When someone tells you not to touch the gun, usually it’s a good idea to listen. Especially if it’s your first time handling one. If you don’t listen, chances are you’ll be taught a lesson. Today’s lesson might scare the shit out of you…

Last week the Supreme Court struck down a 30-year old ban on handguns in our nation’s capitol. You can argue that on top of violating the 2nd amendment this law was ineffective anyway, as the murder rate continued to increase rapidly over DC’s last 30 years. You can also argue that this ruling is going to hamstring individual state’s rights to act on this issue on behalf of its citizenry. One thing you cannot argue though, is that we need to see more of this soon!

A 42-year-old Spokane, Wash., man accidentally shot himself in the face yesterday. The man, who was hanging out with his friends and throwing back a couple drinks, was playing around with the gun when a member of the group expressed concern about the firearm being toyed with. In an attempt to prove the gun was unloaded, the man pointed the gun at his face and pulled the trigger. He is now in critical condition at a local hospital.

Words cannot describe the stupidity involved here.

Just another friendly TastyBooze reminder for the weekend, if you’re going to play with guns this weekend, making it the water variety.

Original Story: The Seattle Times

This is the question a liquor store owner has been asking in Colorado. The man was tired of losing about $1000 worth of merchandise each month due to thefts, so when he caught the criminals they had the choice of giving up a shoe or giving up the liquor. The thought process is that the ones giving up their shoe would be too embarrassed to return, the ones giving up the liquor would just come back to steal again. Apparently only a handful were willing to give up a shoe.

The concept kind of backfired, when police told the store owner that he would have to stop the practice or face felony robbery charges. The irony is that getting caught stealing the liquor was only a misdemeanor.

This reminds me of those gun exchange programs, like turning in guns for gift certificates or sports tickets. I’m sure plenty of people could round up some old shoes they would be willing to part with for a fifth of Jack. You’re probably going to lose your shoes after drinking the whole bottle anyway, so you may as well get something for your shoes to start the night.

Original story: Associated Press.

For those of you struggling to get through your Tuesday and wishing it was still Memorial Day Weekend, we present this picture from a gathering taken over the holiday weekend. I’m fine with the Jack Daniels, but the shot-gun? Maybe this is his way of saluting the troops, but as soon as the bottle gets opened, get me the fuck outta there! The all-black ensemble is never good either.

We hope everyone had a good, and safe, Memorial Day Weekend - and were no where near this guy. Three more days until the next weekend…

Photo courtesy of Flickr user jaxxxon

You have been drinking beer and playing poker with the boys when all of a sudden you get back itch that just won’t quit. Do you:

A) Ask your poker buddy to scratch it.
B) Start rubbing your back on the nearest available fixed object like a bear in heat.
C) Walk into the other room and use your revolver to scratch it.

Jorge Espinal, 44, chose option C.

“He told officers he had an itch on his back and grabbed the first thing he could get a hold of, which was a revolver,” Lt. Dean said. “The gun went off.”

No shit the gun went off. They have this piece called a trigger and when depressed it tends to make them do that. When Espinal when back into the room to tell his poker buddies that he had just busted a cap in his own ass they didn’t believe him until they saw the blood running down his back. How do guys playing poker in the other room not hear a fucking gunshot? Did they think that Espinal just went into the other room to light off a few cherry bombs?

Original Story: WFAA

Okay, let’s see what we have here:

1 - Rock Band guitar
1 - Guitar Hero III guitar
1 - semi-automatic machine gun with a plastic banana clip
3 - .38 caliber revolvers
1 - 9mm Baretta
1 - Glock
1 - Luger
12 to 15 - boxes of ammo
11 - spare magazines
1 - maybe a set of sais, or some beat down sticks
1 - Colt .45 (in his hand)
1 - fuckin’ wacky dude in his undies who likes to rock out and shoot shit

Obviously this is the Greatest Man Alive.

“I discharged a couple bullets. Big deal, man.”

I agree with Ronald Hudock, 61, on this one. I mean who hasn’t wanted to pop off a couple of shots in frustration? However, I am guessing that it might have been a combination of the bullets, high speed chase and smashing into multiple cop cars that might have gotten the authorities panties in a bunch.

It all started with what I am guessing is your basic case of road rage. Ron was cruising on Interstate 70 in his white Porsche Carrera when he decided to take a couple of shots at a semi that was also traveling on the interstate. Road rage and busting caps must make Ron hungry because he stopped at a local McDonalds drive-thru to pick up some grub. Ron got frustrated with the service he was receiving and discharged a couple of more bullets at the golden arches sign. He hopped back onto the interstate and at this point several police cruisers attempted to pull Ron over. The chase exceeded 80 MPH and Ron blasted through at least on construction zone. It doesn’t say exactly how the chase ended but Ron managed to smash into four police cars. I think the crazy son of a bitch might have tried to run a road block.

Guess what Ron’s hijinks got him once the police finally stopped him? Yep, you guessed it, that’s a tasing.

Original Story: WPXI.com

I was sitting at work today, and this thought crossed my mind, “You know what this place needs? A gatt or two!” Well, if I lived in Florida, that could happen!

Backed by the NRA, the so-called “take-your-guns-to-work” measure was passed by the Florida Senate Wednesday and would prohibit business owners from banning guns kept in locked motor vehicles on their private property.

First off, I didn’t know I could legally be fired for this. If I want to keep my sawed-off locked in my Caprice and come out and stroke it during my lunch break, that’s none of my boss’ fucking business. Yes, I might accidentally shoot somebody on company property. Yes, my boss/company might be sued. Yes, I might be tempted to bring it inside if Chip from Accounting is asking too many questions. But that’s my god Florida-given right.

Dickhead bosses in Florida are not sleeping well tonight.

For the full story aim here.

Last week we had a post about a shirt that would be great for knife fights. Now, we have the perfect outer layer for that outfit. The bulletproof hoodie.

Developed by a company named Bladerunner, “The Defender Hoodie” has a special removable, bullet-proof insert that you can roll with when you want to put your hood on and get crazy. Here’s the description from the product page:

This Hoodie is rugged and tough just like a normal Hoodie but this one has a removable Inner Shell that gives you Balistic Security at Level NIJ STD 0101.04

The hoodie carries an expensive price tag as well, in the $600 range. Also, because the bullet proof portion of the hoodie is just an insert, that means there’s plenty that’s not protected (like your head, fool!).

Hoodies have always come with the connotation of being thuggish, gangster or trouble. Inserting a bullet proof vest into one is probably not a bad idea. While I’m saving up the $600, I’ll stick to my cost-saving bullet proof vest, i.e. duck-taping newspapers around my chest. Works every time!

Original Story: Gizmodo.

Fusilier Damien Hields used his grenade machinegun to destroy seven Taliban positions before his ambushers realised he was their main threat. After peppering his vehicle with bullets, they hit the 24-year-old soldier. He had to be dragged off for treatment by his driver after he tried to continue fighting.

“Fusilier Hields showed extraordinary courage under intense fire,” said Lieutenant-Colonel Huw James, his commanding officer. “I was astonished at the state of his vehicle. There were so many holes in it, it was like a teabag. The Taliban did everything in their power to neutralise [him] and Fusilier Hields was having none of it. His actions allowed his patrol to come out of the ambush in which they were outnumbered by three or four to one and probably saved a lot of lives.”

Good Christ! Talk about gigantic brass balls. Fuilier was awarded the Military Cross which is “…the third highest award for gallantry, but also the Nato Meritorious Service Medal for his actions…” Only the “third highest award for gallantry”!? What the fuck does the guy have to do to jump up into the one or two spot?

Original Story: Times Online

I don’t know why this was so funny to me. Maybe it’s the belly rest/aim control this guy’s got working. Or, it could be the way he just lets about 16 rounds fly in 2 seconds. Either way, nice shootin’, Tex.

One reviewer on IMDB described the movie with the following:
“BANG BANG BANG, EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE, BANG BANG BANG!”

I agree with this in principal but I think it needs to be expanded on a little. I would go with something like:
“BANG BANG BANG, SLIDE MOVE, EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE, BANG BANG BANG, CARROT KILL, EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE, BANG BANG BANG, SIDE BOOB, BANG BANG BANG, EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE”

If you need a little more of a description here you go. Clive Owen is minding his own business when he witnesses a team of gunmen trying to kill a pregnant woman. Being the samaritan that he is Clive intervenes and manages to deliver the baby while blasting fools (awesome). Clive tries the help the mother and the new born escape from Paul Giamatti and his team of killers. The mother ends up being killed in the escape so Clive takes it upon himself to protect the baby and figure out why a team of assassins is trying to kill the kid.

Long story short, if you have 86 minutes to burn and would like to do it with an entertaining movie with lots of blazing guns then Shoot ‘Em Up is the movie for you.

This seems so preposterous that you might be inclined to believe it’s made up, but I assure you it’s not. Seems that there was a “general” in Liberia during one of their many civil wars who (he claims) was possessed by the devil for 20-odd years, during which time, he led his small army in the killing of 20,000 people, many if not most of whom, were innocent civilians.

Atrocious stuff, but that’s not what makes this guy so ri-goddamn-diculous. His given name is Joshua Blahyi, but he gained the name “General Butt Naked” by going into battle…wait for it…naked, save for a gun and some shoes. He convinced his entire army to do this! Although some of them opted to wear women’s clothes (?!?!) instead.

Here is a segment from his autobiography, and again, I have to stress that as horrible and crazy as this sounds, I am not making any of it up.

“So, before leading my troops into battle, we would get drunk and drugged up, sacrifice a local teenager, drink their blood, then strip down to our shoes and go into battle wearing colourful wigs and carrying dainty purses we’d looted from civilians. We’d slaughter anyone we saw, chop their heads off and use them as soccer balls. We were nude, fearless, drunk and homicidal. We killed hundreds of people — so many I lost count.”

dainty purses? what the fuck? for more info on this crazy evil bastard, HERE is the wikipedia entry.