It’s been a while since we have had a Tasty Booze caption contest, but when I saw this picture yesterday I knew it was time to bring it back. That lucky little 12 year old bastard is Christian Elliott and he is hugging Jayde Nicole, the 2008 Playboy Playmate of the Year. Jayde returned to her home town of Port Perry, Ontario to sign autographs for fans.

Here’s the gig. You leave your best caption for the above photo and next Friday the Tasty Booze staff will pick one lucky winner who will receive a copy of Mario Kart Wii. The only requirement is that you give us a valid email address so that we can email you when you win and get your shipping address. The contest will be open until next Friday and you only get one shot. If you leave 5 comments only the first one is going to count towards winning Mario Kart.

Original Story: thestar.com — Product Page: Mario Kart Wii

On the left we have Dream Kelly a 23 year old from Hollywood or maybe Scottsdale. Anyway it looks like she is going the standard route of posting pictures of herself on MySpace in hopes that it lands a modeling gig. On the right we have Keeley Hazell a British bird that got famous the old fashion way by “leaking” a sex tape. Since then she has appeared in every major men’s magazine and she has landed a role in the upcoming Baywatch movie.

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Unbelievable! Sure Catherine Bell is a little older but I thought I had this thing locked up for sure. Diggles has got to be paying people to vote for his chick. Winning by 20 votes on the last day is just to big of a coincidence. Either way here is the winner Laura Leigh. I can’t really find much about her but she is your typical hot MySpace girl who has done some modeling for Maxim.

Full Picture Set & Profile

MySpace - 5
Celebrity - 3

Check out past winners:
MySpace vs. Celebrity - Week 7 Winner
MySpace vs. Celebrity - Week 6 Winner
MySpace vs. Celebrity - Week 5 Winner
MySpace vs. Celebrity - Week 4 Winner
MySpace vs. Celebrity - Week 3 Winner
MySpace vs. Celebrity - Week 2 Winner
MySpace vs. Celebrity - Week 1 Winner

Another Monday and another hot lady to brighten up your Monday morning. Alley here is going for the cowgirl look. I like the Texas shout out on the back of her bikini.

Hey, go big or go home, right? Sheyla Hershey, 28, is going so big that she has hit the limits of the law in her home state of Texas. Texas leads the nation in executions but by God they have standards of decency and a breast can only be so big. Apparently the law in Texas states that you can only have 1,000 cubic centimeters of silicone per breast, max. For those of you that have a hard time visualizing 1,000 cubic centimeters that is 33.8 ounces or about 2 pints of beer per fun bag. Add it up and Sheyla is walking around with about a half gallon of silicone in her chest. Her reason:

“I want to look better each day, every day. Everybody’s got a dream inside, you know? And, it’s good when you can make your dream come true,” Hershey said.

What is her dream? To be equipped with her own personal flotation device in the event of an airplane crash? Sheyla isn’t going to let a pesky little thing like state law stand in the way of her ginormous breast dreams. She already holds the world record for largest breast implants in Brazil’s version of the Guinness Book of World Records and she is reportedly planning on heading to Brazil to undergo surgery number nine and take things up a size.

Fox News via D Listed

“But it seems the vicar just thought Jemma was too hot and that her boobs were just too big.”

Looks like a local priest got a little hot and bothered when he saw the billboard that was put up outside his church. The billboard features an image of Jemma Palmer, 24, soon to be better known as Inferno when the U.K. version of American Gladiators begins airing on May 11th.

I can’t really blame the guy, it would be pretty hard to keep those impure thoughts in check if you saw the above picture every time you looked out the window. He probably got tired of constantly having a chubby. Besides what male, who is already stuck in church, is really going to pay attention when they can just stare out the window at Jemma?

Original Story: The London Paper

On the left we have 21 year old Laura Leigh from New York City. Don’t know much about her but you can’t argue with the fact that she is pretty hot. On the right we have Catherine Bell who is probably best known for playing a lawyer in the military drama J.A.G. I am looking to tie things up but I think it is going to be a pretty close battle this week.

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I definitely forgot that Marisa was slaughtering Diggles MySpace girl when I posted the Monday Morning Pick Me Up yesterday. However, I highly doubt anyone is really going to complain about two days of Marisa pictures. Sure it was probably a cheap shot to break out arguably one of the hottest models around but I had to put an end to my to my two match losing streak. For some reason I have a weird urge to buy an iPod.

Today marks the beginning of the 3rd round of the Bigger Dance. Ol’ Dirty still leads the Tasty Booze pack with 63 points while the shit-talkin’ Baba Ganoush trails by eight with 55. The hopeless bunch is Mitch Martin at 52, J Diggles at 51, and Frank the Tank at 49. Ol’ Dirty’s lead continues to widen despite the loss of Heigl in the 2nd round. Even my other, shittier bracket is beating the hopeless crew. I just know women, what can I say.

Today brought few surprises with Angelina Jolie demolishing the what-the-fuck-is-she-still-doing-here Molly Sims. The ancient Eva Longoria somehow continues to win and took a Louisville Slugger to both headlights of Carrie Underwood. The fine-as-humanly-possible Marisa Miller ousted Hayden Panettiere, and Scarlett Johansson out-boobified Eva Mendes.

Tomorrow’s match-ups should be similar:

[Read more →]

A teacher in Florida (yes, I guess they are still crazy) is arguing that she was wrongly fired by the St. Lucie County School District because of an inappropriate “afterschool” job. It wasn’t just any job though, she was hired as a Bikini-wearing hot chick that walks around the boat on charter fishing expeditions. According to the Company’s website: “Can you think of two things that go together better then beautiful women and fishing?”

I can think of a few things, but do admit that it sounds pretty awesome. Anyway, back to the point. Clearly this probably isn’t the best thing to do for those teaching our youth (Biology of all subjects). But nonetheless, I ask again, where were all these teachers when I was a kid? I swear to god, if you didn’t have glasses and one of those real tight perms, you weren’t a female teacher in my school district. Now there are all these ex scandals and buxom blond bikini teachers running around. I need to pull an Adam Sandler and get back in the classroom.

More ridiculousness from the story:

1) The teachers defense of her bikini girl status was: “You don’t wear jeans or slacks to go fishing”

2) The charter boat Company was called “Smokin’ Em Charters” and was recently kicked out of the marina for violating the city’s family-friendly atmosphere

3) School officials say she was canned for missing more than 30 days of school this year, with two written reprimands for the absences - and didn’t even know about her second job until she complained

Well done Florida, well done.

Source: WorldNetDaily

I try not to double on girls for the Monday Morning Pick Me Up but if I am going to do it I might was well do it with smokin’ hot Marisa Miller. However it is kind of a double edged sword because her pictures just remind me of her douche bag husband and that just makes me cranky.

I am down two to Diggles and basically backed into a corner so I had to turn to a professional for help. On the left we have Brandy Lynn a 24 year old from Sacramento. I don’t know much else about her but she looks like she is trying to get into the modeling game. On the right we have Marisa Miller. You might have seen her on the cover of a little thing called the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

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The first round of The Bigger Dance is complete and it has been heated. In the Tastybooze pool, Ol’ Dirty is tied for first place with Mike Honcho at 31 out of a possible 39 points. Baba Ganoush is close behind at 29 while Mitch Martin (28), Frank The Tank (27), and J Diggles (27) are right in it too.

After today, however, I will quickly plummet to the bottom of the standings. This morning was the start of round two and 1-seeded Katherine Heigl (Knocked Up) was eliminated by old-and-tired Molly Sims! I had Heigl losing in FINALS to Jessica Biel so I am guaranteed 3 more losses and I am completely fucked. Does anyone still think Molly Sims is hot. Isn’t she like 50?

I am also a moron and picked Lauren Conrad (The Hills) over Megan Fox (Transformers). Fox won 52-19 and is possible the hottest tattooed female ever (besides Mr. Wonka). There weren’t a ton of upsets in the first round. Generally the higher seed won the match-up.

With Heigl out I honestly don’t know what to think anymore.

My Final Four prediction is now:

Jessica Alba vs Jessica Biel
and
Marisa Miller vs Eva Longoria (This pains me)

Biel will play Miller in the Finals and potentially lose. Did you see the cover of this years SI Swimsuit Issue? Now get some tissue.

Stay tuned for more updates from the hard wood as I fall from the top spot.

If you were running for the President of the United States, who are a couple of people you would rather not have endorse you? Hmmm. How about Heidi Montag of The Hills and Kim Kardashian of absolutely nothing. Ya that sounds about right. Although I suppose they do bring in the “awful person who thinks she’s really hot” and “amateur porn star” vote, respectively. Unfortunately, those constituency groups often times tend to overlap (see Paris Hilton), limiting there impact.

Kim: “I had dinner with him [Obama] once, and he just seemed very firm about the change, and that’s, like, his motto.” Yes, good pick up on the motto my dear. Although you forgot the other part about taxing the hell out of people just like you! But wait, Kim had dinner with Obama? Oh I see, it turns out she was attending an event where he was speaking and they happened to serve food. Ya that sounds like an intimate one on one. I, on the other hand, have had dinner with my heroes Ken Griffey Jr and Alex Rodriquez because I ate a pretzel at a Seattle Mariners baseball game in 1998. It was delightful. The topper here though is that Kim gave her endorsement to the media while attending ex-con Joe Francis’ Girls Gone Wild party. Well done.

Heidi: “I’m a Republican and McCain has a lot of experience.” On the one hand, I am forced by nature to automatically despise and disagree with everything this woman says or does. But on the other hand, at least she appears to know when not to talk about something I can’t imagine she knows anything about. However, this one all goes to hell when McCain is asked to comment on his latest endorsement. “I’m honored to have Heidi’s support and I want to assure her that I never miss an episode of ‘The Hills,’ especially since the new season started.” Really? Really?? This is getting worse than the candidates appearances on WWE Monday Night Raw last week.

Two losses in a row!? I am in a tailspin here. I can’t believe a chick who goes by Model Nicole managed to beat out Jenny McCarthy. Yeah Jenny might be a little “1997″ but she is smoking hot in that picture. Alright, I will climb off my soapbox and give you what you want, more pictures of Model Nicole.

Full Picture Set & Profile

MySpace - 4
Celebrity - 2

Check out past winners:
MySpace vs. Celebrity - Week 5 Winner
MySpace vs. Celebrity - Week 4 Winner
MySpace vs. Celebrity - Week 3 Winner
MySpace vs. Celebrity - Week 2 Winner
MySpace vs. Celebrity - Week 1 Winner