Re: Check out this story

agrizzled

To be fair Lexington also shared this life experience with us but I forgot to include him on the email thread. I know, I’m the asshole.

Do you love drinking 40s, but hate the fact that the end is always warm? You need a 40 cozy, son! A couple of weeks ago we were lucky enough to have a couple of 40 cozies show up at the Tasty Booze test labs. The idea is so simple it’s genius. I have been drinking 40s since before I was legal and the problem has always been that the booze is always warm once you get to the last quarter of the 40. Even if you go the Brass Monkey route you are still going to end up with warm, orange juice flavored malt liquor.

The cozy itself is pretty basic, as it should be. It is made out of your standard neoprene type cozy material with a handle stitched to the side. The bottle slides into the cozy, your hand slides through the handle and then you are ready to get down to business. Let’s be honest, it’s a cozy, not a fucking rubik’s cube.

Last Friday I stopped by the local Safeway and picked up a couple of Bud Heavy 40s so that Honcho and I could give these things a proper run through. I opted for the couture design and Honcho rolled with the bandana model. The cozy fits nice and tight around the 40, and despite the band that runs underneath the bottle, the 40 was stable when you set it down on a table. The handle on the cozy works well and gives you a little extra sense of security when you are holding the big ass bottle. I wouldn’t recommend trying to hold a full 40 by just the handle during normal use, but we tried it. While the handle held, it was pretty hard to keep the 40 under control.

In order to really test the cold retention capabilities of the cozy, Honcho and I decided we needed to slow down our normal drinking pace a little. We fired up the old Rock Band machine and started jamming. I would say it took us about 45 minutes to finish our 40s and both were cool to the last drop. They weren’t refrigerator cold but they were definitely cooler than if we were brown-bagging it.

Bottom line, if you drink 40s on a regular basis do yourself a favor and get a 40 cozy.

Product Page

Jesse Laboiteaux, 18, was trying to sneak into his 15 year old girlfriend’s window for what I can only imagine was a late night rendezvous of some sort. When he made it into the room he found that his girlfriend was not home, but her dad was. As you can imagine, pops wasn’t too keen on an 18 year old crawling into his daughter’s window, and it looks like he expressed those feelings to Jesse by introducing him to his fist. Twice.

Jesse ended up with a couple of black eyes courtesy of pops, along with burglary and assault charges courtesy of the local PD.

First of all, if you are 18 and you are chasing 15 year olds you are begging for trouble. Second, call ahead. Everyone over the age of 11 has a cell phone now. If you are going to try to pull these window shenanigans at least call and make sure the chick is there. What was his plan, wait around until she got home and then surprise her with a chubby?

Original Story: WCPO

What the hell is wrong with this airline? Aren’t they the ones who last year stranded passengers for over a week with delayed flights and made folks sit on planes with no food for 8+ hours on the tarmac waiting for the plane to thaw (which it never did). You would have thought that after that nightmare they would have trained their employees properly. But no.

A New York City man is suing JetBlue Airways Corp. for more than $2 million because he says a pilot made him give up his seat to a flight attendant and sit on the toilet for more than three hours on a flight from California.

Sit on the toilet? I mean that doesn’t sound half bad, it’s like your own little office in there. But come one, the pilot must have known that this was completely against federal safety regulations. What a bunch of morons.

Other highlights:
- The flight attendant was originally sitting in one of the standard flight attendant “jump seats”, but complained it was too uncomfortable for her and got the pilot to move the passenger. Really? This sounds like a man who is seriously whipped And by whipped, I mean he is totally thinking that if he does this he is going to get some flight attendent ass, which of course he isn’t.
- When the passenger said he didn’t want to go sit in the bathroom (totally reasonable I would say), the pilot told him that “he was the pilot, that this was his plane, under his command that the man should be grateful for being on board”.

Let’s see Jet Blue. Your stock was $16.57 before the original incident last January and has now plummeted to $4.77. Well done! Not going to lie though, those damned TV’s in every seat will bring me right back to you. Like crack.

You are a driving instructor that enjoys letting 13 and 15 year old girls kick you in the nut sack until you can’t stand the pain. Do you:

A) Swear the girls to secrecy.
B) Realize your married and ask your wife to do the kicking.
C) Give the girls a license despite their horrible driving skills.
D) Go to the cops and complain that one of the girls is harassing your for sex.

David Aston, 32, decided he would roll with option D. What a dumbass. He gets himself repeatedly kicked in the nuts and then he goes to the cops and ends up busting himself. Did he really think that when the cops went to talk to the girl she was going to conveniently forget about the ball kicking episode?

When the cops searched Aston’s computer they found kiddie porn, there’s a shocker. Kiddie porn and a nut kicking fetish, talk about a double whammy. If wife didn’t already have a divorce lawyer on speed dial I will bet big money that she does now.

Original Story: The Sun

You have been drinking beer and playing poker with the boys when all of a sudden you get back itch that just won’t quit. Do you:

A) Ask your poker buddy to scratch it.
B) Start rubbing your back on the nearest available fixed object like a bear in heat.
C) Walk into the other room and use your revolver to scratch it.

Jorge Espinal, 44, chose option C.

“He told officers he had an itch on his back and grabbed the first thing he could get a hold of, which was a revolver,” Lt. Dean said. “The gun went off.”

No shit the gun went off. They have this piece called a trigger and when depressed it tends to make them do that. When Espinal when back into the room to tell his poker buddies that he had just busted a cap in his own ass they didn’t believe him until they saw the blood running down his back. How do guys playing poker in the other room not hear a fucking gunshot? Did they think that Espinal just went into the other room to light off a few cherry bombs?

Original Story: WFAA

The Teste Touch works just like the ball sack of any man on this planet. It rises and falls based on temperature. If the Teste Touch is looking a little high and tight you can give it a rub and as the temperature increases the balls will drop.

Teste Touch is an interactive installation that mimics the human anatomy. In the same vein as Matthew Barney’s Cremaster series, our installation is based on the natural interaction between the male reproductive organs and their environment. Teste Touch’s hanging scrotum responds to temperature by ascending or descending, highlighting the function of the cremaster muscle. Without a working cremaster muscle, the sperm can easily overheat, killing them and rendering a man sterile.

Hit the Gizmodo link for video of the Teste Touch in action.

Project Page via Gizmodo

In honor of all the mother’s out there (and hopefully they don’t know this site exists), let’s give a shout to 41-year-old Michelle Duggar who is expecting her 18th child in a few months.  Yes, 18th.  The woman has been pregnant for 11 years of her life, with children ranging from 9 months to 20 years.  Holy shit.  Either 1) her husband has super sperm, 2) they really really love sex or 3) there are a lot of milkmen in the area.  After 11 years of pregnancy I just want to know what is holding those chitlens up there.   Actually, scratch that, I do not want to know.

That all being said, the best parts of the story are:

- Please take a guess at the husbands name.  Please.  Think Arkansas, religious, toothless maybe.  Ok, now, what percent of you guessed Jim Bob?  50%?  75% maybe?  Love it.

- And it’s just like good old Jim Bob to pass his name legacy along.  That’s right, all his kids names start with ‘J’.  Some classics include Josiah, Joy-Anna, and Jedidiah.  But the best is of course Jinger.  You may think that’s a Spice Girl, but throw a ‘J’ in there and it’s a whole new name son…

Source: Houston Chronicle

I don’t see what all the fuss was about the dress looks fine to me. Oh. Wait. You mean the girl on the left is the one that got arrested? I guess that makes a little more sense. I thought the girl on the left was headed out to the Player’s Ball.

When Marche Taylor tried to enter the ballroom at the local Marriott where the prom was being held school officials stopped her and told her that her ‘custom’ dress was inappropriate. An argument ensued and eventually someone called the cops who led Marche away in handcuffs. She wasn’t charged and was later released.

I don’t know what surprised me more. The fact that this girl actually thought that was an okay outfit to wear or that this happened somewhere other than Florida.

Hit the link below for news cast video goodness including Marche modeling her dress.

Original Story: TXCN.com

Apparently the fancy ass beer pong table built by the West Virginia University engi-nerds really struck a nerve with Lexington Steele. He tried to hide this rant in the comments of the post but it is the most he has written on the site in months so I had to give it a post of it’s own.

I gotta give some props to these nerds for putting together what appears to be a pretty sweet table. But, let me rain on their parade. These nerds obviously built this thing with the hopes of getting some college pussy. Hence the “Apple Bottom Jeans” song playing. But I failed to see any college sluts playing pong on this. Wait, I didn’t see any fucking pong being played at all. And how the hell are you supposed to play pong in the dark? Did you put LED’s in the friggin cups? No, you didn’t. And since the lights were out, its obvious that you can’t see the LED’s without the lights out. Maybe your professor should have taught you to test your instruments before installing 600 fucking LED’s. So this basically is a pong table built of 2×4’s and plywood with a kick ass paint job, a CD player with sub-grade speakers, and some decent looking ball washers. I bet Mad Mardigan could’ve thrown this son-of-a-bitch together in one weekend. Next time, get a materials engineer on your team, build a collapsible table with some new composite material that will give you a less deviated bounce and will be light weight for transport. That way you can carry the table to where the bitches will be. Its obvious they’re not hanging out in your laboratory. And agreed on the beer. Pong is meant to be played with $14/case domestic beer. Do yourself a favor and actually go buy a case of beer someday. Drinking the stuff is pretty fun and may get you laid.

I agree with Lexington. Everyone knows that T-Pain doesn’t get the job done with the ladies anymore. If you are looking to make panties drop you have to roll with the Kanye.